Chad With A Chance Of Alcohol
by pearlchavez
Summary: Chad stumbles in to the prop house and runs into Sonny, and luckily for her he's quite an honest drunk, but what happens when he tells her everything she's ever wanted to know and then forgets it the next day?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I do not own any of the characters in SWAC. I have also considered making this story longer and with more chapters. If you would be interested in this, tell me in the review!**

You know there's something wrong with you if you actually choose to work at two am. Yet there I was hanging decorations in the Prop House two days before Christmas, well, technically it was now the 24th. I couldn't sleep, so I decided to make the place look nice for Tawni, who was bringing her new boy toy, Damon to the place to hang out. We were all officially on vacation till after New Year, so why not?

Plus I liked silence. Even though It's A Wonderful Life was on and I was enjoying it, I could think a lot clearer. Plus, it was my first Christmas in California as Sonny Monroe, star of So Random. I wanted to cry, because I was that grateful, but I couldn't cry because everyone was always around and it would look weird. Tawni didn't understand tears of happiness unless it was another person, and Nico, Grady and Zora froze whenever anyone was upset. I was just happy that I wasn't in George Bailey's position yet; I didn't want to die and I didn't have four children, thank God.

Sometimes I was sad though. Sometimes I did want the one thing he did have. It was a stupid thing to want, and plenty of people got along just fine without them, but a boyfriend would not kill me. James didn't count, because he was a jerk. You know who else didn't count? Chad Dylan Cooper, even though the rumours certainly suggested it. I shouldn't think of him, because it's late and I never ever get a minute to enjoy the silence and appreciate the sound of my own -

"I thought I heard voices!" I almost jumped right out of my skin when I turned around to see Chad Dylan Cooper standing in the doorway. He was wearing a really nice shirt and jeans, and for once in his life, his hair was a little messy. I glared at him for a minute and marched over to the door, pulling him in. And that was when the stench hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Chad, are you drunk?" I demanded, covering my mouth with my wrist, which I had frankly drowned in perfume earlier. He immediately started laughing hysterically and punched me on the back. I assumed he meant to simply pat me softly.

"No!" He replied, shaking his head and pointed to the Christmas tree behind me, I guessed he was pointing to me. "I thought I heard voices and wow, here I am. What time is it? You should be home."

"I couldn't sleep," I replied. He smelled worse than Marshall did when you wanted to talk to him after hours in his office. I could've gotten wasted with just the smell. "What are you doing here?"

"My friend dropped me off here," he replied, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. "You see, Chad Dylan Cooper was at a party and there was punch. I drank a lot of this punch and I didn't realise that it had been spiked, because I do not drink."

"Oh my God, you're drunk!" I gasped, immediately sitting him down on the sofa. "How could you not know that the punch was spiked? There's no such thing as non-alcoholic punch!"

"The King of Drama is wasted!" He mimicked my tone. "I couldn't go home, because I would meet some fans and they would realise I am out of it and tell someone like Perez Hilton. So I came here."

"We need to sober you up!" I snapped, immediately standing up. I was walking over to make some coffee, when Chad grabbed my arm and forced me to sit down.

"Hey, let's talk for a minute," he slurred, and he was so wasted he couldn't even look at me. "How are YOU? What is going on in little Sonny's life?"

"Well Sonny is freaking out, because someone is going to come in here and find you wasted and we will both be in deep trouble!" I hissed, but he took my hands. I should have fought back and told him to leave me alone, but I didn't want him to start yelling. I have to say, the boy can be quite loud when he wants to.

"No they won't," he insisted, but I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, I have been here a while and - hey, is this that wonderful life movie!" It was amazing, how could he even see the screen?

"Yeah," I replied. I decided to give up on the coffee thing, hopefully he would just fall asleep, and if I didn't know any better I'd say he didn't want to sober up. "Do you like it?"

"One of my all time favourites, it is not just the best Christmas movie, it is one of the best movies," he told me, nodding his head a little too enthusiastically. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"What?" I asked, he was actually amusing me now. I had never seen Chad Dylan Cooper inebriated before, and if he told me a really good secret, I could squeeze so much more out of him and use it to blackmail him his whole life. He had met his match.

"I wanna be like Jimmy Stewart," he whispered loudly. Drunk people really forgot the art of subtlety. "You know what I mean? He was one of the greatest actors of that generation."

"Chad, how many times do I have to call you the greatest actor of our generation if I want a favour?" I giggled, "You're not telling me that you don't think you're better than Jimmy Stewart, are you?"

"I'll be very honest with you, I am not better than anyone," he told me, and he said it quite seriously. "I want to be like Jimmy though, because he wasn't just a good actor, he was an icon. He was in the army, you know. He was a general of the air force I think and everyone had good things to say about him. No one has nice things to say about me. They think I'm hot, but what is that? I mean I know I am pretty damn beautiful, like a Greek God, but since when have looks mattered? I am on a tween soap opera! That's not Oscar worthy!"

"Chad, you're drunk," I insisted, noticing that we were still holding hands. I was going to let go, but he had a weird expression on his face. I didn't want to entice him. "You know you're good."

"But I'm not Sonny," he told me. "And I'll bet you never thought you'd hear the day I said that, but I have to tell someone. It is not easy walking around pretending you are the cat's pyjamas."

"I'm going to ignore what you just said," I giggled. Wow, Chad turned into a teenager from the 1950s when he was wasted. Why didn't I have my videophone with me? "But Chad, because you're wasted and probably won't remember this, I think you're a pretty great actor."

"You do?"

"Yeah, because I swear, you can act even when you're not supposed to be acting," I replied. I hated this; I wish I hadn't said anything, because he would probably assume it to be something it wasn't.

"Sonny I'm drunk, I don't even know what you said there," he replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"It's nothing, forget I said it," I insisted, still holding his hand. Why didn't I just let it go if I felt so strongly about it? I mean it was moist and would probably make my hand stink of booze. If I was honest, I didn't want to let it go. Don't even ask me why.

"Can I tell you something else?" He asked me softly, leaning into me. His eyes were big and blue and they still managed to look all sparkly. I tried not to stare into them for too long, because when I did, I completely lost track of everything. "I knew there was alcohol in the punch."

"You did?" I asked, but it wasn't exactly a surprise to me. I could taste alcohol in anything and I never drank it. "Why did you say you didn't know?"

"Because it sounds awful to say that I wanted to get drunk," he replied, and he looked at me with such shame. That was it, now I was definitely going to let go of his hand. What a terrible thing for a seventeen-year-old boy today. I was so letting go of his hand…now. Nope, I was still holding it. He had super glued our hands together. Why couldn't I let go?

"You wanted to get drunk?"

"Yeah I did," he nodded. "I know it is so wrong, because I am four years away from being legally able to drink, but I like it. I know I am Mackenzie, and he just doesn't get drunk."

"You're supposed to be a role model," I scolded, shaking my head, but I couldn't be mad at him, and I couldn't understand why.

"I know!" He snapped. "I know I am supposed to be Chad Dylan Cooper who takes the moral high road and I know I chose that life, but I hate it sometimes! Kids our age and younger do this every weekend and we're supposed to pretend that we're so perfect."

"So you don't want to be a role model?"

"Of course I do," he insisted. He was really confusing me now. "I love that a kid will watch my show and think 'hey, if Chad Dylan Cooper doesn't need to drink to have a good time then neither do I'. To me, that's the greatest thing about my job, but with all the responsibility and not being allowed to slip up and make mistakes - even though all humans make mistakes - sometimes I want to slip up, just so I can feel a little normal. Do you get me?"

"I do," I confessed, because I really did and he actually did make sense. I couldn't believe that Chad and I were agreeing on something, especially when it was so wrong. "I hate drinking. Always have."

"You do?" He asked, and the shocking thing? He actually sounded surprised.

"Yep," I nodded. "I was so glad to get this big break, because now I have an excuse for not getting wasted. Can you believe that a teenager needs to have an excuse for not wanting to drink?"

"We really are different," he sneered, and he actually squeezed my hand a little. It made my heart skip a beat.

"Chad, remember when I said that you're a good actor, because you don't even know you're acting sometimes?" I asked him, my heart beating so rapidly it was humming.

"Yeah, what do you mean?" He asked me, looking quite curious.

"Sometimes when we're hanging out, or whatever it is that we do," I began, looking away from him. "Sometimes I think that you might actually - you sometimes act - what I mean to say is that you act like you might like me a little."

"I do?" He asked, and I felt stupid. What was I thinking saying that out loud? He looked at me so blankly and my face started reddening, and hey, was that a tear?

"You know what? That's so stupid, just forget-"

"I never act around you," he then said, and I felt like maybe I was going to faint. "It's weird, but you're like, the only person I don't feel I have to act around."

"Say what?" I managed to choke. I had to be careful, my mouth was gaping enough to fit a few tourists in.

"I have to act like this super arrogant douche and stuff, but with you, it's not an act," he told me, and he sounded a little speechless himself. "I know I'm an asshole to you, but that's only because I get so freaked out when we're actually nice to each other."

"Why do you get so freaked out when we're nice to each other?" I asked him. What was I doing? He was probably going to tell me something that I didn't want to hear, and then we would never be able to talk again and I really didn't want that to happen.

"Because I'm never nice," he replied, sighing. I felt myself squeeze his hand. "I'm a jerk to everyone, and I have concluded why that is. Chad Dylan Cooper does not need a degree in psychology to know this one. My parents were jerks to me, and I'm their son. I only see them once a year maybe, because they're out spending the dough I make. They left me with nannies and anyone who even hinted they liked children."

"I didn't know that," I replied. Now he was making me feel guilty?

"I don't tell people, because it's not a nice thing to say that your parents don't want you," he said, looking away from me. "So I conclude that because I spent the bulk of my childhood trying to make them love me, I've decided that I don't need anyone. If your own parents can't even love you, who can?"

"Don't say that," I replied, putting my arms around him. I was hugging Chad Dylan Cooper and he was hugging me back. What was going on here? Why were tears welling up in my eyes? Why did I feel so awful about it? "People do love you."

"No they don't, they adore this guy I pretend to be," he smirked, pushing me away from him. "I'm used to being that guy, but you mess all that up and it makes me think-"

"It makes you think what?" I asked, my heart pounding and butterflies in my stomach.

"It makes me think that maybe you-"

"Maybe I love you?" I finished breathlessly. We looked at each other for a second. He didn't look like the Chad Dylan Cooper I thought I knew. He looked so much more authentic. I felt like I was staring past his sparkly eyes and into his soul.

I leaned over, and before I knew it, he had touched my lips. I pulled away for a second, unsure if I wanted it, but something stopped me. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to kiss him. It was weird, but in a perfect way. When I felt his arms wrap around me I felt fine. It felt natural for Chad to be kissing me, and if I was honest, I didn't want him to let go.

"Sonny, I think I do love you," he told me, his arms still grasping onto me tightly, like I was going to disappear. I was glued to his eyes, and I couldn't stop smiling.

"You do?" I asked, trying not to giggle. I didn't believe it. I couldn't understand why, but I thought he was lying to me, because he was drunk.

"Yeah," he replied, sounding just as terrified as me. "You always try to make me a better person and I think it actually works. I would never put a fake itchy beard on for a girl, and I definitely wouldn't even consider being on her side against Selena Gomez, but with you, I'd do it everyday if it made you happy."

"Don't," I insisted, putting my finger on his lips to shush him. I sat up straight and edged away from him, my head absorbing everything he had just said to me. "You hate me Chad! You always have and the only reason you help me is to feed your ego! I'm used to that, and I don't want it to change! I'm supposed to deny that I am in love with you and just want you from afar! You are not supposed to tell me this, because that means that everything I thought was true isn't! And that means that everything has to change and-"

"You love me?" He asked me, and he actually sounded surprised. I had never left Chad Dylan Cooper speechless until now. We looked at each other for a second, and I took away the fact that we were Sonny Monroe and Chad Dylan Cooper. We were now just a boy and girl. And we were going to shit our pants any second now.

"I don't want to, I sighed, both our hands clasped. "But I do. And what's worse? I know it's not a crush, because even when you're being a jerk, I love you, and I hate you for that! I truly hate you for that!"

I wanted to cry, and I think I would have cried if he hadn't kissed me. This time I held onto him tightly and when we stopped kissing, I brushed my cheek against his. I really didn't want him to disappear. He held me close to him and when I could feel his stupid shiny hair against my nose, it felt absolutely perfect. I felt perfect when Chad Dylan Cooper's hair itched my nose. I felt perfect thinking of him as my boyfriend. It was weird; it was like this was the way it was supposed to be all along.

****

RING RING!

Chad and I both sat up straight as he searched frantically for his phone. I looked around me and saw that I had missed the end of the movie. The clock on the TV said that it was ten am. I immediately walked over to a mirror and fixed my hair, which had the imprint of Chad's face on it. We must have fallen asleep together.

"Chad Dylan Cooper. Oh hi Marie, yep I am aware that I have an interview with Tween Weekly today at noon. Yeah, I'm in my apartment now about to hop in the shower. Yeah, I'll call you afterwards. Yeah, you have a great day too, and tell that family of yours that I say hi. Okay, later."

He hung up the phone and slipped it into his jeans' pocket. "I really hate that woman."

"You sounded nice to her on the phone," I replied. I stood beside the mirror and he was still sitting on the couch. He didn't look like he had a hangover, and I bet he knew it. I liked it when his hair was ruffled. I liked the way he looked in the morning. When I thought about the night before, I didn't know what to say. It felt like a dream. Whenever it crossed my mind, I felt a small smile spread over my face, especially when I thought about what he said to me.

"Aw man I was so wasted last night, but hey, you wouldn't know it, right?" He winked at me, and I was forced to smile back. Why hadn't he said anything? I half expected him to have kissed me by now. Not that I was desperate or anything, but he hadn't even smiled at me properly. "Sorry to crash here, but I didn't know where to go and my own dressing room was locked."

"It's really fine," I insisted. He was trying to play it cool, and I understood that. Tawni could come in at any second, I would ask him to text me or something. We didn't have to make it public right away, because it was quite a scandal. Sonny Monroe was in love with her archrival and he loved her back. Why did it make me smile like crazy when I thought about it?

"I didn't try anything, did I?"

Those six words made me feel very sick. I looked at him with surprise, expecting him to laugh and tell me that he had to ask me that, because there were cameras in here and he could be blackmailed, but he didn't. He looked at me impatiently and shrugged, waiting for me to give him an answer.

Oh my God, Chad really couldn't remember saying anything to me. The thought dawned on me almost immediately and I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that everything we had said was simply because he was drunk and feeling sorry for himself. I wanted him to love me, because it would be so perfect. I would not be one of those girls who were fooled easily if he meant everything he said. God, I was so stupid! I had been standing there waiting for him like an idiot. I had comforted him and it turned out that I was just a convenience for him. I was such an idiot! I wanted to punch the wall, no, what I actually wanted to do was kick him in the balls.

"Nope," I shook my head. I wanted to tell him I would blackmail him with the drunk thing, but I didn't have it in me to say anything to him. I was worried that I would cry at any minute if I even tried to pretend that nothing happened.

"I gotta go," he said, rolling his eyes. "More people want to tell me I am the best actor of our generation. Catch you later."

He winked at me like he winked at everyone, and then walked out of the door. I sat down on the sofa and stared into space for a minute. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and quickly wiped it away. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve anything. He didn't deserve for me to act like this was a big deal. Okay, Sonny had a plan. I was going to act like nothing had happened.

I jumped when I saw Chad open the door again. There was something about his eyes; they looked the way they did the night before. He was looking at me the way he did the night before, and I felt the butterflies flying around in my gut again.

"Sonny?"

"What?"

There was silence for a second, and I heard him gulp a little. It felt like time was going by so slowly and I was just waiting for him to tell me what I wanted to hear. I didn't want it to be drunk talk. I didn't want it to be something that he could so easily forget. I thought I meant more than that.

"Nothing."

He closed the door again. Yeah, we weren't that boy and girl who were being honest with each other and fighting our famous stereotypes. We were Sonny Monroe and Chad Dylan Cooper. We would never be anything more than that.

THE END


	2. What happens now?

**Author's Note: So I have decided to make this story a little longer. I want to thank everyone for reviewing, subscribing, favouriting and just giving it a read, because I'm a big fan of opinions, and by that I mean even a critique. I haven't worked out the whole plot in my mind yet, but that's how I work. Just keep reading and reviewing, and hopefully I'll have this finished before college gets hectic again.**

I spent Christmas with my Mom and Lucy at my place. I tried to forget what had happened, because I was trying to convince myself that I dreamed it. That made it all better; I mean, how romantic is that dream? I don't know about you, but I love having dreams where people say they love you and then pretend it didn't happen…fine, I was absolutely miserable for a while. I cried, I threw things, I wrote really bad poetry and screamed out of my window. However, after all of that unhealthy behaviour, I decided that Chad Dylan Cooper did not deserve for me to be miserable on Christmas. So I put all of my fury and rejection aside and pretended to everyone that I was peachy. I didn't even glare when Lucy turned on Mackenzie Falls, even though I am still mad she continues to watch it after the time she visited.

After Christmas, I returned to the studio as me and the gang decided to meet up and talk about Christmas. When I first walked into the Prop House, I was glad I was alone, because I was ready to throw up; the sofa still looked dented with our bodies, when I looked at the TV, I swore I could see the reflection of him holding me and when I looked at the door, I half expected him to come stumbling in like he had that night. It was so stupid. It really was. He was Chad Dylan Cooper; how could I be upset over someone that was so superficial? I was better than that. I didn't love him. I couldn't love him. Who could love someone that forgets all of their intimate feelings only eight hours after saying them? Not me, definitely not Sonny Monroe. He could go to hell. In fact, he could go lower to hell, so that his face melts off.

"Merry Christmas!" Tawni exclaimed, the rest of the gang following behind her. I mimicked her wide smile and awkwardly embraced each other. One of these days we were going to be able to hug without the awkward feelings. I was convinced.

"Hey guys, how was your Christmas?" I asked enthusiastically, in fact, I sounded so eager that I had to turn it down a notch. They could never know what happened, because I didn't even want to know what had happened. Nope, everything was great.

"We were at Disneyworld!" Grady replied excitedly, Nico and him jumping up and down like little children. It was cute. "What about you?"

"I spent it with Lucy and my Mom, it was nice," I smiled. I looked to Zora, who pulled out a couple of very large books and laid them out in front of us.

"I went on a trip with my parents to look at the ivy league schools," she told us, and the scary thing was that she sounded very happy with that. "The places were empty because the students were away home and my parents were able to pull some strings. Now, I know that college should be the last thing on our minds, but together with these photos I took, prospectuses and wikipedia accounts of the staff, I would like us all to construct a pro and con list for each-"

"So Tawni, how was your Christmas?" I asked, before terrifying myself by looking at colleges I would never get into, even if I wanted to. Tawni looked at me with relief, as did Nico and Grady, and then she gushed and I didn't think it was possible, but her smile widened.

"It was perfect! Thank you so much for decorating the place for Damon and I, it was very romantic, and see the dent left on the sofa, it was made for a couple! And then I spent the day with the parents, and the presents! Oh my God, I have everything! Daddy even bought me an island!"

"An island?" We all gasped in unison.

"Yeah," Tawni replied, unable to understand what the big deal was. "It's really nice and it is always warm, so I was thinking that we should spend Spring Break there!"

"I like that," I winked, and my cheeks were really starting to hurt with all this smiling business, and surprisingly enough, Tawni noticed.

"Sonny, are you okay?" She asked me, and I swear, I saw a glint of concern in her eyes.

"I am so great, why do you ask?"

"You just seem more chipper than usual," she replied, laughing off her concern. I was really going to have to turn down my enthusiasm a notch.

"I'm really great," I insisted. "In fact, I am so great that if you told me you loved me one night and forgot about it the next day, I would be so cool with that."

"Nice to know," she replied, looking at everyone else and shrugging her shoulders. Luckily no one knew what the hell I was on about. I couldn't believe that I had said it out loud. I was hoping for that part to stay in my head, instead of splattering out of my mouth. It felt so good to say it though; like a tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Even though they thought I was crazy, and didn't know what I was talking about, it wasn't building up in my mind.

"Yeah, and make sure everyone knows that!" I continued, crap, now I was on a rant. "Sonny Monroe no longer gives a crap about any of it!"

"Great to know," I thought Tawni had said it at first, but when I looked towards the door, there he was; Chad Dylan Cooper. When I looked at him, I thought I had fainted; I felt light-headed and dizzy. I still hated the fact that my stupid heart continued to beat rapidly for him. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to hurt him so badly. But most of all, I wanted to shake him and remind him of what he said to me and ask if he even meant it.

I was still in love with him, and it hurt like hell.

"Oh Chad, you'll count as someone else, Sonny wants you to know that she is cool if you or someone you know-"

"Tawni! He doesn't need to know that!" I snapped, covering her mouth. When I let go, I shrugged my shoulders and smiled casually. Covering people's mouths and suffocating them a little was just how Sonny rolled. Tawni looked at me with horror.

"Whatever, I am throwing a party tomorrow - New Year's Eve by the way - in our studio," he informed us, and he wouldn't even look at me. What was he ashamed of? He wasn't the one who had been humiliated. "And you guys are invited. I'd tell you to bring dates, but I wouldn't want to subject anyone to a night being with you guys."

"Oh you think you're so funny," Tawni replied, squaring up to him. "We'll find dates, won't we?"

"Absolutely," I replied confidently. "I bet we'll find a better looking date than yours."

"You won't, but that's fine," he replied. Looking into his eyes consisted of a lot of concentration and having the will not to cry. It was very difficult, but I was able to convince myself to continue like nothing had happened.

"Good."

"Fine."

"I'll show you what fine is tomorrow night!" I winked at him, before closing the door in his face. I think I done well. I lasted a long time, but the urge to inflict intense pain on him became too much.

"Ugh, I hate that boy," Zora replied.

"We're going to find dates!" Grady insisted.

"I'm going to find someone so beautiful that he - NO!" Tawni suddenly gasped, and she looked at me, and covered her mouth. I realised that she had just discovered something, and I begged her with my eyes not to say one word until we were alone. "I need to talk to Sonny about finding a date, you guys go get started."

I prayed that they would all just follow her lead, and they did. Zora looked a little suspicious, but she was way too young to understand what had happened. Grady and Nico were clueless, and God bless them for that. I sat down on the sofa, Tawni joining me, and waited for her to say it.

"Just say it Tawni," I replied, sighing.

"I knew it!" She gushed, clapping her hands together. I loved how she was getting so much joy out of my misery, yeah, I wish I felt that way. Her blonde hair was shining under the light, and her smile was worryingly wide. "I knew there was something between you two! They told me I was nuts! What happened? Is he the one who told you he loved you and then changed his mind?"

"Yep," I replied. I would've retorted with a sarcastic remark pretending it was Nico or Grady, but this was Tawni; no one could say she was the sharpest tool in the box. "But it's nothing. I was just mad and stuff when I blurted it out loud."

"Oh you were mad," she snorted, and then she leaned closer to me, and I felt her put her arm around me. I hate to say it still felt awkward, and I could tell from her face that it was awkward for her too. "Sonny, I'm going to open my mind and think of another person, so please, tell me what happened."

"No, it's so stupid and you'll hate me for even thinking he might-"

"Sonny you're not the only one who has had thoughts of Chad Dylan Cooper," she replied, looking at me with such shame. I had heard the rumours, but I still had my mouth so wide open that I could probably fit a truck through. Chad and Tawni? It just didn't seem right! She was so sweet and nice, albeit a tad selfish and a tad too into herself. But he was an arrogant jerk, who liked toying with everyone's feelings. At least Tawni made you aware of how she felt.

"You?" I hissed.

"We were both thirteen and new in the showbiz world," she replied, shaking her head. "We were together for a year and a half, but we kept it secret. I didn't do a Miley Cyrus or anything."

"A year and a half?" I asked, still in shock. So technically I had kissed and confessed my undying love to my good friend's ex? I was a horrible person, on top of a stupid girl. It was already difficult getting Tawni on side before. I had just made my bed with this one. "You must have really loved him."

"We were both beautiful and he bought me lots of gifts," she replied, a small smile on her face. "But I wouldn't say we were in love."

"Really?" I asked. "Don't say that just to make me feel better about what happened with us."

"Just tell me," she pleaded, and the offer was so tempting. I hadn't told anyone about it, and it felt like it was really eating me up inside. I felt tears well up in my eyes and a lump appear in my throat, but I was convinced that I was going to tell her. She looked at me genuinely and smiled. She kept her arm around me and proceeded to listen carefully as I told her what happened.

"I can't believe that!" She squealed, wiping away a tear from her eye. I was also in tears and we had both locked the Prop House, thank God. I couldn't believe how sad the whole thing made me feel. I didn't think I would be one of those girls that got this upset over a man. My Mom told me that she didn't even cry after my Dad left. How could I be upset over someone I never had?

"It's so stupid," I replied, wiping my eyes. I wasn't going to cry anymore, and I was definitely going to find another word to say instead of 'stupid'.

"I'm sorry he said that to you," she replied, wrapping both her arms around me. "I don't know what he was playing at."

"He was drunk and I was an idiot," I shrugged my shoulders. "There's nothing more to say."

"I always thought he really did like you," she told me. "When he and I sabotaged your date with James, he genuinely was concerned about James' history with girls. He doesn't need alcohol to tell you he likes - or even loves - you."

"Tawni, I just wanna forget it," I insisted, trying to smile convincingly, but I wasn't even convincing myself. "I don't want Chad to be anything to me now."

"I'll tell you what we're going to do," she said, standing up and pacing around the room. I immediately sat up straight like she was my general or something. "We're going to get you a date and make him ever so jealous and sorry for not remembering how much he loves you."

"I'm not getting out of this am I?" I asked her.

"No way," she nodded, "This is going to be fun."

"Count me in," I smiled.


	3. New Year's

**Author's Note: I know that Sonny just seems very bitter and miserable right now, but I like the idea of writing about a girl actually experiencing heartbreak instead of blocking it all out. I promise that everything looks up for Sonny though. Enjoy the chapter! Read and review!**

Tawni got to work on getting us dates almost immediately. She didn't tell me exactly what she did, but the day of New Year's Eve, we spent an hour with each possible suitor.

The first guy was nice. We met at a local coffee place; he had shiny raven coloured hair and glasses on and was doing a crossword puzzle when I came on. Things got off to a very uncomfortable start when he asked me what another word for 'matrimony' was. He then went on a big discussion on whether the extermination of the Jews in World War Two was planned, or just a stroke of luck. And if that wasn't attractive enough, we then (he then) divulged into a discussion about how bad slavery really was. At least I would ace my next History test.

The second guy was also nice. I could almost get over the whole breaking into song every five minutes thing and the constant happy attitude. It was when he asked me to sing along with him and measure smiles that made me want to kill him just a little bit. It was a shame, because he looked like Zac Efron, except with no talent and a scarily optimistic outlook on everything.

The third and final guy was my last straw. He looked like a baby faced Eminem, and tried to act like him too. When would guys realise that the only girls who had a crush on rappers were the girls who actually liked that music. There was a reason they asked Selena Gomez to be on Camp Hip-Hop and not me. I think the worst part of that coffee was when he tried to write a rap track about me, no, maybe it was when he put on his shades…the sun wasn't even out!

"What were you expecting?" Tawni asked me, when I reported back to her in the Prop House. "I had to announce it over Twitter last minute."

"I don't know, maybe a sane one," I replied. "Did you see those guys? I had a date with an Eminem wannabe and a Sesame Street reject!"

"Who gives a crap?" She snapped, shaking her head. "All you need to do is show up with them and pretend like you're having the time of your life. Chad will hate that."

"What now?" I asked quietly, my heart pounded at the mention of his name. I thought that after telling Tawni that the mere thought of our brief encounter wouldn't hurt as much, but hey, it still did. I squirmed every time I thought about it and I felt very sick. Tawni noticed, and sighed.

"I thought you wanted a date to make him jealous, see what he was missing out on and make him realise that he wants you," she replied, like it was a very realistic assumption. "It would be so romantic to watch."

"You say it like it actually happens in everyday life," I replied.

"I've saw Gossip Girl," she replied, "I know how it rolls." Again, I had to remember that I was talking to a girl that had been home schooled her whole life, because her life revolved around fame. I wasn't talking to someone like Lucy who actually understood what it meant to be in love in reality.

"Chad will not magically remember that he loves me just because I have a date," I told her, and she frowned, collapsing onto the sofa.

"That is so lame!" She whined. "I haven't saw a good romantic movie this winter! You and Chad were going to be my fixture!"

"What about you?" I asked her, trying to take her mind off of the impossible. "You're beautiful, a princess and ever so lovely. Where's your date?"

"Damon says he'll go," she shrugged. "He'll do, because I need someone to kiss at midnight, but you? You'll just have to pick someone who's decent and go, because we are in competition with The Falls!"

"Please stop Tawni," I replied flatly. "You're killing me with the romance."

"I thought our game plan was to get Chad to tell you he loves you," she insisted, and I was still trying to work that one out.

"Why would you think that?" I asked her desperately.

"Because it is so obvious that you are still head over heels for him," Tawni replied, smiling at me sympathetically. I was ready to deny it, and I had my mouth open in anticipation for a fantastic comeback, but there wasn't a point. She was right, and it sucked. I didn't want to be this girl. I didn't want to be the kind of girl that cried over a boy. I didn't even know what I was crying about. Chad had been drunk and I had been willing to believe anything.

"I liked him when I first saw him," I replied. "Tawni, I need to do something, don't I?"

"You risk becoming one of those crazy stalker girls on the news if you don't," she replied. Trust her to make me feel a whole lot better. "Okay, you're going to pick one of the lame-o dates and pretend you're having a wonderful time. Chad will see this and he'll tell you he loves you and then you guys will live happily ever after and it'll be great."

"Since when are you so good at this?" I asked her, surprised at how confident she was. I would have to restrict her intake of teen dramas.

"I'm pretty and confident, that's all you need," she told me. "You'll get there one day."

I smiled at her and remembered that she really was trying to compliment me. If she had wanted to insult me, then she would have told me I would never get there. I decided to call the second guy and tell him that he could be my date. I may have just despised his optimism, but it might be everyone else's kind of party favour. Hopefully it would drive Chad nuts.

Grady and Nico returned without anyone, but Zora returned with the guy who delivered our mail. Tawni immediately came out to judge him and put him down for a full on makeover.

"I'm going to die of embarrassment, and you're not even going with me," she told him, screwing up her nose. "Grady or Nico, you give him a loan of your cologne, trust me, he needs it."

"We're in competition with The Falls," I told him sympathetically, and he nodded. Of course he understood that, which I was thankful for. Whenever there was a competition between the two shows, anyone caught in between had to fit in just right.

"Sonny, you look pretty hot," Nico told me. It was nice to hear it; even though I was only wearing black skinny jeans and a silk red blouse. I was considering wearing something that showed some skin, but Tawni told me that class was everything.

"Thank you Nico," I smiled, elbowing him playfully, returning the favour about his suit. "Why didn't I just ask you out? You and Grady are still pretending to be together for the night, right?"

"No! I am not having you taking Nico out on a pity date just because no self-respecting girl would go with him," Tawni snapped, her ball gown fluttering above the floor. She looked like she was flying. "If you go with Nico, Grady will have to go alone and that will look bad, so they're going to make a point about bros over hoes, and that is final!"

We were all grateful that she turned into a kitten when Damon came to the door, followed closely by my date. His name was Jake, and he was wearing a purple suit. My date was wearing a purple suit! Why did I get the feeling that we should have been auditioning for Harry Potter?

"Hello, is it me your looking for?" He asked me, great, now he was quoting Lionel Ritchie to me. "I can see it in your eyes, and I can see it in your smile."

"I think the Von Trapps were onto something when they sang so long and farewell," Tawni remarked quietly to me, looking at me sympathetically. Unfortunately I had to pretend I just adored the boy.

Jake, it is so nice of you to join me tonight," I insisted, "I know it was short notice and I know Chad Dylan Cooper is throwing the party-"

"Nonsense, we are celebrating the good times! Come on!" He winked, and I was grateful when no one obeyed his wish. We were just about to walk out the door when an unfamiliar boy stood there with purple jacket. My date had a personal assistant? No, my date had an extremely hot personal assistant who was wearing the same The Academy Is t-shirt I owned and had shiny, but messy bronze hair.

"Who are you?" Tawni asked in that tone that meant she was about to loser her cool. Her blonde curls were bouncing, even though she was completely still.

"Todd's my friend slash assistant tonight," Jake replied, nodding to him. I saw Todd glare at him and smirked. Jake turned to me, "My parents insisted I bring someone, I hope you don't mind."

"Add him onto our entourage and call him the personal assistant," Tawni instructed, motioning to the coat she was holding. Todd took it without question and looked to me. I liked the look in his eyes when we met, and I felt this funny feeling in my gut that I hadn't felt in a long time. "No one would go to a party wearing THAT. Let's go! Let's go!"

As was expected, the Mackenzie Falls set had been transformed into a proper party location, with added leftover mistletoe, because Chad was probably hoping to get lucky. I knew it was wrong, but I always felt gut wrenchingly average when I entered The Falls. The girls there were always so beautiful and they looked like models that simply hadn't been discovered yet. Tonight was so different, even though Portlyn didn't talk much, she still looked stunning in a red Valentino gown. I looked horribly casual standing next to her.

Everyone else looked at home; I couldn't help think that Tawni had orchestrated it to make me stand out. The guys from The Falls looked at me like I was a street urchin, and I couldn't help but want a certain Falls member to defend me.

"I see the Randoms managed to deliver," one of the guys, Tyler remarked, as the rest of the cast crowded around us like we were about to perform a miracle. Chad wasn't with them.

"Yep, we even had to bring a personal assistant," Tawni remarked, pushing poor Todd forward. Why did I get the feeling that he had absolutely no idea what was going on. At least I wasn't the only one that looked like a peasant in the castle.

"Don't you deliver my mail?" Portlyn asked Zora's date. His face flushed, and she looked triumphant.

"It's just an excuse he uses so he can see me whenever he wants," Zora insisted, and his face was back to its normal colour. I prayed for Jake not to say anything.

"Well I am looking forward to getting to know you and getting to know all about you," he replied, in tune to the musical. I smiled, and patted him on the back. Hopefully they would report back to Chad and he would discover my plan before I looked like a total idiot.

"Isn't he a treat?" I laughed, putting my arm around him. "If there is a pop quiz on musicals later, this is our man!"

"I'm impressed," Tawni whispered to me. I assumed she meant that she was impressed with how I was managing to make my date look wonderful. It worked for Jake anyway, who put his arm around me, and held me close to him. I thought I was going to drown in his cologne. "Let's mingle!"

"You mind if I mingle?" Jake asked me, "My Mom is a huge fan of The Falls and wants me to get her some autographs and photos."

"Please, go nuts," I insisted, waving him off. I was so relieved when I was left alone. I could finally get a chance to think and absorb the situation. I walked over to the snack table and sniffed the punch. Man, someone had seriously spiked that thing. This was why I was glad I brought two bottles of coke with me. I looked outside the window to the California sky and prayed for this night to be over. I wasn't going to get it on with Jake, and I didn't even want to look at Chad - who was standing only inches away from me talking to Portlyn!

He looked so good as well in a real suit that I'd only seen worn in the old movies. He was tossing a strand of his golden hair away and about to turn in my direction. Was I ready to talk to him? I had already talked to him since, but this would be the first time I would talk to him alone. Was I ready? We were simply going back to whatever we were before that night when he was drunk. He was not my friend. He was definitely not my boyfriend. He wasn't anything to me, and he certainly wasn't the guy I was in love with. How did I look? My face was on fire, so that couldn't look attractive. I had a feeling my mouth had taken on a life of its own and suddenly I couldn't stop shaking. No, I wasn't ready! What the hell was I going to do?

Dive under the table and hope that he didn't see me! That was what I was going to do.

Yeah, I dove head first under the table and hoped that the paper tablecloth would cover my body. I ignored the fact that my head was pounding after colliding with a table chair and the fact that the cleaners hadn't swept the floors for a couple of days. I didn't know what I had accidentally swallowed, but I felt sick when I realised I had swallowed it. I could feel my heart beating rapidly, and my face heating up. He wouldn't see me, this was so full-proof.

"Sonny?" I saw Chad's feet directly across from me and sighed. I knew it was a bad idea to go head first, it must have made quite a noise. Okay, I needed a good reason for being under here.

"Oh darn, it's not down here," I replied quickly, immediately standing up. Chad had to grab my arms for a second while I regained my balance. When he touched me, it only made it worse, but I managed to remain on my feet and brush the dust from my hair. I didn't mean to, but I looked into his sparkly eyes and almost got lost like I did every time. I couldn't see his soul though.

"What's not down there?" He asked, trying to hide the smirk from his face. "If you're talking about your dignity, I think you lost it a long time ago."

"Oh haha," I snapped, immediately loosening myself from his grip. If he wasn't touching me, and I wasn't looking directly into his eyes, I would be fine. "Evening Chad. Cool party."

"Yeah, I didn't want to go over the top," he replied, forget the crystal disco ball and the multiple thousand dollar suits everyone was wearing.

"This is you Chad, you don't know what modest is," I retorted, but it was difficult trying to remain the way we were. He was looking at me funny, but I kept my eyes on the wall behind him; it was dirty and his stupid pretty hair kept getting in the way.

"Nah, I really don't," he smirked. "So, who's the guy you brought with you? You know, the guy who acts like he was rejected from High School Musical."

"I'll have you know that he's a great guy and I really like him," I replied confidently, despite the fact that I could hear him singing something from Oklahoma to some poor person. It was a shame he was actually kinda hot, because it made people think he was interesting. "What do you care anyway?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, sounding irritated.

"Absolutely nothing," I insisted, taking a small cup of the punch. I didn't know why I was doing it, but people always seemed to drink alcohol when they were under pressure. "I mean absolutely nothing."

"Sonny if this is about that night-"

"Sonny, your date needs you," I turned to see Todd taking my arm. I was tempted to let go and see what Chad was going to say, but I had to be smart. I couldn't spend my life waiting for him to come around. I was actually quite desirable and I should act like it. I turned away from Chad and stormed away. One of these days, it was going to be easier walking away from him.

"Where is Jake?" I asked. Did I know anything about musicals? I knew some things, but I had a feeling I could never sing the songs like Jake. After tonight, I would put him in touch with an agent who specialised in Broadway; they needed to meet this guy.

"Oh you just looked very uncomfortable, so I thought I'd save you," he winked at me, filling up a cup with the punch. "I think this punch is probably the best remedy for this party."

"Thanks," I replied, standing next to him. He was pretty hot; he looked messy, but in a clean way and his emerald eyes shone every time they reached the light. He reminded me of the city of Oz in The Wizard of Oz. "Chad and I are always uncomfortable."

"Not according to Tween Weekly," he told me, elbowing me. "According to them, you guys are quite the item."

"Did we look like a couple in love?" I laughed.

"Good point," he shrugged. "But you owe me one if Jake's bugging me, which is all the time right now, so I may need you with me the whole night."

"What are you talking about? Don't you have confidence that spring will come again? You see Good sir, I have confidence in me," I replied, trying to sing in tune, but Todd just shook his head and tried not to laugh at me.

"Do you know any other musicals apart from The Sound of Music?"

"We're off to see the wizard…" I trailed off, and then shook my head. "I was a big fan of Julie Andrews and Nazis when I was a kid."

"Most kids were listening to Barbie Girl and watching Cinderella," Todd mocked me. "You're disturbed, and you're meant to be a role model."

"What about you?" I asked him, and I felt our arms brush against each other. It made me shudder a little, and you know that feeling you get when it feels like you're the only two people in the room? I was beginning to feel like that. "Nazis weren't your thing?"

"I don't think anyone preferred the Nazis outside Germany," he chuckled.

"I like your t-shirt by the way," I said. That felt like a huge weight lifted off my chest; I had been wanting to tell him that for a while. He nodded and pointed to my blouse.

"Thanks," he said. "You suit that blouse Sonny Monroe. It makes you look grown up."

"How do you know I don't look grown up all the time?" I smiled teasingly, trying to keep his eyes on me.

"Don't tell anyone, but your show actually makes me laugh maybe once in a blue moon," he whispered into my ear, his breath making me tingle. "That doesn't go with the cool alternative image I've got going, so you better keep quiet about that."

"You know if I ask you out-"

"Hi Sonny?" I could have killed whoever was speaking to me. I had never ever suggested a date to a boy in my life until that moment. The words were streaming out of me as naturally as a river flowing and someone had just ruined it. I was just about to say something unbelievably witty to Todd while asking him out and someone had just ruined it. I looked up.

"Selena Gomez!" I gushed. I hated how I admired her so much I couldn't keep my mouth closed or even glare at her for longer than two seconds. She smiled and nodded. "I'll be back."

"Please, if he sings to me, I won't be responsible for a reaction similar to Carrie's," he called after me. I think I laughed a little too loudly in reply.

"How are you Sonny?" She asked me, playing with the rings on her fingers. She was wearing a gorgeous lilac strapless dress, and her hair was organised into a messy bun with curls hanging down by her shoulders. I hated how even she looked more beautiful than me. I bet she wanted Todd, and she was asking my permission. I really hated Selena Gomez.

"I'm great, you?" I replied. I probably should have emphasised on me; I thought I was beginning to sound a tad eager to hear all about Selena.

"I'm awesome," she replied, smiling. "I've had a good year and stuff. Look, I really want to apologize to you for the last time I was here." The thing was that she actually sounded quite remorseful, and I was clueless as to why she was apologizing. As far as I was concerned, Chad and I were the ones who made her storm out in a rage and remind us the only reason we watched Camp Hip-Hop.

"Okay," I nodded, "Why are you apologizing?"

"I made some assumptions about you and Chad Dylan Cooper, and it wasn't very fair," she confessed. "I just like the idea of being a bit of a relationship wizard, but that is no excuse. I thought I saw something there between the both of you, but I was mistaken. You're not into him and he is definitely not into you, and I am sorry that I said otherwise."

"It's really okay," I insisted, shaking her hand. "I had a blast hanging out with you and I'm convinced that we could probably be good friends."

"Sure," she smiled. "I'm a big fan Sonny Monroe."

"Ditto, Selena Gomez."

We were having quite a sweet moment, until he came by. I thought we had finished talking, but him and his million dollar suit and insufferable ego clearly weren't done. I subconsciously allowed myself to sigh out loud and glare at him, something I shouldn't have done in front of Selena. What she had said was my worst nightmare. I didn't want it. I wanted him to come up and tell me that he saw me with Todd and he hated it. He wanted me all to himself and he wanted me to dance with him under the crystal disco ball.

"Who was that I saw you talking to?" He asked me casually, referring to Todd, who mocked choking himself when he caught me looking at Jake serenading him. I forced myself to look at Chad, and decided to see if I could force something out of him.

"Turns out Jake's not the only one who's interested," I smiled, shrugging my shoulders as if it was all in a night's work. I didn't even know if Todd liked me. Come on Chad, just tell me you love me. Or tell me that the night you were pissed was just you talking out of your ass. Please stop keeping me on edge like this. I am yours if you would just say it. I prayed for all of these things, and when I looked into his eyes, I was convinced I could get through to his soul.

"Huh, I brought Selena Gomez, so I think I win this one," he replied smartly, putting his arm around her. I couldn't believe him. I couldn't believe her. That was just great; Selena had told me what she did before just to butter me up so that she could go out with Chad. I knew that she thought we weren't into each other, but why did she have to want him? Why didn't she see that he was so arrogant? I felt this pain in my chest and my cheeks flush red like someone had set them on fire.

"But I thought I came…with you, and I did, wonderful," she replied, smiling at me. Chad smirked at me, as if he knew something I didn't. I think that was the final straw for me. I think the look in his eyes when he watched me adjust to the idea of someone as beautiful as him dating someone just as beautiful. Even if he did love me, he was being unbelievably cruel.

"Have a good night," I said, walking away.

I went back to my apartment after that. I didn't even stay until midnight. Luckily Tawni was nowhere in sight, and the rest of the cast promised to tell her that I had gotten really wasted and thrown up, and that was why I was leaving early.

He didn't love me. Great, I could live with that.


	4. Bitter

**Author's Note: I feel like I am on a roll with this story, so I'm thinking it might be completed soon. I want to thank those who reviewed, it just makes me want to write it all the more. I promise you, Sonny's definitely going to perk up soon.**

"You left a party early? You left without a word to that Todd guy?" Lucy gasped when I told her on the phone. I wanted to tell her why, but something told me not to. The more people who didn't know about it, the better chance I had of moving on a lot faster.

"Well I was tired!" I protested. I should have came up with something better. I looked outside of my apartment onto the dead walkway. It was January 1st, I'd be lucky if I saw a passer by on a day like this. I felt a little hungover just after one sip of that horrendous punch I'd had. I wondered if Chad had gotten wasted, would Selena have heard everything I did? Did he have a habit of doing this so he could get some action? Stop it Sonny! You. Are. Over. It.

"I think my Grandma uses the same excuse when she leaves at ten pm," Lucy giggled. "I think you should call Todd. I think he really likes you."

"Lucy, just because he talked to me for a whole five minutes does not mean he likes me," I insisted, even though I had butterflies when I thought of what could happen if I saw him again. "Plus, I didn't even get his number anyway." I had refrained from telling her who he was, why he was there and why I needed a fake date.

"Facebook him?" She suggested.

"Yeah, because that's not stalker behaviour at all," I said sarcastically. I missed this. I didn't miss calling my best friend a weirdo, but I missed talking to her. She had been here on Christmas and I had been a miserable loser.

"I bet he's looked you up on twitter and stuff," she insisted, trying to use my celebrity status against me. Why hadn't I just ignored Selena Gomez and asked him out? "Sonny, do you like the guy?"

"Yeah, it was nice to be dry and sarcastic for a change," I confessed. When we had talked, I hadn't laughed so much in such a long time. Plus, he was gorgeous. Whenever we touched accidentally, I got a jolt of chills running through me, and whenever he looked at me I felt so self conscious. When he laughed at my jokes, it made my heart beat turn into a hum. It was weird, but I really liked it. "But Lucy, do I really need a man? I mean really?"

"You're not one of those girls who always has a guy," she told me. "Is this turning into that rant you had about Twilight? Because tell me now and I can go make something to eat."

"I'm sorry, but I have a point!" I protested, "You know I love it, but she just lives for nothing else but this vampire and her life doesn't seem to have any other motive. I don't want to be one of those girls who isn't happy unless she has a boyfriend."

"Sonny, stop making excuses and give the guy a call or something," she ordered me. "I have to go now. I love you and I will see you at Spring Break."

I had invited her to Tawni's island, because I desperately needed to bring someone. Tawni was no doubt going to bring whoever she was hooking up with at that point, Grady and Nico had promised to invite chicks, and even Zora had a guy friend to bring. I may have been bringing my best friend, because I certainly couldn't invite Todd or anyone. What was I doing? Why was I talking about him like I had a chance of seeing him again?

"Sure she can come," Tawni shrugged when I asked her. She was still tired, even though it was now January 5th, she was still tired. "You should have tried to find a date though."

"I don't need a date to be happy," I protested. I had been thinking about it for the last few days and the fact that my sadness originated from something a man had done to me made me annoyed. I was sure that the Suffragettes had not fought - even though not in my country - just for someone like me to be miserable over some stupid guy. So I had made a pact with myself. I was not going to pursue Todd, Chad or anyone; they could pursue me. Sonny Monroe was going to be independent. If I was a corporate bitch, the image in my head of the highest state of independence would look so much better.

"Have you turned into one of those women I keep running into when I go to movie premieres?" Tawni demanded, "Because some of them have shaved heads and I don't care how much you hate long hair, it will make me look like such a loser if people know we work together."

"I won't be pursuing anyone," I told her confidently, "They can pursue me."

"Fine, but don't blame me if you find yourself sitting by the phone waiting for him to call," she shrugged her shoulders, telling me that she was going to get a pedicure before we started rehearsals for the next show.

"Hey, how was the party?" I asked. "I forgot to ask."

"Please don't mention it," she snapped, her face turning red. "Some things happened that will never happen again, I can assure you. I have to go."

"What happened?" I called after her, but she was storming away faster than I could be bothered chasing after her. I would wait until she came back and force it out of her. Yeah, good plan.

I was happy to see Grady in the Prop House. I felt like I had to talk to someone who was not obsessed with dates, men and anything related to men. Yeah, I know, Grady is a man.

"Hi Grady, how has your vacation been?" I smiled, sitting down next to him on the sofa. We were watching some crappy comedy that had to have been cancelled, because I wasn't laughing and I was normally so easily amused.

"Okay," he shrugged. See, I loved that. He didn't have to say anymore than that. He was so straight to the point and I wondered, why couldn't girls be like that? Maybe if we were, then there would be no such thing as bitching or mixed signals between anybody.

"Grady, you were at Chad's party for quite a while, can you tell me why Tawni's so edgy about it?" I asked. Then again, there are some things that can never change, and a girl's itching for some gossip was one of them. Grady looked at me with guilty eyes and I pointed to him. "You know something! Grady you have to tell me!!"

"Why do I need to tell you?" He whined, "Why do things have to change? If I tell you, then it is just going to make it all real and that is something that cannot happen."

"Nuh uh! That is not fair! I was wasted and had to go home, trust me, I would have seen it otherwise," I protested. "You need to tell me."

"I do not need to tell you," he chuckled, but there was something nervous in that chuckle. I didn't want to do it, but I felt that I knew Grady at this point. I would have to go to my last resort.

"You tell me or I'll tell security you were stealing frozen yoghurt again," I told him quietly. He looked at me with so much fear and I was tempted to take it all back, but I sat there with my arms crossed, eating potato chips with a big smile on my face.

"You wouldn't," he replied, but his voice was trembling. "You don't have the guts."

"I don't think you want to take those odds," I warned him. I was serious. I was already a newcomer to the show and I needed a distraction from the temptation to look up Todd on Facebook. Yes, I confess, Tawni had made me very curious. I kept on thinking that it couldn't hurt, and I would get to look at that tousled bronze hair and fantasise about messing it, tugging it as I kissed him…yeah, I needed help.

"I saw Nico and Tawni making out!" Grady squealed as I was in the middle of yet another fantasy. When I heard it, I immediately snapped out of my fantasy and my jaw dropped to the floor. He wasn't serious; he was bluffing now. I looked at him suspiciously, looking deep into his eyes and breathing heavily. If you applied the right pressure, Grady would squeal like a little piggy. Listen to me sounding like a torture expert. He was sweating a little and shaking, but he didn't look like he could squeal at any minute.

"Seriously?!" I gasped, covering my mouth in shock, my head being plagued with images of the two of them going at it. Tawni and Nico? It was about as likely as myself and Obi Wan Kenobi! How could it have happened? Tawni had never showed any interest in Nico, and he didn't seem to show any interest in anyone other than Grady.

"But you can't tell anyone," he warned me, and this time he looked worryingly sinister. "I only happened to stumble into it when I was looking for a costume…Zora and I wanted to dress up like the people in The Falls."

"They were in a closet?" I gasped. Tawni always hated closets; she said that they were always so dirty and her blonde hair looked prematurely grey when she got dust in it. If she was making out with Nico in closets, I was scared. I'd never believed in aliens before, but invasion of the body snatchers seemed very likely.

"That is why you cannot say a word, do you hear me?" He demanded sternly, pointing his finger at me. "Not to anyone, because they don't know I seen them and if you tell them-"

"I promise I won't," I insisted. If I told people about Tawni, I was convinced that she would tell people about me and Chad. As far as I knew, no one knew about what had happened between us and that was how I wanted it to stay. I wonder if Selena Gomez was still here? Were she and Chad an item now? Why was I thinking about it so much?

It was a slow day. Marshall didn't show because he got snowed in at his Mother's place in the East coast and he didn't tell anyone. Grady and I sat in the Prop House discussing just how different everything would be if our friends became boyfriend and girlfriend. If Tawni and Nico did decide to date openly, it could really complicate things. Not that I didn't believe in true love conquering all, but there could easily have been a break up.

"It's like if you and Chad started dating!" He insisted, "At least you guys are on different shows, but it would complicate things, wouldn't it? Like that episode of Mackenzie Falls where Mackenzie does end up dating a girl in his class. Look how that turned out!"

"I hardly think that Tawni's jealous ex-lover would poison her and lock her in a dungeon for going out with Nico," I assured him, but he really looked shaken up about it. "And trust me, Chad and I will never happen. Why would you even say that?"

It didn't feel good saying that, and it stuck in my mind as I headed home to my apartment. It would never happen? I knew that I was right when I said it…okay, this had to stop. I would have to become an old maid or something. Since when did my life become all about boys? How I longed for the days when being on So Random and making people laugh were all that I needed. I guess this was growing up.

When I approached my door, my thoughts were fortunately interrupted by a man standing at my door. I had never seen him before in my life, and I'm sure my Mom hadn't either. When he saw me, he immediately jumped, and tousled his raven black hair.

"Wrong door," he told me, brushing past me. He smelled like cigarettes. I shrugged my shoulders and unlocked the door to my apartment. I was grateful that he did take me away from my mind, because I was sure I was ready to have a stroke with how unstable I was.

I turned on the TV to find an old movie on. I liked old movies; they reminded me of a simpler time and I would sit there wishing that men said the same thing in reality. How I longed for the days when alcohol didn't trigger any true feelings and sex wasn't a big deal because you wouldn't be having it unless you were married. Ugh, listen to me, I sound bitter at the age of seventeen.

When the doorbell rang, I could hardly tear myself away from the TV. I was sitting there with tears in my eyes watching that movie. Who knew that old movies were so darn sad? I had to clean myself up and fix my hair, because I had been lying down. I smiled into the hallway mirror and convinced myself that I hadn't been crying. I opened the door.

"Hi Sonny."

I couldn't believe it. There he was, just when I needed him to be there.


	5. The Philadelphia Story

**Author's Note: I'm still not entirely sure where I'm going with this, but I recently watched 500 days Of Summer and some old movies from the fifties, so I think they've influenced me a lot. You're being so patient and the reviews are great. Keep it up. Much love!**

"Todd?" I smiled. I couldn't believe he was standing at my door and I was standing there after crying at an old movie. I couldn't move; he was beautiful. He looked so much better now that he wasn't surrounded by people that he hated. He was wearing another band t-shirt, and a pair of faded jeans, his hands in his pocked with a smirk on his face. I wanted to scream and gush, but I had to play this cool. Someone up there obviously liked me and I couldn't mess this up.

"Sonny," he smiled, "I thought I'd see how you were after you got so wasted on New Year's. I was surprised, because you didn't touch any of that punch." Okay, now he was playing Sherlock Holmes? Oh no, what if he thought I left because of him and he had simply looked me up to reject and humiliate me? Come on Sonny, no one is that cruel, I told myself.

"I was drinking the punch," I protested, but my voice made me sound like I was singing, which was too suspicious, even for Sherlock Holmes. "Okay, I wasn't drinking the punch. It wasn't you."

"I'm not saying it was about me," he replied, well at least he was assured about that. He obviously hadn't came over because he was concerned. "Truth be told, I thought you were really cool and was planning to kiss you at midnight."

Okay, so he had came over to ask me out. That was so much better than coming over simply because he was concerned.

"Kiss me at midnight?" I managed to choke, but I certainly wasn't the definition of cool.

"I know it's lame, but I really wanted to piss off Jake too," he whispered to me, I liked it when I had to lean over, it gave me chills. "And I have a feeling you wanted to piss him off too."

"Do you talk to him still?" I asked.

"Kinda, but only because my parents and his parents are buddies," he replied bitterly. We stood in silence for a minute. I really wanted to kiss him. His lips were so rosy and his arms looked so welcoming, and the thought of brushing my fingers through his hair was unbelievably tempting. "So, am I allowed to come in at all?"

"Yeah sure," I replied, standing to the side, his cologne hypnotising me as he walked past me. Screw playing it cool, I hadn't contacted him for a few days, that counted for something.

"Just sit down on the sofa and watch whatever you want," I told him, quickly running into the bathroom. I looked awful; why did he even want to come in? I had greasy hair, an oily face, chapped lips, shadows under my eyes…I looked like a junkie. How was I going to fix this? Well this had taken seventeen years of work, and I didn't have that time-

"Sonny if you're in the bathroom freshening yourself up, you look fine to me," Todd called to me. I felt my heart doing a little leap.

"I was actually in the bathroom doing the primary thing one does in there," I told him when I came out. I had in fact brushed talcum powder through my hair to make it look fresh.

"Nicely put," he smiled, as I handed him a bottle of water. He was watching Scrubs. What was one supposed to do when sitting on the couch with a hot guy? This was when I wished I had read the girly magazines I was supposed to read when I was younger. "So, this is your own place?"

"Yeah," I said. "My Mom visit's a lot, but she has to stay in Wisconsin to look after my Gran because she's sick."

"I'd kill for my own place," he replied, turning down the TV. I assumed that was a good sign.

"It's because I'm famous," I joked, edging in closer to him and he didn't complain.

"You're famous and I'm still in high school," he replied. "What are you, slumming it just now?" I definitely wasn't slumming it. As I gazed at Todd, I realised that it definitely wouldn't kill me if he wanted to see me again.

"Hey, are you assuming that this is a first date?" I asked him. God, please be assuming that this was a first date. I wouldn't complain about that. "Someone's confident."

"Okay I'm sorry, my bad," he insisted, edging back a little. Well done Sonny, I bet Teen Vogue didn't recommend that smooth move. "Let's just talk a little. Okay, how did the So Random thing happen?"

"They were holding auditions, I auditioned and that was it really," I shrugged, because that really was the case. There was no rags to riches story, and I didn't even almost miss the audition. I was actually an hour early for the audition. God, I was boring.

"What did you have to do in the audition? Did you have to act all…random?" He asked me. I felt like I was being interviewed.

"Well considering it's the name of the show, I did have to act a little random, sure," I laughed, and I made sure that I touched his arm. I'd been out with Tawni once, and she said that bodily contact was extremely important when it came to distinguishing who your friends were and who potential boyfriends were. "What about you? What's it like to…be in high school?"

"Awkward, alienating, depressing…need I go on?" He chuckled. "I like music though, and English, don't ask me why. I love reading books and writing essays about them. I play the guitar too."

"So you're potentially the next Hemingway?" I asked him. He was the only classic author I could think of on the spot, but Todd seemed to enjoy the comparison.

"I'm not a big writer, but that's a very sweet thing to say," he smiled, touching me a little too. "I think you're as funny as Ellen DeGenres."

"She's the only female comedienne you could think of, right?" I giggled. That was worse than my comparison.

"I remembered Joan Rivers too, but I think that's more of an insult," he chuckled. He had such a pretty laugh.

"Let's not compliment each other until we have something good to say, okay?" I requested, and he nodded. The urge to kiss him was even greater now and I blamed the movie. The old movies made a crush like this seem so much more romantic than it actually was.

"Okay, but I have to tell you this," he said. "You said you liked The Academy Is, right?"

"Love them," I nodded enthusiastically. They had been the soundtrack to my summer before I came to California; my last summer in Wisconsin as a nobody.

"I got tickets to a gig of theirs in a month and I thought you might want to go," he said. He was officially asking me out, and I could barely breathe. There he was sitting so close to me with an eager and hopeful smile on his face. He liked me, and he wanted to ask me out. I didn't know that I could have such an impact on someone after only one meeting. I was aware that Chad Dylan Cooper said something a little similar, but this was different. Todd wasn't drunk and Todd wasn't eager to forget everything he said the very next day.

"Okay, I'd love to come," I nodded my head. "And I think you should tour the studios where we shoot So Random. I'll feel bad if I don't do something for you."

"Don't let anyone know I told you this," he replied, edging closer to me until I could feel his breath on my cheek. I believe my cheek went numb after that. "The best way to find out if you trust somebody is to trust them."

"That's really sweet," I smiled.

"A huge pitfall of enjoying English," he replied. "I can quote this stuff to the girls."

"Are you saying you trust me?" I asked him. I had lost all track of the conversation, but I didn't mind, because he looked at me so seriously, and it was making me nauseous with the temptation to kiss him. Why did he have to be so smart and so pretty? I hated boys.

"I'm saying that I want to," he told me, our foreheads pressing against the other. I didn't know how we had gotten so close, but I wasn't complaining about it. I didn't know what to do either; I had never been so close with anyone after meeting them. I knew I could do a hell of a lot worse, but I was so used to taking it slowly with maybe a kiss as we said goodbye.

"I like you," I admitted nervously, staring at the ground, but he perked up my chin and smiled at me so sweetly.

"I like you too Sonny," he told me, refusing to let go of my chin. "I liked you when we got talking at the party and I've not been able to stop thinking about you."

I didn't think. I kissed him. I wrapped my arms around him and I kissed him. When his arms touched my waist, I felt a strange sensation go through me. It was great. I won't lie, it was the perfect kiss and it didn't feel complete until I was clinging onto his hair. Touching him seemed so right, and having him touch me made it perfect. I couldn't imagine never seeing him again.

"So I'm going to safely admit that we're not friends," Todd said, after we came up for air. He had ended up on top of me, and I was buried deep into the sofa.

"I don't think we'll ever be friends," I laughed, pulling him back for a kiss, but he sat up straight. He reminded me too much of someone else when he pulled away.

"I need to go Sonny," he said. I nodded and handed him a piece of paper with my phone number on it. "I'll call you tomorrow. I promise."

"Great," I smiled, standing at the door as he stepped out of it. Before he left, he turned around and kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around him like they did in the movies. When I closed the door, I almost screamed, but instead I just jumped up and down and waved my arms like a lunatic. I had a date. I practically had a boyfriend. Sonny Monroe was no longer a spinster and it felt good.

The doorbell rang again, stopping me mid jump, so I had to compose myself and open the door to make it look like I hadn't been missing him. I opened the door.

"Oh it's you," I sighed in disappointment. Chad Dylan Cooper stood at my door looking as cocky as always and staring at the floor. I was way too focused on the kissing session I'd had with Todd to care about what he wanted. However, I couldn't help but wonder why Chad actually looked a little worried. Did he realise that he wasn't the greatest actor of our generation? Had Selena dumped him? I really hoped that Selena had dumped him.

"Sonny," he smiled that arrogant smile of his. "I brought you this." He handed me a small present and waited for me to open it. I looked at him suspiciously while playing with the package.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because it was Christmas and you've kinda been looking miserable for the past few days," he replied casually. I wanted him to say something else. "So Chad Dylan Cooper took it upon himself - quite graciously I think - to bring you some joy or at least something to put a smile on your face."

"When I said you were the horrible nightmare that woke me up, I wasn't lying," I told him sarcastically, smirking at him. "This isn't a copy of the movie about your life, is it?"

"I did consider giving you that. Did you see my performance. The New York Times called it compelling and superbly demonstrated," he reminded me, like he had everyday for a month after the movie came out. "But I changed my mind, because the look of my face seems to make you very annoyed right now."

"Are you trying to apologize to me?" I asked him. I asked it quietly, because God forbid the paparazzi realised that Chad was actually a nice person to arch nemesis Sonny Monroe. I felt myself choke up and the weird butterflies come back.

"No," he immediately replied. "Chad Dylan Cooper has nothing to be sorry for, but the world owes him so much for the fact he hasn't yet won an Oscar."

"Chad? I don't have time for this, just tell me why," I pleaded, crossing my arms. "Are you sorry about a certain stunt you pulled at New Year's?"

"Do you mean Selena?" He smirked, "Are you jealous?"

"Are you still with her?" I demanded. I couldn't believe that he was acting like this. Why couldn't he remember what he said to me? Why was he able to act so sarcastically when he supposedly felt the way he did about me?

"No," he replied, looking away from me. "Someone - I mean something happened there. It's actually the reason I came over tonight - hey, your lip gloss is smudged by the way, anyway - wait a minute, you've been with someone!"

"Why do you say that?" I asked him defensively. I knew I should have tidied my hair, I - wait! Why was I apologizing for making out with the guy that I considered to be my boyfriend? Why was I sorry that Chad Dylan Cooper thought I had been kissing someone? I had every right to be kissing Todd. Chad didn't love me, and I definitely didn't love him.

"Fine, I was kissing someone," I smiled, trying not to tremble as I said it. For a second I thought Chad was actually upset by what I had said. He froze with the expression of surprise he had before and he looked into my eyes deeply, probably making sure that I wasn't lying..

"Is it serious?" He asked me.

"Yeah, it's getting serious," I replied, unwrapping his present. I needed something to distract my hands with because they were shaking so much. It was a DVD. I examined it and saw that it was called The Philadelphia Story, with James Stewart in it.

"I thought I'd show you a movie with a real actor," he smiled, and when he touched the DVD pointing to his idol, our hands accidentally touched. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel some sort of chill go through me. "I talked about him when I was drunk, remember?"

"You remember that?" I asked him with surprise, my heart pounding. We could barely look at each other, and I felt my body go numb. He remembered something.

"Unfortunately I do," he replied, shaking his head with what seemed like shame. "I remember a lot of things about that night."

"What do you-"

"Gotta go Monroe," he interrupted me, looking at the watch on his arm. "Tell me what you think of that movie."

"I'm sure it'll surprise me," I replied, waving to him as he walked away. Why was it that I could see everything coming from Todd, but Chad Dylan Cooper continued to surprise me everyday?

Did he remember what happened?


	6. The Way We Were

**Author's Note: I want to thank you all for the lovely reviews, they make me want to write all the more. Right now I am very influenced by the old movies, so you might find a couple of quotes in here. You guys are so great and I hope you're enjoying the story. Read and review!**

I couldn't think straight when we finally got back to work the next day. I had lay in bed the night before analysing everything Chad Dylan Cooper said to me the night before. I analysed what he said, how he said it, how he looked when he said it, his posture and his eyes. Did he remember that he told me he loved me? Was I just being crazy because I still liked him? Yes, I had changed from being in love with him, to not being in love with him, to liking him a little. We had a history! Unfortunately I couldn't help myself.

"Tawni there is an emergency," I sighed, walking into our dressing room dressed like a bumblebee. Nico, Zora and I had to rehearse a scene and I couldn't even get the lines right. I wish I could just figure him out. Oh where was that stupid relationship wizard to sort things out when I needed her!

When I looked up, I saw Tawni and Grady sitting on our sofa with their scripts. I was surprised, because since Grady had been cutting his toenails in front of her, she was very wary of him.

"We're rehearsing lines," he told me casually. He looked nervous, and then I remembered that Tawni might be involved with Nico. I wanted to ask her about it so badly, because she had been acting so casual around him today. There was no nerves, nothing! She even asked him to make her a coffee and I will tell you, there was no love lost between the two of them when they exchanged glances. I didn't think Grady had anything to worry about; unfortunately the majority of us had been victim to a one night thing.

"You can go now," Tawni told him, motioning him away like he was a bug. "Shoo!"

"That was a little harsh," I told her after Grady closed the door. The poor guy thought he was losing his best buddy to her, so I thought she could have been a little more sensitive. I badly wanted to say that to her.

"You want to talk and I don't think you want Grady to hear all about Chad, do you?" She replied, a little too defensively. It wasn't like Tawni to get irritated quite so easily, but her mood swings were known to be erratic, so I guessed she was having an emotional day.

"I had a date with Todd last night if you must know," I told her proudly. I felt ashamed that I had to publicise it to make me feel better. I also hated the fact that Chad appeared in this story. "He came to my apartment and we kissed."

"Todd being the assistant of your fake New Year's date?" She asked me, and I nodded nervously. "Aww that is so sweet! I can't believe you can stand a normal one! Good for you, forget class conflict!"

"I've told you to stop reading Zora's advanced textbooks on sociology," I remarked, shaking my head.

"Well, tell me everything," she pleaded, grabbing my hands so tightly I feared that the blood loss would cause them to fall off. I told her everything to distract myself, and it was weird, but I felt myself warming up every time I mentioned his name, and when Tawni gasped, or cooed I felt myself getting more excited and more eager to re-live the night.

"So I think we're going steady or something," I told her, concluding my story. She clapped her hands, her blonde curls bouncing off her shoulders.

"I am so proud of you!" She beamed, hugging me tightly. "I knew you'd get over stupid Chad!"

"Funny story actually," I began. "He came over after Todd left."

I worried when I felt her loosening her grip on me. She pulled herself free and glared at me, shaking her head as if she knew it was going to happen. Why did Tawni have to be so condescending when she looked at you disappointingly?

"Did you invite him over?" She demanded, looking disgusted with me.

"No, he came over to give me a present because I've been acting so miserable lately," I told her, feeling the nice warmth built up inside of me freeze into blocks of ice.

"He gave you a present? What was it?" She asked me, looking very curious.

"The Philadelphia Story, you know, the movie with James Stewart?" I asked, and she looked at me blankly, "It's an old movie Tawni, you're supposed to be an actress!"

"I thought it was something better!" She protested.

"It's not the movie Tawni," I told her, my voice shaking. "When Chad was wasted - when he told me he loved me - he also talked about how much he loved James Stewart and how he was his favourite actor and how he wanted to be like the guy."

"So?" She shrugged. I couldn't believe that she didn't get it; I was simplifying it and everything, but still, she didn't - "OH! HE MIGHT REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID?!"

"I don't know," I hissed glaring at her for yelling. At least she understood what I was saying.

"What exactly did he say that makes you think he remembers?" She asked me quietly, looking at me seriously. We were about to do some serious analysing.

"He gave me the movie and told me that he talked to me about James Stewart when he was wasted, I laughed and told him I was amazed he remembered anything. He replied that he unfortunately remembered that. And then he said; 'I remember a lot of things about that night'."

"Oh my God!" She gasped. "I don't even know what he means! Ugh, stupid Chad Dylan Cooper! I couldn't even understand him when we were thirteen! And he still hasn't changed!"

"Do you think I should ask him?" I asked her desperately, feeling my heart pounding again. Honestly, could that thing not keep it down for once?

"Are you kidding me? That would be suicide!" Tawni snapped, pointing her finger at me. Is it weird that I felt sad when she said that? "Have you never read He's Just Not That Into You. I'm pretty sure that if he's not telling you he loves you - or acknowledging that he said it - it means that he's just not that into you!"

"You think so?" I said, checking that she was serious, but her eyes told me that I was stupid for even questioning her advice.

"That book says that if a guy likes a girl then he will tell her. The book says that if a guy likes you, you'll know about it and you won't keep guessing," she told me. The one book she reads just had to be one about guys and relationships, it was just my luck! "Sonny you have a nice guy wanting to be your boyfriend and telling you he likes you, yet you're wondering if an arrogant prick likes you?"

"Oh my God you're right!" I replied, covering my mouth in shock. "I am a masochist!"

"You're a what now?" She asked me. Damn, I forgot that Tawni wasn't used to words like that; they were too long and unless I used it in a sentence she wouldn't understand.

"I love hurting myself," I said, and the horrible truth made me shudder. There I was wondering if Chad liked me, when I already knew that Todd did. What was wrong with me? Why did I want to pursue the arrogant prick over the decent guy?

"Admitting you have a problem is half the battle," Tawni whispered to me, putting her arm around me. "Okay, here's what you're going to do. You're going to see where it goes with Tom-"

"Todd."

"I was close! Anyway, you're going to see how it goes with him and you're going to try and avoid Chad. You were doing so well with that before the whole drunken thing, so let's try and go back to that."

"You're right," I smiled, clasping her hands. When we loosened our grips on each other, I realised that we had shared a sentimental moment and it hadn't been awkward. It had taken long enough. "What about you Tawni? What's the deal with Damon?"

"There is no Damon," she told me, shrugging her shoulders. "We actually broke up after New Year's."

"That's a shame," I sighed, hoping she would confess what happened between her and Nico. We were friends now and I was actually quite insulted that she still hadn't told me. "And there wasn't anyone else involved at all?"

"No," Tawni replied. "Who would cheat on me? No matter what I am always pretty."

"But you said something happened at that party that never needed to happen again," I reminded her and she went chalk white.

"My dress ripped, okay?" She replied, but I wasn't convinced. Who did she think I was? Now I was becoming Sherlock Holmes. It wasn't fair that she was keeping such a huge secret when I had the decency to tell her about me and Chad.

"And you definitely didn't cheat, right?" I asked. I couldn't believe I had asked her that; it was crossing a line I didn't know I had the authority to cross. Tawni looked utterly shocked, but she didn't look mad at me. In fact, I swear she looked guilty.

"I didn't cheat," she insisted. "We were never official anyway."

"Tawni, did you kiss him at midnight?" I asked her. Grady and I had discussed it, and he told me that Tawni had kissed Nico at midnight.

"Oh I was definitely kissed at midnight," she replied breathlessly, a small smile on her face. That was it! That was all I needed to know! Was it a one night thing? Or was it a still going on thing? Tawni wasn't telling me something, and by the look on her face, it was apparent that the something was still going on.

"Tawni, Sonny, we need you onset," Nico told us, peeking his head through the door just like a guilty boy who had been making out with someone who was supposed to be his friend. I couldn't believe that my best friends were having an affair with each other. It would be all over the magazines, and oh my God! What if they broke up?

"Sonny, come on!" Tawni snapped me out of my fantasy and dragged me onset. Surprisingly, I managed to say my lines, but I still felt weird watching the two of them. It was like nothing had changed, but Grady looked the most nervous. I felt bad for him, because it was really obvious that he had never experienced his best friend having a girlfriend before. I would give him advice from when I had to cope when Lucy had a boyfriend.

After we were changed, I bravely ventured past no man's land and into the enemy's territory. I definitely stood out from the uniforms and pretty girls. I knocked on Chad's dressing room and waited for him to answer. He looked surprised when he saw me standing there.

"Come in before anyone sees you!" He demanded, pulling me in. The pictures of himself had multiplied and he even had a cardboard cut out of himself from the time he used it to invite people to his birthday party. It didn't surprise me one little bit. I actually hoped that he would turn to gold for being so vain. That was how the story went, right?

"I watched the movie," I told him, because I had. I had enjoyed it too. I liked Jimmy Stewart, but I liked Cary Grant better. Something about the way he talked and the way he was so sure of himself made me want him a little bit.

"Really Sonny? Really?" He asked me. I couldn't help but smile, it was the first time that he'd talked to me the way he did pre-drunk times since he had been drunk. We were getting past the awkwardness that he didn't even know existed. I was grateful.

"Yes and I liked it," I told him. "I didn't know you had taste."

"I never cease to amaze myself,," he winked. "Jimmy Stewart was good, right? I always liked the way he talked and I could never get why she chose Cary Grant over him."

"They had history," I shrugged my shoulders. "The time to make up your mind about people is never."

"Look at you all clued up on the oldies," he teased, but he was smiling at me. He wasn't smirking at me, he was actually smiling at me. "And you remember It's A Wonderful Life?"

"I'll love you till the day I die George Bailey," I quoted in the accent the actress used in the movie. He smiled at me again and nodded.

He looked at me for a minute, and I mean really looked at me. He looked at me the way I was looking into his soul the night he was drunk.

"We're good Chad."

"Fine."

"Good."

I quickly exited Chad's dressing room and the studio to get a little bit of air. I thought my head was going to explode with all the emotions in there. I had to stop watching everything romantic and read the book Tawni had read.

When I looked out onto the street, I saw the guy who had been standing at my door the previous night. He looked lost again and when he saw me looking at him, he held up a map. I smiled and considered maybe going over to help him, but when I looked up he was gone again.

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone, and I couldn't refrain from smiling when I saw that Todd was calling me. I picked up the phone.

"Hello. Yeah, I've missed you too. I can't wait to see you."

"How was your day?"

"It was great. Things are finally back to the way they were."


	7. About A Girl

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews for this story, and just because you're all that awesome, here is an extra chapter to enjoy!**

I didn't want to go to Sonny's apartment. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but something kept pushing me towards her street.

I had just finished filming another perfect episode of Mackenzie Falls and I was walking back to my own apartment where Selena Gomez would be waiting for me. We weren't dating, but thanks to my tactless attempt to make Sonny jealous, the whole world now suspected we were an item. Well, she had two guys after her and I didn't have one date. Selena was conveniently on her own so I used that to my advantage.

Boy, did I regret it. I wanted to break things off with her the next day, and she knew it, but she told me that she had been photographed with me and we would have to do something to make us look close. She knew that I didn't like her, and she said she understood it, but she didn't want to be seen as that girl who only liked one night things. I told Sonny we weren't together, and she was the only one I was allowed to tell.

I wanted to tell Sonny I liked her the night I gave her The Philadelphia Story; I wanted to tell her and have us watch it together all happy. It was so stupid, I don't know why I even thought of it. I thought that maybe we had a shot at something, but then I noticed her hair was all messed up and her lip gloss was smeared. I didn't like the feeling it gave me. I wasn't used to the stabbing pains of my chest or the gut wrenching discomfort I felt when she told me about Todd.

Who named their kid Todd anyway? It's not as captivating as Chad Dylan Cooper. He was so full of himself with his pretentious alternative look and the stupid brooding thing he had going on. Sonny liked him though, I could see it in her eyes. When she told me they had kissed, I saw her face light up and she could barely keep the smile off her face. So I just gave her the movie. Let her be with the guy; I didn't need her. I didn't need anyone.

I'd get over her. There were a million Sonny Monroes in the world, and I had just met one of them. The feelings I had for her were purely lustful. There was nothing romantic about them, and I would move on. I didn't need anyone. I had spent my life having one night or one week things with girls and I was just fine. There was no point getting serious with anyone, because they didn't understand my life; they didn't understand that I needed to dedicate a lot of time to myself and to my show. They would be freaked out and piss off anyway, so I was saving myself the hassle. I needed to concentrate on my acting and on myself, because no one else had gave a damn about those things.

I was not in love with Sonny Monroe.

Why I was standing right outside her door, I don't know. I wanted to ring the doorbell so badly and just explain myself to her. She deserved it; I was a jerk to her a lot of the time and she just accepted it. I didn't want to be a jerk to her. I did think she had shiny hair, and a shiny personality too. How could anyone be mean to her? She was friendly, down to earth and she was funny. She didn't deserve someone like me constantly acting like a jerk to her and pretending I was smarter. She didn't realise it, but she was actually a hell of a lot smarter than me.

I rang the doorbell.

"Chad?" She looked surprised when she answered the door. She always looked at me funny whenever she saw me and I knew why.

"Can I come in?" I asked her politely. I wished I had brought a present or something that gave me an excuse to come in without it being weird.

"Sure," Sonny shrugged, standing aside to let me in. As I walked by her, I hated how the mere smell of her made my gut ache a little bit. She cleaned up a little and offered me a seat next to her on the sofa. "What's up Chad?"

"I thought I'd come and hang out for a little while," I told her, patting both my knees, because we could barely even look at each other. "We haven't just hung out for a while, don't you think?"

"We never used to hang out for a while," she remarked, flicking her shiny hair behind her ears and biting her lip a little. It made my heart skip a beat, which disgusted me.

"Maybe I want to start hanging out a little more," I shrugged, but I honestly didn't know what I wanted to be honest. I hoped that her new boyfriend wouldn't disturb us. I wanted to say so much to her, but I didn't know how to say it and I didn't think I would say it.

"Really Chad, really?" She replied, mimicking me. I missed that. We used to carry on and poke fun at each other all the time, but now it was all weird and strained. I didn't like it; I didn't like that I couldn't talk to her so freely. I used to be able to tell her anything and she wouldn't even know I was doing it. That was the beauty of it, it was never a big deal when I told her anything personal.

"I am capable of having friends," I chuckled.

"That's amazing," she gasped sarcastically. "These friends don't look identically like you, do they? You're actually capable of talking to people who don't compliment you at every waking moment?"

"Well I'm sitting here with you," I said, elbowing her in the ribs, but she edged away from me. I guessed she didn't want to offend whatever she had with this Todd guy. Ugh, every time I said his name it pissed me off. Stupid Todd. "Sonny, what happened to us?"

"What do you mean?" She asked. She was pretending that she didn't notice it, but I could see it in her eyes. She knew as well as I did that nothing was the same.

"Don't pull that with me," I pleaded with her. "We've never had secrets and now you can barely stand to look at me sometimes. I know you're with Todd and you don't want to offend-"

"Chad, it's not that," she insisted, pressing her face into her hands. Oh God, why had I brought it up? I couldn't stand it when people got upset in my presence. I wasn't very good at comforting people who weren't me. Sonny looked strained, and I could tell that she wanted to say something to me.

"Then what is it?" I asked her. "I want it out in the open, because I don't like not knowing." Why was I doing it to myself? Did I enjoy bringing myself misery?

"It doesn't matter," she shrugged her shoulders, but then I glared at her and she sighed. "I don't know why it still bugs me, I mean you don't even remember and you were really drunk when you said it. I'm just being oversensitive."

"Sonny, is this about the night I was wasted?"

I knew exactly why she was mad.

"Yep," she nodded, tears coming to her eyes. I wanted to wipe them away, a temptation I had to convince myself not to give into. "You were drunk though and you obviously didn't mean it, because who forgets the important things, right?"

"I remember that I told you I loved you," I confessed, unable to believe I was saying it. It was something I had been hiding for a while. "I remembered the very next morning what I had said."

"You do?" She gasped, covering her mouth.

Of course I remembered it. I didn't want to remember it, because I shouldn't even have said it to her in the first place. We had been fine the way we were; I'd had a little crush on her that I liked denying at every minute and we were able to be friends without the whole attraction thing. I liked that and I didn't want it to change just because I wanted to kiss her every time I saw her. It was something I could ignore, but I could still talk to her.

And then she told me she loved me too.

It scared me. I thought that I was the only one with feelings and when she told me the same thing back, I realised that things would have to change. I was Chad Dylan Cooper; the lone wolf. I didn't have girlfriends, I had myself. I didn't need anyone else, and all of a sudden this girl that I really liked also loved me, despite the jerk I was. She was sober when she said it too, which freaked me out more. She really did love me and she really did expect me to want her the next day.

I did want her the next day, but I was terrified. So I left like nothing had happened, because if I didn't remember, then she wouldn't tell me and nothing had to change. Only that bright idea blew up in my face, because everything had changed. I was jealous of her new boyfriend and the feelings I had were growing like a virus everyday.

"Yep," I confessed. "Guilty."

"But why didn't you say anything?" She demanded, clenching her fists. "You know I would have remembered, but you didn't say a word."

"I was scared," I sighed. "I was scared, because we were putting a label on something we had and when that happens, the idea of running is a huge temptation for me."

"I felt like shit," she told me through gritted teeth, glaring at me like I was the scum of the earth. "I felt miserable, because I had actually been honest with you and you didn't even care! That was how little I meant to you!"

"You do not mean little to me at all!" I snapped. "I hate that you're with someone else now! I hate that I can't stop thinking of you! I hate that I pretended Selena was my date because I wanted to put you off thinking that I loved you! I hate that I keep on denying that I feel anything because admitting it means admitting that I lost my chance! I hate that I love you! I would do anything in the world not to be in love with you! But when I think of life not being in love with you, I hate that! You complete my life Sonny Monroe! What do you think of that?"

"I'll tell you what I think of that!" She snapped, and she kissed me. She literally pounced on me, wrapped her arms around me and kissed me. I held her tightly, and I swear to God, it was the most passionate kiss I've ever given anyone. I tugged at her hair, and she tugged at mine, and I held onto her like she could disappear at any second. We collapsed onto her sofa, but kept kissing.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I immediately sat up straight and looked for Sonny. I was surprised to find that I was lying in bed. Alone. It had all been a dream. I hadn't been to Sonny's and she still didn't know that I remembered everything from the night I was wasted. I was a little disappointed, because I liked kissing her in that dream, and I liked it when she told me that she was actually upset when I didn't return her sentiment the next morning. She cared about me, regardless of what a jerk I was.

That was why I couldn't tell her I knew. I couldn't hurt her.


	8. Boyfriend

**Author's Note: The reviews are all so overwhelming! I don't think I've ever had this much reviews for anything, so thank you all so much! I'm glad you can all appreciate my references to old movies and even sociology! I know where I'm going with this story and everyone's support is just brilliant. Keep reading and reviewing!**

Todd and I had been together a month when I decided it was time to show him around the So Random studios. These things require time and patience, but if I was honest, I couldn't wait to show him around everyone. Sonny Monroe's boyfriend was actually a nice guy and I wanted everyone else to know that.

"So I'm getting a tour of the studios?" He asked me as we entered the building. "Don't tell anyone but I think this is actually a dream come true."

"I'm your girlfriend now, I don't think you can keep the cool thing up," I told him, squeezing his hand. It was weird holding his hand. It meant something, and I wasn't used to something being so clear with a boy. But it was simple with Todd, he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend; it had been an awesome month, and even though I had suspected we had spent most of it in a lip lock, I wanted to kiss him again.

"Damn, oh well," he shrugged, kissing me softly on the forehead. "I had a feeling we're in a public place, so I can't kiss you on the lips."

"Look at you being a gentleman," I giggled, shaking my head. We walked into the Prop House, where Tawni and Grady were eating an omelette and watching Jerry Springer. I knew that Todd didn't expect them to be watching a Shakespearian adaptation, but Jerry Springer, really? And they were really enjoying it as well.

"Oh hi," Tawni smiled, turning to look at us, but to Grady we were practically invisible. Tawni and I exchanged glances and she actually looked impressed with Todd today, even though his bronze hair was messed up and he was wearing yet another band t-shirt with jeans. Tawni liked it when a man put effort into his style, but I didn't care. Todd made me laugh and he wasn't in love with himself.

"Tawni, Grady! Do you guys remember Todd?" I smiled, forcing Grady to turn round. I was only pulling him out of Jerry Springer, and he was acting like I was pulling him out of something important. "Todd, you remember Tawni and Grady?"

"You scrub up nice when you're not a personal assistant," Tawni remarked, after thoroughly examining him from head to toe.

"That's a compliment," I whispered to him, I still got chills when I got so close to him.

"Hi man," Grady waved, and Todd repeated it and waved. It was that simple between men; I really envied them for that. When girls met, we slowly judged each other while pretending to be polite and friendly.

"Tawni, I need to talk to you for a minute in our dressing room," I asked her. "Todd, go watch the fantastic TV Grady's watching."

"You don't like Jerry Springer?" Todd mockingly gasped. I kissed him quickly and we walked to our dressing room where I closed the door immediately.

"It's Valentine's Day tomorrow, right?" I asked her, trying to turn down the panic in my voice.

"Oh yeah," she replied, a smile on her face. "I'll need to tell the mailman about the thousands of cards I'll receive." I was amazed, how could she have so much confidence? I never received any cards and I still didn't think I'd receive any this year.

"Should I buy Todd something?" I asked her. I knew it sounded bad when I said it. For the past week I had been pondering over buying him something. We had only been together a month and it might look a tad worrying if I was buying him things already. Tawni looked at me like I had said something potentially life threatening.

"You've not got him anything!" She gasped, "Do you want to be alone in life?!"

"I just didn't want him to think I'm this crazy obsessive girl," I replied sadly, biting my lip nervously. "So I guess I should buy him something, huh?"

"No shit Sherlock!" Tawni replied sarcastically. It felt weird hearing her swearing, but I did it plenty of times around her when I was annoyed. "It won't look crazy or obsessive."

"It won't?"

"Tomorrow was practically made for you guys," she told me, shaking her head. "Sonny, I have to tell you; I am scared for you. If you don't know to get your boyfriend something on Valentine's Day then what happens when it's your monthly anniversary?"

"You're supposed to buy them something for every month you're together?" I gasped. We had went out for dinner on our one month anniversary, but I didn't buy him something. Tawni gasped and pointed her finger at me.

"You didn't buy him anything for the one month anniversary?" She scolded.

"We went out for dinner," I told her.

"Who paid?" She asked me, folding her arms, and looking at me in that serious way she never looked at me unless the matter was serious.

"He did," I replied, biting my lip.

"Okay that's not good," she sighed. "He was buying you dinner and you didn't think to reciprocate? Sonny, you need to buy him something otherwise he might not think you're that serious about him. What are the plans for tomorrow?"

"We're going to see The Academy Is," I told her. I was glad that we had actually made plans and no one had to awkwardly suggest to do something. Was I really a bad girlfriend? Todd hadn't said one thing and he seemed quite content with how things were going. He spent almost everyday at my place and I had visited his home when his parents in so we could make out. It was going better than I could have hoped for. If you asked me, I thought it was quite cryptic to be buying a gift for every month you're together. Do people not realise how much that costs? And it was basically saying; cherish it while you can, because it's not like you'll be receiving an engagement gift.

"Is that like a building or something?" Tawni looked confused.

"They're a band Tawni," I told her, but she still looked confused. I was about to humiliate myself by singing something to her, but I didn't think she would appreciate it.

"You need to give him your gift there," she instructed me. I knew I was complaining, but I had never been so grateful to be on Tawni's good side. "Now, I assume you know what to get him."

"You would think that, right?" I laughed, a little too hysterically to be taken seriously. Oh my God, I didn't know my boyfriend! I really was an awful girlfriend, and I could see that projected by Tawni's expression. I had no idea that she was such a role model; she never had a steady boyfriend. She was rumoured to be having a fling with Nico, something that hadn't been mentioned in a month. I am telling you, there were no sparks between them. In fact, she barely looked at him, and because I had stupidly promised Grady I wouldn't say anything, I couldn't confront her about it.

"We're going shopping," she immediately told me, flinging my cardigan on top of me and grabbing our purses.

"What about Todd?"

"Text him! We have to go now before you get dumped!" She hissed, grabbing my arm. It was nice to know that she had so much faith in me.

I wasn't a big fan of shopping. When I went shopping, it was simply to buy what I needed and be home within the hour. Sales didn't faze me and unlike Tawni, I didn't have fits over dresses that had been two hundred dollars more expensive just the week before. Unlike Tawni, I didn't scream when I saw a handbag that I wanted and unlike Tawni, I didn't have the faintest idea what to buy Todd. I texted him saying that we were shopping because what Tawni wanted Tawni got the same day. He said he was enjoying Jerry Springer anyway.

"So you have no idea?" She asked me, after we came out of another novelty shop. I was surprised when she bought something for a date I never knew she had. She told me that she liked to be prepared just in case, but it only fuelled the rumours of her and Nico. "What does he like?"

"He likes lots of stuff," I shrugged my shoulders.

"And that makes it difficult to buy something for him? My God, you do enjoy psychologically kicking yourself, don't you?" She shook her head.

"Let's go in here," I suggested, pointing to a small vintage store located in the corner of the street. I knew Tawni wanted to tell me to piss off open and loosen the purse strings, but it was the first suggestion I'd made to visit a store, so she had to oblige.

I liked these kinds of stores. You had no idea what you were going to buy and for all you knew, you could be buying a small piece of history. When we went in, everything was associated with celebrities living and dead. They had books that celebrities had read and written in. It was all so fascinating to me, but Tawni was standing there looking bored. She was bored until I pointed her in the direction of the Marilyn Monroe merchandise. She didn't really know who the woman was, but she was going for the same look.

After I led her there, that was when I saw it. It was hidden away with some other books and it didn't even stand out, but I noticed it. It was hardback, black and with gold writing. It was so heavy and just looking at it, I could tell it was years old. Todd would love it. It was everything he was about. Huh, I did know him a little bit then.

"You know that's the first copy of everything Hemingway ever wrote?" The old man at the desk told me when I handed it to him. It was a lot of money, but I didn't care.

"It's perfect," I smiled, pretty content, until I looked to the side of the man. What I saw next to him made my heart skip a beat. He was everywhere. Even when he wasn't even in the studios, Chad Dylan Cooper was everywhere I went. I hated it with a passion. "How much is that?"

"What? Jimmy Stewart's hat? That's one of my best," he told me, pointing to the price on it. The price poked at my gut and reminded me that it was a lot of money to be spending on an acquaintance. On the other hand, something in my head was pounding on it and telling me that it would be very stupid not to buy the hat. Damnit, I hated it when this happened.

"I'll take it."

****

"Are you excited?" Todd asked me as we drove to the concert destination. We hadn't wished each other a happy anniversary all day and I worried that maybe he had forgotten. Was the book in my bag going to be a painful sign that I was a crazy and obsessive girl.

"I've never saw them live before!" I gushed. Maybe this was my gift. The concert was really an awesome gift and that would be fine with me if it was the gift. I had turned my phone off to be with only Todd tonight. He looked gorgeous wearing his skinny jeans and a chequered shirt. His bronze hair still wasn't tidy, but I didn't care.

"They are so awesome," he told me, gushing just as much as I was. "They are such an underrated band, and that's a shame. I mean we are aware that the second album wasn't as great as the first, but I think that the third album is a return back to their pop/punk roots. I love it."

"Absolutely," I nodded. I liked the second album.

"Hey, will you pass me out a tissue from the glove compartment?" He asked me, when we parked the car. "My damn hay fever is playing up."

"I don't want to be kissing you then," I joked, opening it up. I gasped when I saw the backstage passes looking right at me. I held them up and looked at him; he looked a little nervous. I could tell because he was biting his lip and he had gone all red. My heart was humming and the butterflies were about to explode my stomach. I felt stupid, but I actually wanted to cry a little.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" He smiled nervously. I leaned over and kissed him. I held onto him tightly and smiled.

"I cannot believe you!" I hit him jokingly on the shoulder. I pulled out the present from my bag and handed it to him. Now it was my turn to bite my lip nervously and go the colour of a rose. I couldn't look at him as he opened the gift. I didn't even see his reaction.

"Sonny!" He said, pulling me close to him, and holding me close. "This is awesome! Where did you even find this? I don't think anyone's ever gotten me something I like so much!"

"I love your gift!" I insisted. I tried to pretend that I didn't feel just an inch knowing that I had bought something for Chad Dylan Cooper on the same day. "Todd, I just want you to know that this is a serious thing for me. I like you a lot."

"I know," he nodded, and there wasn't a hint of doubt in his tone. "Ditto."

We got to watch the show from the side of the stage. I remembered pushing myself to the front of gigs in Wisconsin, risking broken ribs and being trampled on, and I always envied the girls and guys standing at the side and able to have a conversation and dance with each other during a show. Seeing the band at such a close proximity does not ruin a thing, I assure you. Todd and I were able to dance and hug, and do other stuff, and we had a live soundtrack to do it. I didn't know how he had gotten the passes, but I didn't care. I was going to meet The Academy Is after the gig.

I turned on my phone to take some pictures and I was in the middle of taking a picture of the lead singer when I saw Tawni calling me. I didn't pick up at first, or the second time she called, or even the third time, but when she called a fourth time, I figured there was a problem. I told Todd I would only be one minute as I walked backstage.

"Hey Tawni, what's up?" I asked her pleasantly.

"Sonny I need to tell you something," she told me, and she sounded concerned. Oh my God, something bad had happened! Was it Nico? Was it Grady? Oh please don't tell me it was Zora?

"What's wrong?" I asked her desperately, wishing I had something to distract my hands with. I was pretty much ready to pull out my own hair. Yeah, I know, I was overreacting just a little bit without even knowing what was wrong.

"I'm not even supposed to be calling you," she hissed. "Which brings me to ask; why do you even have your phone on in the first place? This night is for you and Todd only and I thought I made that-"

"Tawni I love you to pieces, but what the hell's happened?" I demanded, trying not to sound too annoyed, but she had a habit of going on a rant about something else.

"It's Chad."


	9. A Farewell To Friendship

**(Extended) Author's Note: I know it's quite early to be posting chapter nine up now, but when a reader told me they were going away and would not get to find out till Monday, I thought maybe it would be unfair to keep this reader in such suspense. I know I keep thanking everyone, but I post chapters between 1am - 2am and I check the site the moment I get up and seeing all the praise is simply wonderful. I can't thank you enough (as you know by now). Now in the coming week things might change. Because I live in the UK and there's a bit of a time difference and college resumes next week, I can no longer afford to post chapters at 2am when I have a 6.30am start. So there's two options: 1. I post no later than eleven pm every night or; 2. I post at the usual hour once or twice a week (off college 3 days a week). I need your opinions in the reviews! And also, if you find yourself enjoying this story, then subscribe, favourite or even bookmark, just so the story gets to everyone, I don't want anyone missing out, because I love writing this so much! Keep reading and keep reviewing.  
PS, thank you for praising my writing style, it's something I've just gotten the knack of. Much love.**

"Tawni, what's happened to Chad?" I asked her, trying to be calm, but I felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest. What happened to him? Oh God, please don't tell me it was an accident! Please don't tell me he was dead. I could barely sleep and I felt myself become dizzy and light-headed. He had been driving too fast, hadn't he? No, a mirror had fallen on him while he was admiring himself. I knew his vanity was going to kill him.

"He was attacked tonight."

It was worse. I felt sick. I felt so sick I wanted to faint. Someone had beat him up, but why? Aww man I didn't think anyone hated him that much. I knew the guy was hard to live with and could be a real pain in the ass, but he didn't deserve to be attacked. All of these awful scenarios kept flashing across my mind and closing my eyes didn't help.

"When? Who was it? Where did it happen? Why did they do it?" I demanded, barely taking a breath. I was practically pulling my hair out now.

"It was maybe two hours ago and it was outside of his apartment," she told me calmly. How could she be calm? Her childhood sweetheart had been beaten up! "We don't know who did it, and neither does he, so I think someone's just been looking for a fight."

"Is he hurt?" I asked her, and I actually felt my voice breaking down into sobs. I had to stop that; I cried at the drop of a hat and it wasn't a good thing. After that I realised just how stupid my question sounded; he was attacked! Of course he was hurt!

"His face is bruised," she replied without much emotion. "This person really knew where to hurt him most."

"How is he? Has he said anything?" I asked her, and I was running out of questions to ask. What I was asking didn't seem sufficient enough. It was like I didn't care, but I was actually frozen waiting for every answer she gave me.

"Not really," she replied and it sounded like she was shrugging. "He's getting treated now in ER. I didn't ask him how he was or anything."

"You didn't ask the victim of an assault how he was?" I demanded, shaking my head like she was standing right beside me. The weird thing was that she didn't even seem disturbed by that.

"No! Sonny, he called me and asked me to come to his place, so I did. I saw that he was hurt and called a cab to the hospital-"

"A cab?! You didn't think to call an ambulance?!"

"He could walk! We didn't want the attention so we took a cab. I called up the rest of the Randoms and we're waiting to see how it turns out. He's being treated now," she explained to me. It still didn't sound like she'd done enough, but what would I have done? A part of me wanted to be the person who punched him in the face.

"I can't believe he allowed you to call up Nico, Grady and Zora," I chuckled. I could just imagine his rant in the waiting room when he saw them all there.

"If we came alone then people might think we were doing something before it happened," she reminded me, sighing. "He doesn't want anyone to know, so this is killing his pride. He didn't want me to call you."

"He didn't?"

"I wasn't going to, but I thought you might get mad tomorrow," she told me. I was surprised by how calm she was. I was unable to relax for a minute. I was about to pull a muscle they were so tense. Why didn't he want me to know? I thought we were past the awkwardness and into the friend stage? Was it just me? I hoped that it wasn't just me; I didn't want this to be a personal attack. "It's up to you what you wanna do, but I think he'll be out in an hour maybe. He's really not that bad."

"I don't know Tawni," I sighed desperately. I was at a gig with my boyfriend and he had obviously paid large amounts of money to get me backstage passes. It would be so rude for me to turn around and tell him to go to hell so I could see how the guy who had rejected me was doing after an assault I wanted to be responsible for. My decision was clear, but then why was I having such a hard time saying that to Tawni?

"Stay," she ordered me, and it sounded like she was talking through gritted teeth. "You have come way too far to go back now. The guy actually wants to spend the whole evening with you. Chad won't be in work tomorrow, but I'm sure that you can go over to his apartment."

"You're right," I decided. There really wasn't any reason why I had to go over to Chad's apartment immediately and see how he was. He wouldn't do the same thing for me if I was in an accident. "Thanks for telling me. I'll see you tomorrow."

"What was that?" Todd asked me when I returned to the stage. He put his arms around me, and when I felt his breath against my cheek, I didn't feel as guilty about abandoning Chad. Chad didn't like me, and Todd did; it was really an easy choice.

"Tawni was having a fashion meltdown," I lied. I didn't want to tell him in case he insisted I go over to Chad's, because he thought we were friends. I had decided a while ago that Todd didn't need to know a thing about the night Chad Dylan Cooper was drunk. It would create far too many problems and taking a clean break from Chad when he didn't know why would only tangle me up in a horrible web. "Have I missed much?"

"Nah, I'm sure I can get them to perform what you missed backstage," he chuckled, kissing me on the cheek. "You missed the stage diving though, and me flicking through my book."

"You read Hemingway during a gig?" I asked him, giggling.

"I was curious to see what I was in store for," he shrugged his shoulders, his warm hands stroking my waist. "That would be a very interesting song title."

"What? I Read Hemingway During A Gig?"

"Of course I would have to turn it into some complicated love song with such significance," he sniggered. He really loved it that he was smarter than me.

"Well duh," I joined in playfully. "Alternative music doesn't know the meaning of a simple song."

I wanted to be excited about meeting the band, and I certainly acted like I was excited, but I couldn't stop thinking about Chad. Was he okay? Why didn't he want me to know he was hurt? Was his face really that bad? Why couldn't I stop thinking about it? I shouldn't have felt guilty about not being there, yet there I was meeting the lead singer of one of my favourite bands and I couldn't even think straight. God knows what he said to me that day, because I wasn't listening. I think I nodded and tried to say something neutral and then I proceeded to answer any questions about my job. That part was hard, because I had to address the rivalry between So Random and Mackenzie Falls and that meant thinking of Chad. Chad who had been attacked and who was probably shitting his pants right about now.

I truly despised him for what he had done to me no matter how much I tried to move on, but I couldn't imagine not going over there. I had to make an effort with this. Chad didn't know that he had to make an effort, because he didn't know what he said. I had to stop making any excuse to avoid him otherwise it would become painfully obvious that something happened.

"Are you alright?" Todd asked me on the way back to Los Angeles. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I barely noticed we had left the gig.

"I'm fine," I insisted, edging closer to him and resting my head on his shoulder so that he didn't suspect anything. "Thanks again for tonight. For all of it."

"You seemed a little distracted there," he told me. He obviously had an idea that something was bugging me, but Chad obviously didn't want this to be huge news. So I couldn't tell Todd.

"Did I?" I laughed. Yeah, I had decided to play the blissfully unaware role. "I'm good. So, where are we going now? The night is still young."

"You did not just say that the night is young," Todd sneered, his chest heaving, making my head bounce a little. "Oh Grandma, I think it might be your bedtime."

"For that, I'm just going to talk like an oldie now," I teased, sitting up straight. "So stud, I was wondering, where are we going on this young and starry night?"

"I was actually going to take you home and meet my parents, Grandma, but I forgot that you probably already know them, considering you're about a hundred," he joked, but I wasn't laughing. We were going to meet his parents? I had never met a boy's parents before! Why hadn't he prepared me for it? I was so bad with first impressions, remember when I met Chad?

"Really? You want to introduce me to your parents?" I asked him seriously, forcing him to pull over for a second. I felt sick again, but it was a weird kind of sick. I also didn't know that one person could feel so many different kinds of sick until now.

"Yeah, why not?" He shrugged. How could he be so calm about it? Just thinking of introducing him to my Mom terrified the hell out of me, even though Mom would be lovely to him. I didn't say anything, I just smiled at him and nodded.

"Todd I need to go!" I suddenly cried out loud as we started driving. "Chad Dylan Cooper was attacked tonight and I need to go to his apartment and see how he is. We're friends, and I know that you want me to meet your parents, but I'm going to feel so bad if I don't-"

"Hey, relax," Todd said calmly, pulling over again and wrapping his arms around me. "I knew there was a reason why you were so uptight. Okay, just tell me where he lives and I'll drop you off."

"Thanks," I smiled, kissing him softly. He shrugged and told me that he would do the same thing. I felt even worse that he was okay about it. I wanted him to put up a fight and tell me I couldn't go. I was voluntarily leaving a guy who wanted to introduce me to his parents for a guy that didn't even want to tell me that he was hurt. I was a truly horrible person.

As soon as Todd dropped me off, I ran up the stairs until I got to Chad's door. I realise now that I should have knocked the door instead of bursting through it. As I was running down the hall, I saw Chad jump out with a kitchen knife. He had just been attacked and I was bursting through his door unannounced.

"What the hell are you doing?" He demanded. He had two black eyes and a cut lip, and one of his cheeks were purple and brown. Even though he didn't say a lot, I could tell that his cheek was swollen. His face did look bad. Tawni wasn't kidding when she said that this guy knew exactly where to hurt Chad the most.

Instead of answering him, I just ran towards him and wrapped my arms around him, trying not to hurt him too much. He was obviously taken aback, because it took him a few seconds to pat my shoulder in return. When I realised just how dangerously I was behaving, I immediately pulled back and we went into the living room where we sat on the sofa.

"Are you okay?" I asked him. After that he rested two ice packs on his eyes. I realised that I had asked a very stupid question.

"Really Sonny?" He asked me in that stupid sarcastic tone of his. "You're asking me if I'm okay? Do I look okay? I'm the hunchback of Notre Dame!"

"It's not so bad," I insisted, but my God it was bad. I couldn't tell if it was him I was talking to or if it really was the hunchback of Notre Dame. "You're not seriously hurt, are you?"

"I had to get my dislocated shoulder located again!" He snapped. "And did you happen to see my face? I will not be leaving the house for anyone!"

"I think you need to calm down," I told him softly, beginning to regret that I had come. I didn't want to be snapped at all night and he couldn't even see me. I considered making an excuse to leave early, yeah, that was what I would do.

"Calm down?" He gasped. "No offence if I'm a little edgy after someone burst through my door unannounced the same night as I was attacked."

"I didn't think!" I protested, I hated being talked to like a child. "I was worried about you!"

"Who even called you?" He demanded, ungrateful for the fact that I actually gave a damn about him and his pretty face. "I specifically asked for you not to be called, I already had the other circus freaks in there with me!"

"Hey! That's not fair!" I cried angrily, "At least Tawni came round! And she called me because she didn't want me to be surprised tomorrow! I have a right to know Chad!"

"No you don't," he insisted, pointing his finger past me, but I assumed he was trying to point it at me. "I don't want anyone to know, okay? I don't want anyone to know some stranger beat the shit out of me and I didn't fight back."

"I don't care about that," I insisted, because I didn't. The fact that Chad had clearly not won his fight against his attacker didn't make a difference to me. He was in pain and he was clearly hurting, so who cared if he couldn't fight back someone who surprised him? "I'm your friend and I wanted to see how you were."

"Stop calling me your friend!" He snapped impatiently. "We are not friends!"

"Chad, I-"

"Just go, will you? I can't even see you properly," he hissed, pointing towards the door. It was weird, he couldn't point to me, but he could easily point to the door.

"Screw you then!" I cried, stamping out, and slamming the door behind me.


	10. Can't Take My Eyes Off You

**Author's Note: The fact that I'm on the tenth chapter of this story is absolutely amazing. I know, I've posted three chapters in 24hrs. It proves that I have nothing better to do, doesn't it? Now I am toying with the idea of posting another chapter tomorrow afternoon for me (morning to all those in the states), because it's New Year's tomorrow and I know a lot of us (including me) will have plans. So if you would like to see chapter eleven posted tomorrow, let me know in reviews! It's cool with me, I've just finished writing chapter 16. Again all the support has been phenomenal and I want to thank you all. Keep reading and reviewing!**

I hadn't talked to Chad Dylan Cooper in a month and it had been fantastic. I had thrown darts at his face on a dartboard, deleted his number a few times on my phone before re-instating it just in case I needed him, managed to sustain a healthy relationship with Todd and able to relax more at work. Before, I would always be on edge with worrying about seeing him, but I didn't have that problem.

I couldn't believe a month had passed already. We were in march, with only a few weeks left to go until Tawni took us all to her island for a weekend in spring break. Everything was going swimmingly, you know, apart from the fact that I wanted to execute the star of Mackenzie Falls. He had completely overreacted about my selfless visit. I gave up a night with my boyfriend just to see him and he had yelled at me. He could go to hell. Todd sweetly decided that we should take our relationship slowly and said to me that there was no pressure to meet anyone's parents. I still hadn't met them and we were still going very steady.

Fine. I was bored.

There was no drama in my life; I was working and So Random was still proving to be a major success. I had the greatest friends and Lucy called me every single night telling me exactly what magazines were saying about me. Tawni and I were getting on so well that we could hug without anything being awkward. And the thing that should have made me happiest? I had a boyfriend. I was smitten and it was all going so well that I found myself picking arguments with him sometimes, just to have a fight. For example, he didn't phone me one night because his Mom grounded him and took away his phone. I turned that into an argument that he didn't like me and he was politely telling me to go away. It reminded me way too much of something I'd watched on Sex and the City.

I should have been grateful. I was healthy, employed, a friend and someone's girlfriend. I didn't have to worry about Chad Dylan Cooper and even Tawni's alleged romance with someone we apparently knew had quietened down. I swear, Nico and Tawni were not doing anything. One night, I spent hours analysing whether I had noticed anything between them and I hadn't. Tawni hadn't told me anything, because it was a mistake two co-workers had made because it was New Year's.

"I'm so bored," I told Zora one day while we were sitting in the Prop House. I probably shouldn't have, because she was eleven and she shouldn't be told that in the height of your teens, life can be so boring.

"Tell me about it," she replied, and that disturbed me more, because I don't remember ever being bored when I was eleven. "No one has any decent things to say anymore. I was crawling through the vents the other day and I got nothing."

"Okay," I replied, smiling awkwardly. I had forgotten that she was a bit of a stalker. Nico then came in with a sandwich and a football, playing with his new hat. That reminded me! I still had that stupid hat that belonged to James Stewart. I was going to keep it forever and Chad could just suck on that.

"It's like dawn of the dead in here," he remarked, flopping down next to us.

"We're bored," I sighed, sitting all the way back and staring at the ceiling. "I know, why don't we name some ridiculous scenarios that should never happen ever."

"I have said it once and I will say it again," Nico began. "You are one strange girl Sonny, but I'll bite, give me an example."

"Would you guys ever date someone on So Random?" I asked. Fine, I might have been looking for a little bit of drama. I watched Nico carefully, without making Zora suspicious, and I have to say, he didn't even twitch a little bit. He was either a better actor than anyone I'd ever watched on screen, or he really had nothing to do with Tawni Hart.

"Nope," he replied, and he sounded sure. "No offence, but I've heard these working romances can be very difficult. Just look at you and Chad Dylan Cooper."

"What about me and Chad Dylan Cooper?" I asked, my heart beating rapidly. I hadn't felt the same nerves in a long time. Did he know something? Oh my God, Tawni had talked! Had Tawni told them that Chad and I had a thing that one night he was drunk? That was all I could think of, there was nothing else that had happened.

"The sexual tension actually kills us," Zora said, before he could, and we both looked at her with surprise. "What? I'm eleven, not stupid!"

"What sexual tension?" I asked her, laughing a little too hysterically. Why did I feel like I had been down this road before? "There is no sexual tension."

"Please, you ooze of it whenever he's here," she said, patting my arm. "I'll tell you why you're bored Monroe; you had a fight with Cooper and he's not here to give you that fire in your belly."

"I was just going to say that your arguments give me a headache, but Zora's onto something," Nico insisted, cowering away when I glared at him.

"I have a boyfriend, I don't need that fire in my belly," I insisted, trying to look convinced, but why the hell was she right? Why did I enjoy having a good fight with Chad Dylan Cooper? I didn't want him for anything but a fight right now.

"But you get along with him," Zora insisted, "Have you had a fight with Todd yet?"

"No, but we're still in the honeymoon stage," I protested. I heard that lasted up to a year. Wow, a year of bliss with my boyfriend, I should have been thrilled. Oh my God I was a masochist. I hated being comfortable. I hated it more than anything. I was seventeen; I should have been going through hormonal stuff and teenage drama every single day.

"It's natural, you just enjoy having an argument," Zora assured me, but I didn't feel too great about accepting advice from a ten year old. "You like passion and fireworks."

"That's great, that would suit me so well," I was glad when I heard Tawni's voice from outside. She talked very loud whenever she was on the phone. It was like she wanted people to hear her conversations. "Yes Chad, that would be great."

That was it, we all shut up immediately. Tawni Hart was fraternising with her ex and the arch nemesis of So Random.

"We can't do it in my dressing room because I share with Sonny…she's fine…anyway we just need a place to hang out for a little while and since you're taking advantage of your shiner and taking a couple of months off, I was thinking…yes, I do know it won't come cheap…you can come to my island during spring break…yes I do have an island…I will pay…so we're agreed? Great."

What were they agreed on? I was dying to know. Oh, it was the first piece of gossip I'd heard for a whole month, I was entitled to be a little desperate. I exchanged glances with Zora and Nico, and they looked just as clueless as me. We sat and pondered in silence for a minute, and then it became very obvious that Tawni was seeing someone. I had to give her some credit. She wasn't exactly a ditz when it came to getting what she wanted.

"What are you all quiet for?" Tawni asked when she stepped into the room.

"Nothing," I insisted. Tawni then cleared out the room and wanted me left in it. It had been a while since we'd had a talk, because everything was going so well. I had even bought Todd a two month anniversary gift, even though I really disagreed with the whole thing. I didn't know why I didn't want to buy him gifts, but when I was shopping, something inside me told me that it was wrong.

"Have you talked to Chad?" She asked me.

"Nope. Not for a whole month."

"Wow, I have got to give you credit for your willpower," she smiled to me. I wanted her to tell me that he had asked how I was. I wanted to know what he was saying about me, but she couldn't say anything about it obviously. I couldn't say anything about it either. "Sonny I'm seeing someone."

"I knew it!" I gasped. I had been waiting for this valuable piece of information since New Year and there it was handed to me on a plate. Tawni sat there looking ashamed and strained, and I had to try and hide the triumph from my face. "How long?"

"It's been a while now," she confessed. Oh no, she was being mysterious about how long it had been going on? It must have been a while, and that phone call obviously had a lot to do with this mystery beau. "It's getting really serious and I am terrified."

"And there I was thinking life had just gotten duller," I replied. It scared me how everything had changed in a matter of minutes. "Who is he?"

"I'm not telling anyone," she said, and she sounded decided. I could have sworn I saw a smile on her face; she must have been thinking of him. "I like him a lot. Sonny, I think I might actually be falling for him, because yesterday I walked around in sweats! I do not do sweats! And I think I'm even starting to like him a little more than myself! It is-"

"So sweet!" I gushed. "You're falling in love with him!"

"Is that what it is?" She asked me, looking disgusted. "Because it is becoming ridiculous! You know I spent a whole weekend with him there and I wanted to see him again! I didn't even put my make-up on for one whole day and he didn't even care! He said he loves me inside and out!"

"Aww Tawni you're in love!" I cooed. It was probably the most romantic thing I'd heard of in a long time. The spoilt selfish princess had actually fallen for someone. Okay, take away the 'spoilt' part. The girl I thought couldn't love anyone more than herself was actually in love with someone else.

"Is this what it feels like?" She asked me. "Sometimes I can't eat or sleep! It's horrible!"

"It's like the time you started caring for me!" I smiled, putting my arm around her. I was surprised to find that she was actually trembling. "Tawni, why is it a bad thing?"

"Because I am terrified," she confessed to me in a low voice. "With everyone else I was so sure that it was going to go up in flames so I didn't have to worry about any attachment, but with this guy, I don't want to think of breaking up with him. It sucks too, because I never even looked at him before."

"You'll be fine," I assured her. "You're Tawni Hart and he says he loves you inside and out. Not a lot of guys say that if they're not serious."

"I don't know how you do it with Todd, the constant insecurity of it scares me to death," she said, shaking her head, and then she smiled at me. "Thanks. I needed to tell someone."

"So when can I meet the guy who's stolen your heart?" I asked just as she was about to walk out of the Prop House.

"Who knows? You might have already met him," she winked, before walking away. Damnit, never in my life did I think Tawni could master mystery and subtlety, and she had learned it just when I wanted to know something crucial about her.

I was trying to work out who this guy could be on the way home. He could really be anyone, because the So Random cast had been fortunate enough to have met a lot of people. Tawni had charmed a lot of people since I'd met her, so I really had no clue about this guy. Was he famous? Or was he an extra I'd met? No, he couldn't be normal, could he? She did say that she hadn't noticed him before, so it was plausible.

As I tried to become Sherlock Holmes, I became increasingly aware of a man behind me. I could hear him walking closely behind me, you know, when you can just sense it without having to look behind you. I didn't like having anyone directly behind me in case I fell and they saw me fall and they laughed and I died of humiliation, so I walked a little slower so that the guy could walk past me and I wouldn't be embarrassed if I fell. He didn't move past me.

I felt him walk just as slowly as me, so I started speeding up again. It had to be a joke; someone obviously wanted to play some kind of prank on me. I stole a glance of the stranger behind me and I felt chills go through me when I saw that it was that guy I'd seen a couple of times; once outside my apartment and once standing just outside my work. Oh God was he a stalker? Was I encountering my first stalker? I had never had a stalker yet and I wasn't sure if I wanted them. They sounded like mean people, especially when you heard the stories of when they kept hair from your brush and stuff.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't think it was a smart idea to run because the guy might have realised that I was aware of what he was doing and chase me, but my walking at a normal pace was I setting myself up for something? I walked a little faster than I normally did and prayed that I would hurry up and be home already. My heart was beating out of my chest and I had to beg myself not to cry. I had to beg myself to try and remain as calm as possible. He still remained behind me, walking just a few steps away. I hated the fact that the street was practically empty. Why hadn't I let Tawni give me a ride home instead of insist on walking so I could phone Todd? He wasn't even picking up his phone so I was basically setting up my own stalker!

When I got inside my apartment block, I didn't hear him behind me, so I ran upstairs and unlocked my door quickly. I threw myself in and locked the door immediately. I tried to remain calm, but I could feel my eyes watering and my hands shaking. I turned on every light in sight and immediately headed towards my window. He couldn't see me, but he was just standing outside the building and smoking a cigarette.

I quickly took out my cell and frantically made a call.

"Hi. I know we've been fighting and you haven't been outside for a couple of weeks since your accident, but I really need you to come over right now!"


	11. I Need You Now

**Author's Note: Okay so here is chapter eleven for you all just because it's New Year's Eve and I guess this is my gift to you. I also want you to know that the fourth last chapter is being written right now. Please enjoy and keep reading and reviewing!**

I tried to watch TV as I waited for him, but I could barely concentrate. When I heard the sound of my doorbell, I quickly grabbed the baseball bat my Mom had left in case something bad did happen. My hands were shaking and I kept on making this weird squeaking sound as I walked towards the door. I hadn't checked the window since I saw the guy standing out there, because he told me not to draw any attention to myself or make the guy think I knew what he was doing.

"Who is it?" I asked meekly, holding the baseball bat firmly in my hands.

"It's Chad," he replied, and I bravely unlocked the door. The baseball bat was ready to hit anyone impersonating Chad Dylan Cooper, but it was him. Even though he was wearing pretentiously large sunglasses, his shiny golden hair gave him away. I put down the baseball bat and sighed in relief.

"I'm sorry, but you were the first person that came to mind," I told him. "Because you have an idea of what it's like-"

"It's fine," he protested, taking off his sunglasses. He still didn't look how he used to. His eyes were still a little bit purple, and his cheek was still a little red. "Are you okay? Has he said anything to you?"

"I've saw him three times and all he's ever said to me is; 'wrong apartment'," I told him. "Is he out there?"

"I didn't see anyone," he told me. He looked so serious and concerned for me. Was it weird that I already felt safer even though he hadn't suggested any solution to my problem. We walked into the living room and sat down. I still couldn't stop trembling. Chad was in my apartment and there was a weird guy who liked to follow me. Why did I complain about my life being boring? I would pay anything to go back to being bored

"What should we do?" I asked him, but the reply was fairly obvious.

"We need to call the cops if you think the guy is dangerous," Chad insisted, looking at me as if I was nuts. "You must be freaked out, because you called me of all people, before you called your boyfriend."

He was right. I didn't even think to call Todd, I automatically dialled Chad's number without realising it until we were already speaking. Shouldn't I have been that way with Todd? No, I thought, I called Chad because he's been the victim of an attack and therefore has an idea what to do. That was it.

"Don't think I called you for any reason other than you've been through this," I warned him, but it was difficult to stay mad at him when he had rushed over to my home just a minute after I called him. "Can we wait a while to call the cops? I want to write down everything."

"Good idea," he nodded. And then there was silence.

I hated when there was silence between Chad and I. It was worse when it was with him, because we always had something to say to each other, and even now I knew that there were things that needed to be said. He looked strained as he played with his cell and I must have looked anxious too. There was so much I wanted to say to him. I knew that I had moved on and I was happy with Todd, but I had a right to know why he had said those things when he was drunk. I knew that he must have been lying, or maybe even exaggerating. Why couldn't he remember? It was such a mess now. Why had I been in that Prop House at two am in the first place? If I had just stayed home then nothing would have happened and I wouldn't continually feel crap and upset around Chad Dylan Cooper. Curiosity had killed whatever it was that we had before. I didn't want to ask him about what he had said that night ever in my life, but I had to know, even if it hurt me. Even if he said it just because he was drunk, or he didn't actually love me he just thought I was hot, I had to know.

Chad I-"

"Sorry," he said at the same time as me, sounded like he had been prodded to say it. "I'm sorry for telling you to piss off when I was hurt. I know you were only being nice, but you have to understand that I was a victim and my face was destroyed."

"Some people wouldn't take that apology, but I'm just going to take it," I nodded. It was the closest Chad was going to ever get to an apology and I would be a fool to expect anything more. It was still a shock though; he apologized first! He had never ever apologized to me and actually meant it, I don't think. Okay, there may have been one time or even two times, but I couldn't even remember them. "Your face looks a little better than it did."

"I'm going back to work next week," he told me. His facial expressions still looked weird, because obviously there had been some long time damage on his cheek. "Daytime TV sucks, did you know that?"

"I think it's a universal rule," I nodded. And then there was silence again. What was wrong with us? I hated it. I just wanted to be friends again. Were we even friends? Whatever, I just wanted to be the way we were. "You think we'll ever talk again?"

"I wish I knew what we were fighting about," he replied. "Was it the time I was drunk? Did I really piss you off that night?" I didn't know what to say. He didn't piss me off that night, he pissed me off the next morning when he just disappeared. I could have my answers tonight if I was brave enough. I looked at had sitting there, and I swear, even though his eyes were dark with shadows under them, I could see through them for the first time in a very long time. Did he know something? He had never confirmed what he did remember that night, and there was a lot of pointless crap that could be more memorable than what we said to each other. Did he remember what I said?

"Nah, it's fine, because I can blackmail you now," I winked teasingly. I wasn't ready to have my questions answered tonight.

"Really Sonny, really?" He asked me, but he didn't say it in that dry manner. He said it like he was trying to hide the fact that it was a serious question. He looked at me so deeply, and he edged closer to me. Our eyes were locked together and I couldn't see past them. I didn't even want to see past them. I could only hear my own obnoxiously loud breathing and I could only feel myself shaking all over and a strange sensation in my gut. He wasn't saying anything either. We leaned closer to each other. I can't explain it, it was like someone was pushing me, but I was fine with it. I was pushed until our lips were only moments away from each other. I couldn't even think straight. I just wanted to kiss-

"Holy crap!" I gasped, when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. Chad jumped, and immediately sat as far away as he could from me. I pulled out my phone and saw that it was Todd calling me. I was relieved that he had stopped me from doing the thing I definitely shouldn't have been doing with Chad Dylan Cooper. Yeah, relieved was the word I was looking for.

"Hey," I answered, trying to sound calm, but I could barely catch my breath.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm not too good actually. Todd, someone's been following me and I think it's time for me to call the cops. The guy followed me home tonight and-"

"I'm coming over," he sounded urgent.

"Okay," I replied, and then I looked at Chad. "Chad's here by the way. I thought I should call him because he's been through this kind of thing, you know?" Why did I even tell him?

"You called him first?" Todd asked, and he actually sounded annoyed. I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to worry about that, because something worse had almost happened. Something that definitely didn't mean a thing to me, by the way.

"Yeah, so?" I shrugged my shoulders, trying to sound casual. Great, why had I said it? I could have pretended that I called Chad afterwards and he only arrived before Todd because he lived closer, but no; I had to be so damn difficult.

"I'll be there soon." He hung up after that.

"Is your boyfriend mad?" Chad asked, a smirk on his face. "Because I could take him, you know? I've been mastering the art of many fighting skills. Chad Dylan Cooper will not be outsmarted again."

"You've never met him," I reminded him, but it didn't remove the smug smile from his face. "Hey, I'm the one being stalked here, I'd rather we all focused our attention on that when Todd comes over. It's not like you're a threat or anything."

"I'm just saying," he insisted. Why hadn't he addressed the last part of what I said?

I was going to ask him, but then I heard a knock on my door. It made me jump with fright and I realised that Todd could never be that fast. I looked at Chad, who obviously thought the same thing. We tiptoed out into the hall. I couldn't breathe in case he heard me. Could he hear my heartbeat though? Because it was blocking out every thought I had.

"Are you expecting anyone else?" Chad hissed in my ear, and I shook my head gravely. Chad handed me the baseball bat, and motioned for me to stand behind him. That was fine with me. He slowly made his way towards the door, and I swear, I saw him shaking. I could barely keep the bat in my hands, they were shaking so much. Why did this have to happen to me? I could have easily lived my life not knowing this guy even existed. Didn't he know how to stalk people nowadays? You didn't have to let them know you even existed for a long time. I could have taken classes on how to handle a stalker if he knew that!

"Who is it?" Chad asked calmly. I hoped that it was Todd, Tawni…hell it could be anyone else in the world, as long as it was not that guy…or anyone as crazy as that guy. A chill went down my spine when there was no reply. Chad looked at me, and nodded for me to hold the bat up. He was going to answer the door. The lump in my throat increased when I saw him removing the lock. I could barely keep my eyes open as he opened the door.

"IT'S HIM!" I gasped when the door was wide open, but I couldn't move. There he was looking a total mess, but he didn't look lost, that was the worrying thing. He looked like he had found exactly where he wanted to be, and I was terrified.

"Okay pal, what the hell do you want?" Chad asked him, and he actually sounded very intimidating. I knew some guys that would have lost their shit faced with the reality of my situation, but he didn't. "As you can see, I have bruises on my face, well that was because I was in a fight. Trust me, the other guy is a lot worse off than me, but back to the point, so unless you can give me a good reason for following my friend here, I will seriously mess you up."

"Are you kidding me? You're a baby!" The man sneered, shaking his head. His voice sounded rough, like he had been out all night. Why did Chad have to talk fight talk? It didn't sound convincing coming from anyone, especially when you used it in a real situation.

"I'll call the cops then," he shrugged. That was better. Again the man didn't look fazed at all, and I could even tell that Chad was starting to become a little concerned. We exchanged glanced, and although he would never show it on the surface, he looked terrified. "What the hell do you want? She'll even sign her underwear if that's what you sick freaks get off on."

"Chad!" I snapped. I didn't want to entice the guy.

"Son, that won't be necessary," the man insisted in a very calm manner. He didn't sound like what I imagined a stalker to be, although I'd imagined the stalker killing me before talking to me.

"Hey! I am not your son!" Chad snapped, and it was weird. He sounded angrier about that than he had been about anything else. "What the hell do you want with her?"

"Sounds like someone has some Daddy issues," the man smirked, and Chad just stayed silent. I remembered being told that Chad's parents had never shown great affection towards him. I couldn't believe I was thinking about Chad in the midst of all of this. "Funny, I'm actually here about that."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I managed to ask, but I sounded like I hadn't spoken in a hundred years.

"Sonny, it's me. It's Dad."


	12. Confessions

**Author's Note: Happy New Year! Yeah, I'm going to post chapter twelve, just because you're all so amazing and it's only after 3am here. I hope everyone has a good night and a good year. Keep reading and reviewing!**

I felt like I had been shot. I looked up at the man and tried to see why on earth he would say that to me. Did he look like me? Why would he say something like that if he was lying? He didn't have my dark hair, he didn't have my eyes, he didn't have my nose and he didn't have my mouth. He had to be lying. Stalkers lied about stuff like this. I knew that.

"You're my what now?" I gasped, Chad completely frozen between us. I couldn't believe that despite the strange man's even stranger confession, I felt bad for poor Chad being caught up in the middle in every sense of the word. "You need to get out now or I am calling the cops!"

"You don't believe me, Alison?" He asked me, like that was meant to convince me, but there was something about the way he said it that made me squirm. I still couldn't move and I was ready to strike him so hard with the baseball bat. How dare he lie about something like that? My Father abandoned me and any internet biography of me would tell him that.

"Everyone knows that's my name," I said, trying to remain as calm as I could. Why hadn't I fallen apart yet? "Get out of my apartment now!"

"Fine, you want proof?" He asked me, and he looked so smug. I was still shaking, and there was something about the look on his eyes that kept me standing there.

"Dude, you need help!" Chad finally snapped, and I was grateful for his interference and grateful when he stood next to me and helped me stand up straight. I could feel his breathing and it was just as heavy as mine. "Get out now!"

"Your name is Alison Bernadette Munroe, but your Mother won't acknowledge that middle name because she is not a Roman Catholic like I am. I wanted to call you Bernadette after my late Mother, but we compromised that your middle name could be Bernadette. Of course that all changed when I left home when you were five years old. Oh and you want to know where I met your Mother, right? We met at a bar called Nutty's in Chicago, because your Mom is not from Wisconsin originally. You moved there because I was in Chicago and I had a heroin problem."

I thought I was going to faint. Chad had to hold the bulk of my weight as I nearly fell over. I was positive that no one person on the internet could know that much about me. I looked back and tried to remember his face from when I was a kid, but I couldn't see clearly. I was so young when he left, and she told me that she didn't keep one photo of him. She also told me that he had a heroin problem. I looked up at him, and suddenly he didn't seem all that unfamiliar to me. My heart was about to leap out of my chest and I could barely speak.

"You need to go!" I said meekly, finding my voice. I sounded like a toddler. "YOU NEED TO GO!"

"I know you're shocked-"

"Is it because I'm famous?" I demanded, not able to understand where the hell this voice was coming from. "Is that why you're here?"

"Of course it isn't!" He protested. That was another thing, when he yelled, he didn't sound like a stranger to me. I could barely look at him and my brain refused to absorb the information. I didn't want him to be my Father. I had imagined my Father as so many things, but not this guy. He looked so normal; my Father was supposed to be a good guy. He was supposed to have left us for a good reason, and that was what I had been telling myself for year.

"You never looked for me!" I cried, clenching my fists. "Get out of my apartment!"

"I need to talk to you kiddo, just for an hour!" He pleaded, and he sounded desperate. "I don't need any money, I don't need anything other than to talk to you."

"Go!" I screamed, trying not to cry. He didn't deserve to see me cry and I hadn't ever cried about him, so I wasn't about to change that now. I had stepped away from Chad and I was standing directly across him glaring at him with so much hatred. If you had just tuned into the scene, it might have looked like I was possessed by something.

"Please, you have to let me explain!" He snapped at me desperately. Yeah, that was the way to get your daughter talking, yelling at her after saying nothing for twelve years.

"She said get out!" had piped in, sounding furious. "I suggest you go now or I will call the cops! Do you understand me?"

The man looked at Chad like he was surprised the boy could even talk. I was surprised too, I'd heard Chad angry, but not angry like that. They glared at each other for a minute or so, before I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

"Please call me," the man begged me, putting what I assumed to be a note with his phone number on the table next to the door. Chad ensured that the man didn't even get to look at me, because he blocked the doorway so protectively. I didn't look at him again, I looked at the wall instead, because I was about to burst into tears. I didn't want to cry.

"Wow," Chad hissed under his breath after the man was gone. We both stood there in silence; if I thought that we could even dream of returning to normal then that was shot to hell. Chad had just seen my biggest anguish being played out in front of him like a Broadway show. I was so ashamed, even though I had no need to be. Why couldn't that have happened in private? In fact, why did it have to happen at all?

"Chad?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask for something really inappropriate right now?"

"Sure."

"Can I have a hug?"

Chad smiled a little, and wrapped his arms around me. I felt like I hadn't been hugged in a very long time. I felt his arms grip around me tightly and I held onto him just as tight, burying my head into his chest and basking in the nice smell coming from him. It stopped me from crying, and it was such a comfort. I had to clutch him pretty tightly to stop myself from bursting into tears. As he stroked my hair, I was able to calm down, and the rhythm of his breathing slowed down my own. I had never felt so comforted.

"Sonny! Is everything okay?" All the calmness I'd managed to sustain was lost when I heard Todd's frantic voice. "I just saw some guy run past me downstairs and I think it's him."

"I'm fine," I insisted, and I felt like I wasn't just telling it to Todd, because I looked at Chad and nodded that it was okay for him to let me go now. Yeah, that was the word I was looking for, okay. "Chad, I need you to go call my Mom. I need her to come over here, you need to tell her what's happened."

"Sure," he nodded, marching away into the living room, leaving me with Todd, who was able to show his irritation publicly now that Chad was away. "The man is my Father."

"What?" He gasped, and I nodded my head.

"At least I think he is," I told him. He deserved to know all the facts; it wasn't his fault that he wasn't there. "I'm not sure because my Mom doesn't have any pictures, but the things he said - I don't want to talk about it now, okay? I need to see my Mom."

"I just wish I had been there," he sighed, and there was an element in his voice like he was trying to make me feel guilty for not calling him. I have to admit, Chad's anger and courage throughout the whole thing amazed me and it made me realise why I didn't want to cut him off, but Todd's anger didn't do a thing for me. Maybe it was because he wasn't there, but it really wasn't doing anything if he was trying to prove his loyalty to me.

"Chad's been-"

"Chad's been through it, I know," he replied, sounding annoyed. He really didn't have any right to be annoyed with me after what I had just been through. I had just met the man I strongly suspected to be my Father. "I don't get it Sonny. I really don't get it."

"I don't get it either, why would you show up to your daughter's place twelve years later? I bet he wants some money from me," I replied through gritted teeth. I hated to think that the man who helped create me would be capable of treating me like that.

"No, I don't get why you called him," he replied. Really? He was going there? He was calling me out about Chad after what happened? "You don't see it, but it's a really big deal."

"It's really not," I insisted desperately. I couldn't believe I had to defend myself tonight of all nights. Why couldn't I be left alone for just one night? Why did Chad Dylan Cooper have to play such a huge role in my life every single day? God I really missed the days when he was throwing me out of birthday parties. This was all too grown up for me.

"I'll call you later," he told me flatly.

"You won't even stay the night?" I asked with shock.

"I'm sure Chad will."

Chad did stay the night. My Mom had told him that she was leaving for a flight immediately. We both agreed that I couldn't be left alone. I fell asleep amazingly quickly. Chad decided that it would be best for me to get some sleep immediately. I didn't remember much, I must have fell asleep the moment I hit the pillow. I remembered that I didn't want to be left alone in my room, so Chad slept on top of the bed with a blanket over himself.

I woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare and I looked around me. Chad was still sleeping there; I dreamt that he had sneaked out in the middle of the night and my Dad killed him before coming back for me. Seeing Chad lying there made me so relieved, and he actually looked quite cute when he was sleeping, and when he wasn't drunk. How could someone like him be so complicated? Because that was the thing keeping us apart; him.

We were woken up by a knock on the door.

"Stay here," Chad hissed, grabbing the baseball bat standing at the side of the bed. He immediately bolted for the door and unlocked it slowly. The creak of the door didn't do much for my nerves in the morning. "Hi there Miss Monroe, yeah, um, I'm sure you understand the whole bat thing. I'm going to go."

"Mom!" I gasped, stepping out of bed. When I saw her in the hallway, I hugged her tightly, finally able to have a little sob over what had happened. She held me tightly and kissed my cheek, wiping my tears away. It was going to be a long day.

I made us some coffee and we sat on the sofa in the living room, the TV on in the background to provide some noise. I hated the silence.

"That son of a bitch," she shook her head, after I explained the whole thing. She looked so angry, the way I had looked at him the night before. "I can't believe he came back." She showed me the only picture she had of him, and the man who had visited me the night before was definitely him. She told me that she didn't want me to see what he looked like in case I wanted to find him, so she hid all the pictures.

"I don't know why he's back," I sighed. "I don't want to think that he's using me now that I've made a name for myself. I need to know what you think though."

"Sonny, I got with a heroin addicted man and thought he could raise a child," she told me, looking ashamed with herself. "I don't think I'm in the position to give advice to anybody. It's my fault you're in this mess in the first place."

"Don't say that," I insisted, putting my arms around her. Mom never talked about this, and I was always so used to her being a strong individual. She didn't need anyone in her life. She was capable of doing everything and she always said the right things. She never ever doubted herself for one minute and I didn't like it now that she was. "I need your help."

"I thought he was a good guy Sonny," she said to me, talking to me like a teenager. "He liked music and he loved kids. I didn't find out about the heroin problem until I was due to have you and he promised me he would give it up, and he did, for two whole years."

"Why did you stay for three years after that?" I asked her.

"I wanted you to have a family and he kept saying that he was going to get help," she told me. "And I was still in love with him, and it was unconditional. When it was good - when he was trying to go clean - it was so good, and then when it was bad…" she trailed off, covering her face with her hands.

"Mom, come on, I need to know," I pleaded with her calmly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I couldn't afford to fall apart now. My Mother was already falling apart and she needed me to be strong and that was the person I was.

"He didn't hit me," she insisted, and she still sounded like she was defending him. "He didn't ever hurt us. All he ever did was hurt himself. I caught him cutting one day and he said that it distracted him from the heroin. We didn't have the money for rehab so he couldn't get clean so easily. He was clean for two years, and then for the three years before he left, he was on it, off it, on it…I lost count of how many times he went clean and then relapsed. He had to leave Sonny. He was hurting me too much, and I didn't want you growing up in a home surrounded by drugs. I just wish he had told me."

"I thought that it was my fault," I confessed, tears in my eyes.

"No, you didn't stick the needle in him," she protested, wrapping her arms around me. "He loved you so much, but I just don't think he could take it anymore. I hate him for leaving us, but I hate him more for coming back. You were fine Sonny, you were doing just fine."

I didn't want to tell her that I had been anything but fine these past few months.

"I don't know what to do," I told her desperately. "I don't know if I want to talk to him again. I don't know why he wants to see me. I don't know him Mom."

"I can't tell you what to do," she shrugged her shoulders, wiping her eyes. "I don't know the man anymore, but I don't want to see him. You're at that age where I can't tell you what to do anymore."

"What do you think I should do?" I asked her. I really needed her to doubt my independence right about now. I couldn't be trusted to make this decision on my own. How did I know if the guy was clean? How did I know that he wasn't using me. I asked my Mom all of these questions.

"I guess you'd have to find out, wouldn't you?" She replied. She sounded so weak, like someone had beaten her in the gut. I couldn't tell that she was my Mom, but I could tell that my Dad had left her broken hearted and she was ashamed to say that she still loved him. "I wish I could help you Sonny, but I don't know him anymore."

"I'm really scared," I whispered.

"It's the things we're afraid to do that matter the most," she whispered to me. "I'm not condoning your Father, but some people want things so badly and they find it so difficult to go get them, because they're scared that they'll ruin everything."

"He left his number," I told her. "I don't know what to do, do you think I could phone him? Maybe I - I don't know! I don't want to do it on my own!"

"But it's something you have to do sweetie," she told me, and I knew that she was right. "I don't want you to get caught in the middle of the feelings I have towards him, or the feelings he has towards me."

"Great," I sighed, sitting all the way back. "This is just icing on the cake of an awful year so far."

"What do you mean?" She asked me, looking concerned. "Hun, is there something you want to tell me?"

"I wasn't going to," I confessed, my voice trembling. My eyes were watering, but I couldn't wipe the tears away. I wanted to cry. "Mom, I don't like being grown up."

"No one ever does," she replied, "You want to tell me about it? I was seventeen once."

"You know Chad?" I began, and she nodded her head. I then proceeded to tell her everything. I told her everything from when Chad got drunk and told me everything, to Chad running over to my apartment within five minutes of my phone call to him the night before. I told her about Todd, about Tawni and I told her everything about how I felt.

"Wow, that's a lot to be keeping to yourself," she told me, shaking her head. "And I guess you want to know my take on the whole thing?"

"I need you to be honest and brutal," I insisted. I needed her to tell me the truth, even if the truth hurt the most.

"You are definitely not that into Todd," she told me, looking at me awkwardly. And you know what? I wasn't even surprised when she said it. It wasn't fun hearing it out loud, because my gut ached with guilt, but I knew that it wasn't a lie. "I know you want to be into him and do the right thing here, but you're only in love with one person."

"And I guess you know who that person is?" I asked her.

"Honey, we both know that you are head over heels in love with Chad Dylan Cooper," she replied, and she even had a small smile on her face. Why on earth was she smiling? Being in love with Chad wasn't something to smile about, it was a death sentence. I would never get what I want.

"But I don't want to be in love with him," I protested, feeling a lump in my throat again. "He doesn't want me, I've told you that."

"I know you don't want to be in love with him," she nodded. "You're doing everything you can not to be in love with him, but you can't cut him off, can you? Can you imagine life without the guy?"

"I just want things to go back to normal," I snapped impatiently. "He doesn't want me and I have to live with that. Sometimes he does things that make me think he wants me, but then he takes a huge step back and I hate it. I can't do it anymore, because I do love him, but he doesn't even remember being in love with me. I don't want to live my life waiting for him."

"You need to tell him," she told me. I was guessing that this was the scary thing I had to do. "I know you don't want to, but you'll spend your whole life wondering what would have happened if you had told him. You need him to tell you sober that he doesn't want you."

"And I need to end things with Todd, right?" I asked. That one didn't seem as mind numbingly painful as the other two things were going to be.

"Definitely," she sighed. "So, how does it feel to finally be independent?"

"You think your womb's big enough for me to go back in?" I asked sarcastically.

The next few weeks were going to be hard.


	13. Crush Crush Crush

**Author's Note: So yeah, I'm posting this chapter because…well just because. Again you've all been awesome and I just love everyone's opinion. I'm glad that you're all enjoying it. I've just finished writing the second last chapter and I'm really sad that it's almost over. I still don't know whether posting at 11pm (my time) every night starting Monday is wise, or whether to limit posting to two days a week or something. I've been incredibly frequent and I love it J. Anyway, let me know in the reviews. Keep reading and reviewing!**

PS, to , the message you sent is greatly appreciated and much much love for making me feel less ashamed about my addiction to SWAC. In fact, much love to everyone for making me feel a lot better about watching SWAC.

When Todd didn't call me for two weeks, I knew that it was time to end things. I had more things to worry about and that included a dusty piece of paper with my absent Father's phone number on it. I still hadn't called him. I didn't know what to say, how to say it, or whether talking to him was worth anything at all. Mom decided that she was staying until I had made my mind up, and I was really grateful when she didn't pressure me towards any direction.

I called Todd and we met in a park nearby. I was dreading this; I knew it had to be done, but this was the first time I had dumped anyone. I was dumping my first boyfriend, and it was awful. I thought of his bronze hair, attractive style and great sense of humour, but I couldn't convince myself not to dump him. It was so pathetic, but Chad Dylan Cooper beat all of those qualities just with the way he made me feel. I was a lost cause.

"Hi," I smiled, when he sat down on the bench next to me. He still looked mad with me, but I wasn't mad. I would be pissed off with me too if he'd put me through what I'd put him through.

"I didn't want to call you," he told me bluntly, with barely any emotion in his voice. "I just thought you should know."

"I know you're upset with me and you deserve an explanation for all of it," I told him truthfully. I despised what I had to say next, but I knew I had to say it. My gut was aching, but I knew that if I pretended we were okay, then I would feel the emptiness I had been feeling since Chad's confession to a larger extent.

"Yeah, you're damn right I do," he snapped, shaking his head. "I didn't do anything wrong! I was a perfect boyfriend! I got you backstage passes to your favourite band, I paid for the gig and I asked you out! I did everything you're meant to do if you like a girl. I was even going to tell you I loved you!"

"I'm glad you didn't," I replied, trying not to be offended by what he said. If he'd told me he loved me, I doubt I would've been able to end it without completely falling apart. I needed to stay strong, especially while doing this. "Because I'm not in love with you. I don't think I ever will be."

"Thanks for sparing my feelings," he remarked dryly. "It's Chad, isn't it?

"I don't want to love him," I protested, sighing. "It's horrible to be in love with someone who doesn't want you."

"That's so funny," he replied, the sarcasm just increasing his voice. "You're talking like it hasn't happened to me or something."

"I did like you," I told him. "I really did, but-"

"Spare me, will you?" He asked me. "I was the rebound, right?"

"You asked me out fresh after Chad didn't," I confessed. He wanted honesty, well this was the truth and I was past caring about the hurtful look in his eyes. "I wanted to move on and you seemed nice."

"I wish you'd told me," he said. "I feel like such an idiot. I mean all the damn signs pointed to it. You don't call another guy when you're in trouble, not unless he's your Dad."

"Ironic who I wanted protection against, huh?" I replied, trying to stir a little comedy, but Todd just stared into the distance. Everything between us had changed so suddenly. "Todd, I know I was wrong and I'm so sorry about it. I shouldn't have led you along like this. I thought I was over him, but we have history. We have so much history and I can't imagine him out of my life.

"Thanks a lot," he spat at me, standing up. "I hope for my sake that you get what you want. No one deserves what you've just said."

He walked away and I felt horrible. I had practically just broken his heart; wonderful. I sat alone for a while, wondering what I was going to do next. I couldn't believe that I wanted to talk to my Father more than I wanted to talk to Chad. Maybe it was because I could predict Chad's response. He would awkwardly reject me and we wouldn't be able to talk again. I would grow up an old maid and become so bitter I wouldn't even be able to appreciate any kind of romance.

"How was it?" Mom asked when I got home. I shrugged my shoulders.

"He wasn't too happy," I sighed collapsing onto the sofa. I had in my hand my Father's phone number. He had such messy writing. I wondered if I could even read what he had written, because if I couldn't then I didn't have to call him. It would be a load off my back. Unfortunately I could read the writing, and I looked up at Mom, who smiled at me sympathetically. "He really hates my guts, and the worst thing? I knew it was the right thing to do."

"Does it help that I think you're the strongest woman since Annie Oakley?" She laughed, kissing my forehead and stroking my hair.

"Who's she?" I asked.

"Only one of the most aggressive feminists on this planet," she replied, sounding shocked that I didn't know. Hey, maybe Tawni knew after reading those textbooks, I would ask her later. Oh crap, I was going to have to go over dumping Todd with her. She already knew about my Father, but I wanted to save the dumping lecture for after I did it, just in case she talked me out of it.

"Maybe you should leave the room," I suggested to her. "This is a call I need to make on my own."

"I will be in your bedroom," she told me, just in case I needed help. I had to make her leave the room, because this was more painful for her than it was for me. She had been rejected by the man and I knew that even hearing his voice would keep on bringing those horrible memories back.

After I dialled the number and the phone started ringing, I realised I didn't want to talk to him. I was losing my voice and I badly wanted to hang up. I didn't want to have to bring up everything my Mom and I had talked about just a few weeks before. My mind was spinning and my breathing was so heavy, I could have given Darth Vader a run for his money.

"Hello?" His voice sounded so soft on the phone. I could imagine him sitting there in a study, playing with a pen and holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder. "Hello? Who is this?"

"It's me," I replied, and then I realised that 'me' could be anyone. "Sonny Monroe." Why did I say my surname? I think he would have gotten the message if I didn't. There was silence on the other end of the line, but I would be damned if I was going to say something first. I didn't owe him anything. Just the mere thought of what he owed me made me so angry that I hugged a pillow.

"I was hoping you'd call," he said calmly. "We have a lot of things to talk about."

"Yeah we do," I replied softly. I couldn't lose my cool now, no matter how much the lump in my throat was begging to be spat out. "Why do you want to see me now?"

"I know it seems suspicious," he said. "I don't see you for twelve years and then you become famous, so obviously I must want to cash in on it."

"Stranger things have happened," I said.

"Sonny, I only got clean a few years ago," he explained. "I didn't want to see you when you were old enough to understand I had a problem, so I waited. I've just moved to a hospital near here. I trained as a doctor when I was clean and I wanted to wait until I was a doctor before I talked to you."

"Why did you wait so long?" I demanded.

"I didn't want you to be ashamed of me," he confessed. "I wanted you to respect me. Who doesn't respect a doctor, right? Your fame has nothing to do with it. I don't need recognition or cash. I just want to talk to my daughter."

"I don't know," I replied. I was finding it harder and harder to speak, because his story did sound believable. Maybe he did want to wait and see me when he was clean and I couldn't blame him for that. I probably would have been ashamed to call him my Father if I saw him when he was still on drugs. Just the thought of saying my Father had beaten a heroin addiction made me shudder. No child should ever have to say that about their parent. They should never be in the position where they have to say it.

"I'm scared too," he told me, his voice no louder than a whisper. "I've been low before and that's been damn scary, but talking to you is the scariest thing I've ever done."

"I'm not scared," I lied, which was stupid because why wouldn't I be scared? "I don't know whether to trust you anymore."

"Would you care to ask my wife? Or my son?"

"You've got a family?" I asked him. I didn't know why, but I actually felt myself aching when he told me that. The man had the cheek to move on and start a family before trying to make amends with the family he had already left behind?

"Yeah, I met her when I was recovering," he told me. "She's helped me through a lot."

"I bet she's surprised you're still with her," I said, through gritted teeth. I was so upset with him. I had never felt so angry with someone in my life. "Does she know about me?"

"I told her everything," he said. "She was the one who insisted I find you when I'm clean. I'm really glad I decided to. You wouldn't believe how happy I was when I saw you were on TV."

"That's the only place you'll be seeing me," I hissed. "I don't ever want to see or hear from you again. Don't worry though, you have your new and improved family to be with now. I'm just sorry that you wasted your time following me around."

I didn't wait for him to protest, I just hung up the phone.

When I went into my bedroom, I hugged my Mom and I just shook my head. We didn't have to say anything; I just wanted to pretend that it never happened. I felt numb about it. I was sure that the emotions would set in later on, but I felt nothing, only anger. Every beat of my heart pumped more anger into me and I was forced to leave home. I needed to go a walk. I needed to clear my head. So I went to the studios. It was disturbing how likely I was to find one of the Randoms there to talk to.

"Sonny!" I heard my voice being called as I walked towards my dressing room. I looked behind me and saw Selena Gomez standing there looking a little terrified. I must've still looked like I was possessed, so I quickly smiled. And then I remembered why I would want to glare at her.

"What do you want?" I asked. The time for friendliness had passed.

"I want to apologize for what happened at New Year's," she told me, and she did look remorseful. I knew they had broken up, but I still couldn't believe that she'd worked that apology so that I wouldn't be so upset when I saw her with Chad. "Chad didn't want me saying anything, but I am sick of being caught up in this. I don't even know how it happened!"

"What do you mean Chad said not to say anything?" I demanded. I had to remember that I was mostly furious with my Father and not Selena.

"I came alone on New Year's. I was not Chad's date, but for some reason he needed to pretend I was," she explained. "I went along with it, because he was alone too, and I think he was actually planning to say something to you that night, but I don't know. I don't want you to think he told me that."

"You came alone?" I asked.

"Yeah, and the irony is that I wanted to hang out with you that night," she rolled her eyes. "I wasn't supposed to get caught up in this mess, but just so you know; I don't love him, you do. He doesn't love me, he loves you. My God, does that guy love you."

"He doesn't," I shrugged my shoulders. "He's had a hundred chances to tell me and he hasn't."

"If no one had told you they loved you, would you find it easy to tell someone you love them?" She asked me, and it was amazing, but it sounded like she was on his side. "Look, I'm not defending what he's done or not done, but it can't be easy for him. When I met him, he was still trying to convince his parents to love him. Please do something about it. It's worse than Ross and Rachel."

"Thanks for telling me," I said quietly, a small smile appearing on my face. She smiled at me too. "I really would like to be friends with you."

"Absolutely," she said, but before she walked away, she said; "I think your friends are in you and Tawni's dressing room. I'll see you later."

The dressing room door was unlocked, so I walked in, and saw Tawni on our small sofa making out with someone. She looked up at me with horror, her eyes all wide.

"Sorry, I didn't know this was happening!" I gasped, looking away immediately. This was as awkward for me as it was for her. Not that I didn't know Tawni had a man, but I didn't want to see it. I was forced to look back so I could continue talking to her, and then I saw him.

"Grady?!"


	14. Tell Me What I Want

**Author's Note: Okay I know that there has been a bit of an unconventional pairing in Tawni and Grady. I know it's strange, but go with me on this. I wanted to surprise you all, and I'm hoping that no one saw it coming. I was lucky I was on my own when the idea came to mind, because I ended up arguing with myself for just a minute. I'm really sad that this is coming to an end now, but you guys…wow. Thanks and keep reading and reviewing!**

"No freaking way!" I gasped when I saw his face. He looked like a young child who had been introduced unwillingly into a lot of commotion. I looked at Tawni, who could barely look at me she was so red faced and humiliated.

"Sonny, we were just practicing a sketch," Grady insisted, trying to sound calm and collected, but because he was pretending, it sounded really creepy.

"No way was that a sketch," I replied, trying to remain calm. "You said it was Nico!"

"You said it was Nico?" Tawni scolded. I guessed that they hadn't planned on telling anyone and Grady had broken that rule.

"What could I do?" He argued, "She knew something was up with me."

"Grady? You're in love with Grady?" I gasped. I had walked in on two of my best friends making out, and the image would stay imprinted in my brain for life. Great.

"Aww, you said you were in love with me?" He asked, and it was like I wasn't even there. Tawni shrugged her shoulders and looked away from him shyly. What now? Tawni was modest around him; oh my God something was big was going on here.

"I was planning to tell you tonight," she smiled. How could she let him have his arm around her? My life was never going to be the same again. Damn Selena Gomez for introducing me to something else I just didn't need to see in my lifetime. "I knew we should've went to Chad's dressing room, but no, SOMEONE said that the place was empty."

"Well it was supposed to be!" Grady protested. Wow, I was watching every stage of this relationship mere minutes after discovering it. I was happy to report that it took my mind off what my Father had said and what I had to say to Chad, but that was all it was doing.

"Sweetie, could you maybe disappear for just a little while?" Tawni asked him gently, working her signature smile on him. "Sonny and I need to talk."

"Fine," he nodded, kissing her on the cheek. I accepted a polite handshake as he left. I still couldn't believe that his hands had touched Tawni in a way that I never thought they ever would.

"There, so now you know," Tawni shrugged, like it wasn't a big deal. She didn't look mad at me, or even surprised that I was there. There was an unusual calm about her, whereas my head was just bursting with the idea of them together.

"Tawni, if I was writing a novel about this then I wouldn't be able to find the words," I gasped. "You and Grady? Seriously? You and Grady?"

"I know," she replied, and she could barely look at me. "I don't know what to say! No one was as disgusted as I was, trust me."

"Most people think so fondly of their significant other," I remarked sarcastically, amazed that I could even come up with such a light-hearted response in a few minutes.

"That's because those girls are dating guys like Zac Efron," she told me. "You know how I sometimes think of it? It's like Beauty and the Beast, except he doesn't change into this smouldering, moody and broody prince at the end."

"How romantic," I said. "I can't believe it. I just didn't see this one coming. I thought you'd marry Prince William!"

"Me too!" She snapped. "But what can I say? It's totally horrible, weird and sickening, but I can't help it. Trust me, I've tried to help it, but I guess I love him."

It sounded absolutely adorable, and when she looked at me, her eyes certainly suggested that she felt something more than lust for the guy, but I couldn't see it. I always thought she'd marry some pretentious jerk who was in line to be the King of England.

"I need to know what happened," I insisted, and she rolled her eyes, but she agreed, because she thought the story sounded romantic and wanted to run it by me before she ran it by any strangers.

"Well it was New Year's and you had already gone home. I was feeling bad for myself because there I was looking like an angel, and all Damon could think of doing was hitting on Selena Gomez, who was with Chad by the way! Why would you hit on her when you were with me?"

"Why indeed?" I asked, I didn't want to answer the question, because they were both pretty, and thank God they didn't bat for the other team, so my opinion didn't matter.

"Anyway, Grady came up to me, and he was all; 'Who wouldn't want to be with you right now?' I thought it was sweet and he offered me a dance so I took it. It was very near midnight, and he wasn't getting any luck either, but no way were we going to lose this one. I can't explain what happened; I think it was New Year's, it can make you all funny inside, but suddenly he was not just Grady anymore. The guy can actually carry a decent conversation without resorting to fart jokes."

"I didn't know it was humanely possible," I told her. Okay, this was just getting weirder and weirder.

"Oh yeah. Okay, when midnight was fast approaching, we both realised that we weren't having much luck with the opposite sex, and we knew that we wanted to kiss each other. Grady said to me; 'You know, if we did do something, it wouldn't have to happen ever again'. I looked at him and I said that it definitely couldn't happen again. Could you imagine it? Me and Grady?"

"Trust me, I can't imagine it," I nodded.

"So we kissed in the storeroom, or the closet, containing all the props for Mackenzie Falls, because we didn't want people thinking it was more than a one night thing. So yeah, great party, but it ruined our friendship very badly. The day you saw him was probably the day when we first saw each other. I had been thinking of him a lot, which disgusted me at first, but then I felt bad for feeling disgusted. We said that it was a one night thing and it shouldn't affect our professionalism, but minutes after that we were making out again. I kept on trying to stop, but he's a really good kisser."

"I don't even know what to say to that," I shrugged. In all my days here at So Random, I never thought that I was going to be hearing this story. Ever.

"The affair started after that day and that was that," she told me. "We are brilliant actors, don't you think? I mean you guys did not suspect a thing! I just needed Chad's help, because I thought you were really close to figuring it out, and we needed more time to work it out."

"I can't believe Chad knew!" I gasped, I was so going to have to grill him about this one. "I didn't think I would ever see you two dating. Ever. It's like Twilight, only with a role reversal."

"Grady sounds like Seth Rogen when he recites lines from that so we had to stop," she said, and she actually had to hold in a laugh. She was no longer disgusted by him. "I know it's not…normal, but it happened and although he sometimes disgusts me worse than anyone, I can live with that. Perfection isn't all its cracked up to be. Seriously, don't you know the trials and tribulations I have to go through?"

"Wow," I replied, unable to believe what I had just heard. I didn't want to admit it, but the story was pretty cute and I was actually rooting for them when she told me it. What was wrong with me? "You and Grady are dating? Miracles do happen."

"I know," she giggled, nodding her head. "He is lucky, isn't he?" Well, at least she hadn't completely forgotten who she was. "Sonny, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I know it's weird and I don't want people to be talking about us badly, because I don't want to be convinced that what we have is a horrible thing."

"Tawni it's fine," I insisted, patting her arm. "I dumped Todd by the way."

"You what now?" She demanded. It was truly amazing how her in love smile could disappear so quickly and be replaced by what I called the Sonny frown.

"I don't in fact love him, I love Chad Dylan Cooper and did I mention I had a Father?" I smiled, it would save me having to go into detail later. "Now, tell me, are you guys ever going to go public?"

"You're going to tell Chad? More power to you I guess," she said, but she looked doubtful. I felt doubtful, and I would gladly have agreed not to do it, but I had to do it. "And we'll probably go public next week when we go to my island."

"Oh my God, that's next week?" I gasped, and then I remembered the one thing that I had heard her say when I shouldn't have been listening. "Wait a minute! Chad knows, and he's coming, right?"

"He told you?" She snapped, looking freaked out. "He only got a place on the plane because he promised he wouldn't tell anyone."

"He didn't tell me anything," I sighed, biting my lip nervously. "I sort of overheard you talking to him on the phone and that's when I heard it."

"Chad was a last resort, trust me," she said, looking at me with shame. "But no one would look for us in his dressing room and he was doing his hermit thing. You know when we told him, he was actually very nice about it, but I thought he was being as nice as a psychopath."

"You're happy Tawni?" I asked her.

"Yeah Sonny, I'm really happy."

"Then that's all that matters," I smiled, wrapping my arms around her. "It's a really romantic story by the way, it really made my day."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You didn't like Todd much, did you?" She asked, and she didn't look mad with me. I shook my head and looked towards the ground. I still didn't like the fact that I had dumped him. I thought I had been unfair, and I thought that I was a bitch to b fairly honest. "I guess I always knew it was Chad."

"You did?"

"Oh Sonny, I may not know much about school stuff, but I know about the real stuff like love and relationships," she told me, as if I was mad to doubt her. "And wow, do you need to tell him you love him. I thought that if you dated someone else you'd grow to love them, but you need to say something."

"I never thought I'd see the day when you would say that," I told her. Actually, I never thought I'd see the day when she was smarter than me. Was the apocalypse close?

"Every dog has its day," she laughed. "Speaking of which, we left Grady alone too long. If he's left alone he gets bored, and that's not good for anybody."

I left soon after that and went home to my apartment. Okay, so Todd was dumped, my Father was called and I had discovered a secret relationship. What a day. I couldn't possibly tell Chad Dylan Cooper I was in love with him, could I?

Mom had left a note saying that she had gone shopping, so I sat down in the living room with a microwaved burger and watched some TV, but I couldn't think. If Tawni and Grady could work out their issues and have a real relationship, why couldn't Chad and I? I mean let's face it, Chad and I had been more likely to get together than those two, and they had been together for three whole months. That was a lot for Tawni, that was practically begging for a marriage proposal. Me? I had failed to get Chad Dylan Cooper to notice me, and I had failed to fall for anyone else. He first three months of this year had failed miserably.

It didn't help that I was still very much in love with Chad. No, that was a curse. It was a curse because he would never love me back.

I was disturbed by my thoughts when Chad came to the door. It was the first time I'd seen him since I realised that he could be the one. Great, now I had a Hannah Montana song stuck in my head. Anyway, he looked particularly handsome today, and when he smiled at me, I had to pretend that my heart didn't just about stop beating.

"I thought I'd come see how you've been," he said. Oh my God he had come over on a mission to benefit anyone other than himself. We walked into the living room, and I could barely think knowing that he was right behind me. "You've been doing the hermit thing."

"I'm okay," I insisted. "I'm not going to see my Father. Did you know he has another family? It just felt like such a slap in the face."

"I'd feel that way too," he nodded. He didn't really know what to say, and it was okay, because I didn't expect anyone to know what I was talking about. Just the fact that he cared enough to come see me outside work hours was enough to keep me going.

"So, Tawni and Grady," I giggled. It was feeling a little uncomfortable now, and I needed something to clear the discomfort. I wasn't used to Chad being so serious, even when he was drunk I wanted to laugh. How was I going to tell him I was in love with him. "And you knew?"

"Aw man if they ever get married I want to be interviewed," he sneered. I hated it; why did everything about this boy make me turn into this nervous little girl? "When she called me up, I thought she was kidding and she was the host of a new prank show, but it was true. It's like Beauty and the Beast, only he doesn't change into the prince. Did I ever tell you I was in a version of Beauty and the Beast last year?"

"Yeah Chad," I nodded, and I had watched it. He was pretty as always, and he acted like he knew it, as always. And I was in love with him, wonderful. "You told me."

"I think it's sweet," he smiled.

"Yeah Chad of course you do, did you see the girl who was playing Belle-"

"No, the Tawni and Grady thing," he said, and I was shocked. Chad Dylan Cooper actually admiring something that he was barely involved in? I never thought I would see the day.

"You do?"

"Well he gives every non-jock boy who ever liked a cheerleader hope," he said, and he was right. "Hell, he gives anyone who's ever been in love with someone out of their league hope. I mean I'm sure a lot of chicks will be thinking their worthy of a little CDC after learning about this."

"You are so romantic," I replied dryly. He was right though, even I felt a little more comfortable about telling Chad I loved him. Wait, now I was comparing him to perfection? This was crazy.

"I helped them, didn't I? Sure, it came with a price, but when does it ever not come with a price with CDC?" He was right there, everything came at a price with Chad, and mine included the price of memory loss. I would have loved to tell him that.

"I'm single by the way," I told him, a little too eagerly. I had to remember that men are awful when it comes to dropping hints. It was amazing what I had learned since reading He's Just Not That Into You. "I dumped Todd earlier today."

"You dumped the pretty boy?" He smirked, and I knew that my imagination was probably playing tricks on me, but I swear he actually looked relieved. In the next few minutes we would either be kissing, or he would have left a Chad shaped hole in the door from running out way too fast. Was I ready to do this? "Finally, that guy was so not right for you."

"What do you know about what's right for me?" I asked him. God please tell me that you think you're the right guy for me, I pleaded. I wouldn't have to be the one to start it, but that was wishful thinking. Since when did I ever get the easy way out? "Hey, would you hold on a second?"

I knew exactly how to help speed along my whole love confession. I ran into my bedroom and pulled out the hat that was worn by Jimmy Stewart. I forgot I even had it. He would see it, (hopefully) love it and then thank me and tell me that he loves me, or he would (hopefully) kiss me in a friendly way on the cheek, and then kiss me on the lips, and then he would have to tell me he loves me. Again, that was wishful thinking, this was Chad Dylan Cooper we were talking about.

"I got you this," I smiled nervously, pulling out the hat. "I went into a vintage store and the guy said that it had originally been worn by Jimmy Stewart." Chad's face when he heard that was the whole reason I even bought it in the first place. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped to the ground. He looked like I was handing him the jewels from a royal family. He took the hat gently, as if he could break it at any second, and then he looked up at me smiling.

"Thanks for helping feed my addiction," he joked, but then he looked at me again. "Seriously the best thing anyone's ever got me."

It happened so quickly after that. One minute we were sitting quite far apart on the sofa, admiring the hat, and the next minute? The hat was on the floor and Chad was on top of me. We looked at each other so deeply and I could see past the surface of those eyes again. He was looking at me so strangely, like he was seeing me for the first time. He was stroking my cheek and smiling a little. The feeling of his warm hand against my cheek was making me feel all kind of wonderful things. I couldn't think straight, and the way my heart was beating, I knew that I had to tell him now. This was the perfect moment, just as our lips were about to touch.

"Chad, I-"

"I'm home kid!" I heard my Mother's voice coming from the hallway, and just like that, Chad and I returned to the way we had been sitting just minutes before. He barely looked at me, and I barely looked at him. I was so disappointed, and when Mom came in, she bit her lip and we exchanged glances. She looked sorry, but I looked furious. "So Chad, staying for dinner?"


	15. Just Friends?

**Author's Note: So we are back to one chapter a night now after the New Year craze. I hate doing it too, but I need to keep some of the suspense going. I have started writing the final chapter and I guess I should warn you now, in almost every story I've written since 2007, the characters have never gotten together. Is it going to be the same at the end of this story? Who knows? I guess you'll just have to read and find out. This isn't the final chapter by the way. Oh, I would like to thank everyone again for the support, especially my consistent reviewers. Much love to you all. Keep reading and reviewing!**

I met Lucy at the airport mere hours before we were supposed to be leaving for the island. I then had the bright idea that because our flight was only five hours after she was due to land, we should stake a sleepover at the airport so that we would be on time.

"Oh my God! You haven't had plastic surgery!" She screamed at me when we finally came face to face. We hugged each other tightly and squealed for a minute because we were seventeen and it annoyed everyone else around us.

"Neither have you!" I squealed back, looking at my Mom for any word, but she shrugged her shoulders. "Is that our standard greeting now?"

"I read online that you had a secret nose job," she told me, eyeing up my nose suspiciously. I made it a rule not to read any gossip about myself, and it wasn't like I was stalked by the paparazzi constantly, so there really wasn't anything to look at, until now. "I also read that there were nude photos of you just waiting to surface. Was I reading crap?"

"I'm not getting my Vanessa Hudgens on just yet," I winked. "And I haven't had a nose job either, or anything else. We have a whole five hours to go through what's been said about me!"

"Okay girls, I'm going to go," Mom smiled, wrapping her arms around both of us. Lucy was considered my sister now on account of the amount of times we were in each other's company when we were younger. "Behave yourself, and no boys!"

"It's a deserted island Miss Munroe," Lucy insisted. "There will be no other boys, apart from Chad Dylan Cooper of course, wow."

"Oh yeah," I smiled, kissing my Mom on the cheek to stop myself feeling jealous that my best friend had a well documented crush on Chad Dylan Cooper. I hadn't told Lucy anything about him, and I knew that I was in a lot of trouble. Mom waved goodbye, and Lucy and I were left in the McDonalds all by ourselves. It had been a while.

"Before we go through all the rumours" I said, before she had a chance to interrupt me. "I need to tell you something that's very true, about me and Chad." I felt like I had told the story a hundred times by this point. If I was writing a novel about it, I would be absolutely sick of it. I wished that I had just left a voice message on her phone explaining it all, because she had a lot of questions. I forgot that my best friend had to know absolutely everything and enjoyed a good love story, even though this was far from it.

"I'm so sorry I didn't say anything, but I've been hell-bent on moving on from this," I insisted, biting my lip nervously, "Do you know how much I would pay not to love the guy?"

"Funny, because you talked of him so fondly there," she laughed, "Sonny, it's fine. I'm more surprised that Tawni Hart is dating Grady!"

"I know, and for a whole three months!" I gasped. I hadn't gossiped about it to anyone, not even to Chad, who had a huge part in it. "Are you mad I dumped Todd?"

"He sounds like such a smart ass!" She told me, screwing up her face. "One of those miserable douche bags that get laid using those kinds of lines. I actually prefer Chad."

"Really?" I asked. "Ugh he drives me nuts! One minute he's my friend, and then he's not, and then he's moaning about looking like a hunchback, and then he's my friend again. You know what? It's the worst emotional maze I've been lost in."

"We have to work out a way for the two of you to be alone," she said. Ah, I remembered this aspect of her personality all too well. We both loved making up plans. "So you can tell him how you feel."

"I am not getting involved with anything involving scented candles and Lionel Ritchie in the background," I warned her. I couldn't imagine telling Chad I loved him under the traditional circumstances, because this was not a normal situation.

"Fine, but you're going to have to agree to some things," she warned me, pointing her finger. "I know you really don't want to do it, but this is more romantic than P.S. I Love You, and that still makes me cry."

"No," I shook my head defensively. I would not have my best friend compare Chad and I to such an awesome love story, because I loved that movie and novel. "We're Sid and Nancy."

"It's not that bad," she insisted. "I think he prefers causing himself pain instead of you."

"This is why I regret not taking Psychology at the community college," I laughed. "Why is it that everyone can work out someone's psyche so easily and I can't even give the guy credit."

We spent the next few hours talking about Chad, Todd, some guys she'd been seeing since my departure from Wisconsin and what else was going on in my old high school. I missed being a normal girl gossiping about the popular kids. Instead, I was the famous girl gossiping about Chad Dylan Cooper and Tawni Hart. Not that I didn't love it, but it just made me miss Lucy all the more. Whenever we were together, she made me laugh so much my sides ached, and this early morning was no different. We played in the arcades for ages and I actually fell off the treadmill on Wii Fit because she was making me laugh so much.

I tried not to get the weird butterflies when Chad called me, but they were unavoidable.

"Are you here yet?" I asked him, the tiredness finally setting in.

"Absolutely and I just want to warn you that I was followed here by the paparazzi, naturally of course," he said so smugly, I rolled my eyes. I wondered if the heavens would do to him the same thing as Cassiopeia when he died. "So please don't come out and meet me or they'll think we're together. You would obviously be so lucky for them to think that, but I am just thinking of you."

"Yeah, you say you're thinking of me but we all know who's the number one concern," I replied, trying not to laugh. It was so difficult hating him for the stupid vanity thing he had going on. "Lucy and I are in the arcade next to McDonald's already checked in. I'll see you soon."

"Have I met Lucy?" He asked, forcing me to sigh impatiently.

"You're a jerk, do you know that?" I shook my head teasingly. "See you soon."

"Who was that?" Lucy asked me, sweating after her session on the Wii Fit. Well we would certainly know where to go if we wanted too burn off calories after this weekend.

"Chad," I said, trying to sound casual, but my voice became all high and worryingly excited. "He's pretending not to know you."

"Smooth," she giggled. "I'm hungry again, you want something?"

"Yeah," I nodded eagerly. "I think the food is actually keeping me awake."

Chad joined us fifteen minutes later and he looked tired when he took his shades off. His face was slowly becoming his own again, but Mackenzie's abduction storyline had worked wonders in the ratings, so the not so pretty face was paying off pretty well.

"They think we're going on a romantic getaway," he smiled as he sat down next to us, and then he looked at Lucy blankly. "I really don't remember this girl. You were at my party, right?"

"I can definitely see why people would want to go on a romantic getaway with you Romeo," she said dryly, "You're a whiz at remembering faces."

"I like you," Chad smirked, but he looked at me and shook his head. He was not sure of this girl, but I liked her. I think she was the only one who was willing to take the piss out of Chad, other than me of course. "So, are you girls excited?"

"Oh yeah," Lucy nodded, and there was something sinister about her smile. "I'm very excited to see how this trip turns out." Yeah Lucy, don't make it look obvious that we had a plan or anything.

"What about you Chad?" I asked, and fine, I confess that I was hoping he would tell me that he wanted someone to tell him they loved him, and then my work would just be done.

"It's a free trip, I'm just glad I'm going," he smirked. I had forgotten momentarily how Chad had even got on this trip. He turned to Lucy; "I helped Tawni and Grady hide their relationship and she got me on this trip in return."

"The woman you marry is going to be a lucky lady," Lucy replied, looking at me. Yeah Lucy, because that was the aspect of his personality that I fell in love with. I thought about it, and then I gasped, I couldn't say that I wasn't attracted to that part of his personality. I wouldn't recommend putting it on a dating agency, but it didn't turn me off. I really had something wrong with me.

"Can I see you for a second?" Chad asked me.

"Sure," I said casually, shrugging in Lucy's direction before heading with Chad. We stood at the small foyer with the two separate bathrooms on either side of us where no one could see us. Even in a disgusting place like a fast food bathroom, Chad still managed to shine. I needed to get over this. I couldn't say anything to him because he intimidated me too much. When you actually thought about it, he was handsome and compared to him I felt - oh my God, he was making me doubt myself now? Is this what it felt like to be in love? Ugh, I didn't want to hate how I looked. I used to be able to cope with how I looked, and now a guy was making me doubt that.

"I just want to say that I really admire you," Chad began, and I could tell it was killing him trying to compliment someone. I guessed I should have felt honoured, but instead I felt very curious. "You've been handling things so well and I got to say that if it was me, I'd be falling apart."

"Chad, you barely see your parents, my thing isn't such a big deal," I shrugged my shoulders, looking away from him. I had nightmares about that phone call to my Father. Sometimes I wondered if I had made the right decision, but only for a few minutes. He didn't deserve to know me. It was only once or twice I thought it; when I saw a family. It was stupid really. "If it's killing you to say it, don't bother. It's fine, you've been a good friend."

"Stop that, will you?" He said impatiently. "Take the compliment. I don't hand them out much."

"Thanks," I said. I didn't know what else to say. "Is that all? You're freaking me out with all the kindness."

"Just one second," he asked me. I was about to ask him what he really wanted to say when he walked over to me, cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. I blinked for one second, and pinched myself, but it was really happening. I was making out with Chad Dylan Cooper outside of the bathroom in McDonald's. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was quite wonderful. But it was over quicker than it began.

"Thanks?" I replied, trying to hide my smile. He looked nervous, and I was about to shit my pants. What did it mean? "What did I do to deserve that?"

"Remember that episode of Friends where Joey kissed Phoebe just because she was miserable and he wanted to make her feel better?" He asked me. I nodded. "Well I'm your good friend, and I don't think anyone's really given you credit."

"A card would've been nice too, you know," I told him, but I was exploding inside. I didn't ever have to get high in my life if kissing him felt like that.

"I'm Chad Dylan Cooper," he told me. "I think big. Plus, you've been through a lot, and who would I be if I didn't show my friends credit when they deserved it?"

"So you were just kissing me as my friend?" I asked him, trying to make it sound casual, but what the hell was casual about that? My heart was racing, and I felt like there was some weird drug pumping through my veins. It was amazing.

"Well yeah," he replied, looking at me strangely. He didn't even look strange, he actually looked a little scared, exactly how I was feeling. "Why do you think I was kissing you?"

"Well I thought-"

"You guys, Tawni and the Randoms are here," Lucy said, biting her lip. "Tawni and Grady had a little fight, and guess what? We're riding on her private jet now. We need to go."

"I better go see what's up," I said, looking back at Chad. I wanted him to stop and ask me what I wanted to say to him, but he didn't say anything. He just nodded his head and I cursed a thousand times under my breath. I would probably be on my deathbed before I got to tell Chad I loved him.

Was this a sign?


	16. Slowdance On The Inside

**Author's Note: Okay so here is chapter sixteen, and just so everyone knows, chapter seventeen will be posted later on tonight. I was having a little browse around the stats for this, and when I saw the amount of people who had favourited/subscribed to this story, I knew I had to give you all something extra before I go back to college. I've just finished the last chapter of the story and I am so psyched for you guys to read it. Thanks again! Keep reading and reviewing!**

"He made me unpack two suitcases!" Tawni told me on the way onto the private jet. I couldn't believe that this was an actual fight her and Grady were having, but this was Tawni. She once fell out with me for not letting her buy another thousand dollar bag she was only going to use once.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it," I soothed, but it was a generic response. Of course he meant it. "We are only going away for the weekend after all. You've already bought five cases."

"Baggage gets lost on planes Sonny!" She snapped, and I exchanged glances with Lucy, who was looking at me sympathetically. I felt worse for her, she was the one having to endure Chad talking to her about his latest movie venture. "Don't you know that?"

"We're going on your private jet," I reminded her. "Why would your suitcase get lost on your jet?"

"That is exactly what he said!" She hissed, and suddenly I was the bad guy. "Why does everyone question what I want to do? I'm the one decent enough to take us on this trip."

"This is just plain nuts," Nico whispered to me as we tried to find our seats on the plane. In true miserable fashion, I had replaced Grady next to Tawni and Nico was now sitting next to the guy. I supposed they had to have one fight, but Lucy was now stuck sitting next to Chad. I wanted to sit next to her, or Chad, either one was preferable. No, I wanted to know if Chad did mean anything by his kiss. I could barely think straight after that kiss. It was the kind of thing you dreamt about; that perfect person kissing you, and making everything around you seem perfect for just a moment. I sounded so incredibly cheesy, but I wouldn't mind kissing those lips until I died if that's how I felt afterwards.

"I think you're being silly," I told Tawni an hour into the flight. We were watching some really bad horror movie and I had already predicted the ending. She pretended not to hear me at first, but I saw her sneaking glanced at Grady, who looked at her when she didn't look at him. I knew it was a fight, but it was adorable to watch. "You love him, remember? You don't want to end it."

"Sonny don't be silly," she giggled, looking at me like I was nuts. "One little thing like this isn't going to make me break up with the guy and forget I love him." Was it just me? Or was everyone else terrified that she was more mature than me? Who was she? And what had she done with Tawni? "I'm just going to make him sweat a little. The world's oldest couple said that a fight a day kept their relationship going strong. No need to be so melodramatic."

Why did I feel like she was trying to tell me something?

I didn't have time to think about it, because I actually fell asleep. It turned out that the food was only a temporary energy source. I was out for the whole flight, and I heard that I hadn't predicted the end of the horror movie. It wasn't the crazy step mom that killed anyone, it was the crazy daughter. I was quite disappointed. I had been told that the flights to a destination could be almost as exciting as the actual destination, but I would never know. I was so annoyed.

I felt like a vampire stepping off the plane, but when I adjusted to the sun, I couldn't help but gasp. It looked like heaven. You know the same image every cartoon heroin has of what paradise is? Well that was what Tawni's island looked like. How could this amazing place be hers? The trees were emerald green and their leaves were sparkling with the clear blue water coming from the lagoon. In the distance, you could hear the batting of the waves against the beach. The sand was golden coloured, with the emerald forest right behind it. It was heaven.

"Welcome," Tawni smiled, looking extremely pleased with herself. I saw her take Grady's hand and kiss him softly on the cheek before letting him grab her suitcases. There was something so cute and unsettling about the two of them.

"I love you," Lucy hugged me tightly, looking all around her. "This is better than any place I've ever been to! And I've been to Egypt!"

"I feel like the little mermaid should be coming out of the sea," I giggled, putting my arm around her. "You don't suppose this is the real Jurassic Park, do you?"

"I think we would've heard something," she giggled, and then I caught sight of Chad. When we looked at each other, he still looked very curious. Did he know something I didn't? Did he know that I was so close to telling him the thing that would ruin everything?

The island just got better. Tawni's Father hired some people to man the island with us, because he had built her a hotel on the premises. The hotel conveniently looked out to the lagoon on one side, and the sea on the other, not to mention it had a pool in the back. A pool the size of England. There were no words to describe this place. It wasn't too warm either, and it wasn't too cold. It didn't have the smell of reeking heat like so many other places had. It was beautiful. It was simply beautiful.

"We're sharing a room!" I gasped when Lucy and I opened the door. We jumped up and down and hugged each other. Trust us to get excited over something so simple.

"With Tawni!" She squealed, letting Grady carry her suitcases over to her four poster bed in the conjoined room. We both had a luxurious double bed, but trust Tawni to ensure that she had the best.

"I don't know how long I can do this," Grady hissed to me. "Today it's a couple of suitcases, tomorrow it'll be all of her food. I think she's trying to break me."

"You're delirious from the heat," I assured him. "You love her."

"Unfortunately so," he shook his head, before leaving us all alone. All of the guys were sharing a room, but Zora had passed on the trip to go on yet another college trip with her parents. I found it disturbing that her parents welcomed this obsession with the ivy leagues.

"There's a pool party tonight," Tawni told us, after changing into the dress she was wearing for the evening. She looked like a princess, and I felt oddly plain. I still couldn't concentrate on anything without that kiss coming to mind every five minutes. "You need to get with Chad tonight."

"I was so going to say that!" Lucy agreed excitedly, silencing me before I could object. "It's perfect! We're on a secluded island, no one will see you and you have an excuse to slow dance with him!"

"I'm sorry, when did I become a character in a Nicholas Sparks novel?" I replied defensively. I knew they were right though. It was perfect, and he would look perfect under the blanket of stars and next to the enchanting scenery. It was everything I could have hoped for, but I was fucking terrified.

"Sonny you're doing this," Tawni told me, and she sounded the way she did when she was ordering me around. "You need to do it."

"Why do I need to do it?" I demanded.

"He's not going to be single forever," Lucy replied, before Tawni could, but she nodded her head in agreement. I knew they were right, but I had never thought of it. He had been single for so long, now that I knew about the whole Selena Gomez thing. I couldn't imagine Chad with a girlfriend, because I never had to. I always used to think that maybe he stayed single because he didn't want to be with anyone else but me. That was before that night; before everything was ruined forever. I didn't know why he was single now. If he had forgotten everything he said to me, why was he still not with anyone?

"I'll think about it," I promised them, forcing a smile to my face. "He's the last thing on my mind right now."

"Is this about your Father?" Lucy asked me, and I could tell that Tawni was growing uncomfortable. We hadn't discussed it in depth, but I knew something like that was too much for her. She wanted to help me, but she didn't know what to say. Everyone knew what to say when it came to boys, not absent Fathers.

"Forget it," I smiled, pushing it a little. "Help me find a nice dress to wear tonight?"

I ended up wearing a simple white summer dress with a blank tank top on underneath. I liked it; it didn't say too much, but it wasn't so understated that no one would notice me. I wondered if Chad would notice me? I wanted him to notice me. I didn't want him to move on and find someone else just because I hadn't been brave enough to say how I really felt.

He was down at the pool with Nico and Grady when we finally got ready. We decided that there was no point in wearing a lot of make up, because someone was going to be thrown in the pool. When we got down there, it was already dark and the barbeque was waiting. The island looked so mysterious in the dark; I couldn't see the clear lagoons, and the trees were silent as the emerald faded with the sun.

Chad was topless, and that was probably the most beautiful thing the night had to offer. He had the perfect body; not too toned, but not too lanky. I had never really paid attention to a boy's body, but his was perfect for me. Ugh, I was really disgusting myself. Remember when I didn't want to become Bella Swan? I feared that I was turning into her. I avoided him by looking up at the stars and drinking a ton of the fresh water available with the burgers.

"Are you having fun?" Chad asked me as we waited in line for a hotdog.

"It's so beautiful," I told him, and I couldn't help but blush when he smiled at me. I really was a lost cause, wasn't I? Everything he did had me. He actually didn't need to do anything. He had me. "What about you?"

"I think the place might be prettier than me," he smirked. That was a huge step for him, and I mockingly gasped and giggled.

"Oh no you didn't," I laughed. I couldn't believe how much had changed in the past few weeks. Did he notice it too? Did he notice how comfortable we were around each other? It was like the night he was drunk never happened. It was like this was the natural progression of things. This was how it was supposed to be. This was how it would have definitely turned out if he hadn't said anything. I knew Lucy and Tawni were eyeing me up excitedly, and as much as I wanted to prove them wrong and move away, like a small part of my mind was begging me to, I didn't want to leave his side.

That was when the music started.

It was fast at first, which was fine with me. I didn't have to dance with him slowly right away, and even he looked a little relieved that this was a song you could actually dance to.

"You're dancing like a grandpa," he told me. He didn't realise that I was dying of fear. It all reminded me of the fake prom I staged. The night he danced with me. I never said it at the time, but the only reason I reminded him that the song hadn't started was because I didn't want to admit that I loved him. That was the night I realised that it wasn't just a crush. "Come on, relax a little."

"Oh, and you're Patrick Swayze all of a sudden?" I asked him sarcastically. I needed to relax though; this was a night when I could actually use some kind of alcoholic drink. I couldn't believe I was saying it, but I needed a lot of Dutch courage. However, I had asked Tawni not to bring a drop of alcohol in case Chad had some and told me some more things he would forget the next day.

"Well you are no Jennifer Grey," he remarked.

"I don't think I've ever heard a guy reference Dirty Dancing," I sneered, shaking my head. "I knew that your dance moves were too good to be learned from one year being forced to go to a dance school! You love Dirty Dancing, don't you?"

"They had the time of their lives!" He confessed, raising his voice jokingly, "And you know what Sonny? So did I!"

"I want to mock you so bad," I laughed hysterically.

"But you respect me too much," he winked, and he really could dance. I wasn't kissing - I mean kidding. I couldn't even pronounce words anymore without some kind of romantic attachment.

That was when the slow song started.

Great, they couldn't have given us an hour to properly dance? I watched everyone pair up with someone. Even Nico and Lucy paired up together for the song playing. Chad and I looked at each other, and I'm not kidding, but he looked just as scared as me. It was as if we knew that this dance was going to change something. It was going to change everything.

"So, I guess we should…" I trailed off.

"It would look good, huh?" He agreed. I nodded my head.

He rested his hands on my hips, and it was my turn to put my arms around his neck. My heart was pounding and I could barely breathe, but I managed it. His skin felt so soft, and so warm against my cold hands. When I looked into his eyes, they were sparkling, and that surface I used to always see was gone. Something had changed between us, even if he wasn't saying I love you.

"Why is it always impossible to have a normal conversation when you're dancing like this?" I asked, trying to break the tension, because I was sure his touch was going to turn me to stone. I was so uptight.

"Because when you're a couple you're not supposed to talk," he smirked. When I felt his breath against my hair, it sent a chill down my spine. "Sonny, I need to ask you something?"

"What?" I asked, fighting the urge to stroke his golden coloured hair.

"When I kissed you today…" he trailed off, looking away from me. I was frozen into his eyes and I felt a lump in my throat when he turned to look at me again. "I need to know, did you want me to kiss you as a friend? Or did you want me to kiss you as something else?"

It was the question I had wanted him to ask me the whole day, and now that it was coming from his mouth, I didn't know what to say. I was sure I was speechless, because I sure as hell wasn't breathing. I gazed at him with so much fear and so much uncertainty. Did I dare say what I wanted to say? He was looking at me with so much fear too, but he looked more curious than anything. Did he want me to say what I was thinking? I would never know unless I was honest.

"I'm not sure," I managed to choke. "Did you want to kiss me as something else?"

"Sonny, will you just answer the question?" He pleaded, sounding a little impatient. "I thought we were friends, but I'm not sure anymore."

"I think I want you to be something else," I confessed, and I couldn't say anymore than that. I wanted to say more than that, but it ached thinking of it. The last time I was honest, it was all thrown back in my face and I had spent the last few months in agony over it.

"There's something I need to tell you," he said to me softly, practically whispering it into my ear. I couldn't see anyone but him now. It was as if there was no one else in the world. The last time I felt this way was when he was drunk. I was thankful that he was sober.

"What?" I asked nervously. I didn't think my heart was able to take all of it, but I was still alive, wasn't I?

"Sonny, I remember everything I said the night I was drunk," he whispered in my ear. "Everything."

I gasped.


	17. I Could Break You Down So Badly

**Author's Note: Chapter seventeen as I promised. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone again for the reviews, including those with the long ones who tell me exactly what I'm doing right**. **I think it's nice to hear what exactly you guys are loving, just so I know that IF I was ever going to write some kind of sequel/other story, I know exactly what you guys are looking for. Luckily for everyone, I seem to enjoy the same things you do. Much love. Keep reading and reviewing!**

"Everything?" I asked him, my head spinning. I felt so unbelievably sick and so stupid. My hands were so numb I couldn't feel the ice cold water that I was holding in my hands. I could barely look at Chad Dylan Cooper, but I had to, because I needed to know. Did he know everything? Or did he think he did? I wanted it to be the latter. I didn't want to think that he had allowed me to spend the last few months in agony. I forced my eyes not to water and I forced myself to swallow the lump in my throat. No way was I going to cry over this.

"I told you I loved you," he said, looking a little nervous. "And then we kissed, and then you got really scared because I was being so honest, but then you told me you loved me too."

So he did remember everything.

No one could hear our conversation because we were still dancing, and I was glad, because I was seconds away from bursting into tears. I looked up at him, but he didn't look remorseful or even ashamed of himself for keeping such a secret. So he had just allowed me to wonder all of these months? I tried not to choke him, or hit him. I just needed to wait until the song was finished. The touch of his hands were now burning me. I could hardly keep my hands around his neck.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. How dare he even think of asking me that? Yeah Chad, I'm fine; I've spent the last few months pulling my hair out, because of you. I've been waiting to tell you I love you, because I thought you were too drunk to remember. Yeah, Chad I am so good I am about to commit your murder.

"Absolutely," I managed to choke. I felt like such an idiot, and I had to wait another few seconds for the damn song to be over. I couldn't look at him; I had invited everyone around me, and tried to block him out. I wondered if Lucy and Tawni noticed anything, but they looked like they were having way too much fun for me to tell them something like this.

I was so grateful when the song finished. I immediately pulled myself away from Chad and crossed my arms, stepping back when he tried to approach me. He looked concerned now, I would be too if I was at the risk of being killed in the next few minutes.

"Hey, I know that I should have told you this," he said, oh, so he did have some kind of moral fibre. "I didn't tell you because-"

I didn't wait for his explanation. I saw where he was standing and smirked. Sure, I sounded like I was listening, but I never wanted to see or look at him again. I knew it was wrong, because he looked oh so serious, but I could barely unclench my fists to do what I wanted to do. He had lied to me for months, and there was no excuse. He had so many opportunities to tell me and he didn't.

I walked over to him as he was explaining, and rested my hand on his torso. It still felt like it was burning me, maybe that was because he was the devil in disguise! He looked at me with those big blue eyes, but I wouldn't allow to myself to feel anything.

I pushed him into the pool and walked away.

I didn't know where else to go except the beach, and it wasn't far away from the hotel. Unfortunately I couldn't appreciate the salty breeze that cooled down my scarlet cheeks, or the fact that the water was the exact same colour as the midnight blue sky. It was beautiful, and I couldn't see it. The golden sand had lost some of its shimmer, but it proved a comfort to my sore feet. I sat down near the ocean and thought about what an idiot I was.

Of course he remembered. Why did it take me so long to see it? You don't forget that you love someone. That feeling doesn't just go away overnight, no; the obvious thing to do is toy with the feelings of the person you say it to. Why didn't I see that? Chad once thought he was the host of a new prank show, and this was some prank. I had to give him kudos for that. He played me, and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. No words could describe how humiliated I was; how could I love someone like that? I felt far from love right now, I didn't think it was hate, but it wasn't far from it. The aching inside of my gut was horrible, but it wasn't a pain that could be taken away by a pill.

Unfortunately some poor person had to come down and comfort me, even though I was so angry the expression on my face was far scarier than anything possessed. I turned to see Lucy sitting down next to me, and just waiting for my explanation. As far as she was concerned, I pushed Chad into a pool for no good reason.

"He remembers," I told her. Somehow saying it loud made me feel a whole lot worse. "He remembers everything he said to me when he was wasted. He remembered the next day."

"Oh Sonny," she sighed, putting her arm around me. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I hadn't ever cried over a guy, not even my Father and I wasn't going to change that now. "I'm so sorry."

"You know what, it's fine," I insisted. "You can be my alibi tonight and I'll strangle him in his sleep. I want to kill him Lucy! I want to make the asshole suffer!"

"He deserves to suffer," she nodded her head, but she didn't seem game for playing a part in his murder. Death was far too good for him; he deserved so much worse than the simple release of death. I would have to watch one of those horrible torture movies to get a good idea of what Chad deserved. I bet Nico would have some in his collection.

"But you won't help me kill him," I sighed, burying my head into my knees. "Well he can take that 'I love you' and shove it up his ass! I won't ever say it again!"

"Why would he do it though?" She asked, as if it was a mystery.

"Because he was just way too loose tongued when he was wasted," I shrugged my shoulders. "He never loved me, he just wanted someone to kiss for the night, isn't it obvious?" It felt truly wonderful; I was the one night thing that I promised I would never be. And the worst part? I told him exactly what he needed to hear to feed his ego.

"I hear some countries actually let you off murder if it's a crime of passion," she giggled, trying to make me feel better and I laughed, just to humour her. I wished she hadn't told me that, because it was a really tempting thought.

"Why did I say it back?" I whined. "I was a hundred percent sober and I said it back. Okay, I could have said it better, and I even planned what I would say if I got another chance, but I still said it. The message was pretty clear."

"You wouldn't be the first," she told me, and she was right. I was just another girl who had been played by a guy. Almost every movie being released had the same storyline.

"I think you should call up Taylor Swift," I smirked. "Maybe I can help her write her next hit."

"Is there anything I can do?" She asked me. "I mean I don't know what a best friend really does in this situation, because this is new for us, but I can get some ice cream and some really bad horror movies?"

"When we go home we'll have one of those weekends," I assured her, wrapping my arms around her. "I seriously think I would have killed him by now if you hadn't distracted me."

"Hey Lucy," I felt my grip on her tighten when I looked up to see Chad Dylan Cooper standing there looking absolutely soaked. I felt a twinge of pride, but mostly I felt wretched when I looked at him. I managed to give Lucy her body backed, and we both glared at him. He looked scared, and so he should have; I was planning his murder just moments before. "Can I talk to Sonny a minute?"

"Um," she looked at me, and I shrugged my shoulders. "Sure." I knew that it was only twisting the knife, but I had to hear his excuse, for a laugh if nothing else. Lucy wished me luck and went back up to the hotel, leaving me alone with the guy I was so angry at words couldn't describe it.

"Aren't you going to scream at me or something?" He asked. Was it unsettling for him that I was staring into space without even opening my mouth? Good, I would stay that way. "I deserve to be yelled at, screamed at. I definitely deserved to be pushed into the pool."

"I want to scream at you," I confessed, glaring at him, because I did. As I stormed down to the beach, I imagined every word I was going to scream at him, but it was different seeing him right beside me. It was not because of my feelings that I was speechless, I assure you. "But you know what? To scream at you, I would have to be surprised at you."

"What do you mean?" He said, wasn't it obvious?

"What you did was a really shitty thing," I told him, the swear word to emphasise just how crappy, because I wasn't used to swearing so easily. "But when I think about it, I'm not even surprised." I couldn't believe I was smiling as I told him that. I was going nuts.

"That's not fair!"

"No, you know what's unfair? Telling someone that you love them and then just pretending it didn't happen the next day!" I screamed, finally! It was setting in. "Don't you dare tell me what's fair!"

"You didn't say anything to me either!" He argued.

"Chad, you woke up and walked out that door like you couldn't wait to leave," I hissed through gritted teeth. "I thought you really regretted what you said, and then you acted like it never happened in the first place, so I had to assume that you forgot what you said because people don't just tell people they love them and pretend it never happened! Don't you dare put this on me! I am not the one who said it first!"

"I know I said it first! But you didn't think to talk about it? I didn't know how you felt either! You acted like nothing had happened!"

"Chad, if I had told you it first then woke up and just left with barely a word, would you be so quick to ask me about it? I felt like crap!" I emphasised the word crap. It felt good letting it all out.

"You moved on though, didn't you?"

"I can't believe you'd say that! Yeah, I moved on, because otherwise I would be sitting waiting around for someone who was more willing to be pretend dating Selena Gomez than to tell me how he felt!" I cried, and he couldn't deny it.

"I wanted to tell you," he insisted, but I just rolled my eyes. I was sure he had. "I tried to tell you, but you were with him! I couldn't tell you when you were with someone else. I'm not that much of a jerk to put you in that kind of position! And when you told me we were good, I thought you just wanted things back to the way they were."

"You should have told me before Todd came along," I snapped, my voice lower. He had made a very good point and it was difficult coming up with a retort. My voice was trembling, and I was trying very hard not to look at him. "You have had so long to tell me! You would rather kiss me as a friend than tell me you love me!"

"Sonny, it's the hardest thing in the world for me to say," he told me, again it was so pathetic. "I've never said it to anyone before, and I didn't know how you would react, and then you told me the same thing. I was terrified, because that meant that I would have to trust you."

"Love and trust come as a package!" I argued.

"Yeah and that scares the shit out of me," he replied. "I know it sounds so lame, but I can't say I've had the greatest experience with the whole love thing. I guess my nanny might have loved me, but she died when I was ten years old, therefore making my parents send me to boarding school. I guess you could say my parents loved me, oh I'm sorry no, what am I thinking? They love my money."

"I can't believe you'd put me in the same category as your parents," I sighed. "I know I take the piss out of you, don't take you seriously and we fight more than we talk, but I thought you knew I was different. I thought I was seen as a friend to you, at least."

"I'm not saying that! He persisted. "I'm saying that there's a good reason I don't love my parents! I loved my nanny, but she died when I was a kid. The only person I really loved died. My parents can't even stand me, and I really don't remember doing anything to offend them. You know what my Dad said to me? He said that he never wanted kids; he wanted a career and a trophy wife. My Mom wanted a little girl. Even now that I'm famous and I'm seen as the hottest thing since Zac Efron, they still don't want to see me. What did I do Sonny? I must be pretty damn un-lovable if God kills my nanny and makes my parents hate me. I'm sorry if I don't want to subject myself or you to that."

"I know you think you're protecting yourself," I told him. "But you're not. Blocking it all out is going to make you bitter. I don't deserve it Chad, you're not protecting either of us, you're just hurting us."

"I don't want to feel this way," he insisted, and I was tempted to believe him. "Every time I think about getting so close to a person, it freaks me out and I want to run. I would give anything not to run from this."

"You don't have to run!" I protested. I couldn't believe that I was actually encouraging him to stay with me. I wanted to be mad so badly, and I could still see myself killing him, but I was seriously starting to think that maybe he really did have an issue. "I'm not asking us to ride off into the sunset together or anything. I just want you to give it a chance."

"I don't know how it works Sonny," he shrugged his shoulders. "I could hurt you, and I don't want to do that. It's so much easier for us to be just friends."

"We can't do that anymore," I shook my head. I was so tempted to cry. This was probably more dramatic than a scene in Mackenzie Falls. It was so disturbing to know that it was the truth. "I can't be friends with you. It's too hard for me."

"But I like seeing you everyday," he sighed. I liked seeing him everyday, and I enjoyed the stupid little fights we got into.

"Do you love me?" I asked. I wanted to still be mad at him, and trust me I was, but I had a feeling that he was madder at himself. He looked at me with such fear, and more fear than I'd seen in anyone's eyes. I wanted to hate him so much, and it would have been easier, but he did sound like he had it bad when he was a kid. At least I had my Mom; he had no one.

"You're perfect," he told me. "I never thought I could meet anyone who's so perfect and everything I've ever wanted. You like what I like, you like laughing with me, you like taking the piss, you talk about all he things I want to talk about and you challenge me."

"You were very big on the challenging thing when you were drunk," I reminded him. Why did he have to say all of that to me? "Chad, what can I say? I don't just throw the 'L' word at anybody. I do love you and it's the worst thing ever, because that means I have to trust you."

Chad was out of things to say, something frequent when it came to him, so I walked over to him. I was scared, because everything had changed. We couldn't go back to being Sonny and Chad; those two kids who love to fight and carry on at work. We were Sonny and Chad; two people with one very big problem. I hated it, but I hated the fact that he found it so difficult to say it. Trust me to fall in love with the most difficult person on the planet.

I kissed him.


	18. From Here To Eternity

**Author's Note: I know this is a short chapter, but I got this idea really early on into the story. It might seem confusing at first, but trust me, this chapter does have a point. But I do have to say that this story is coming to an end L. There are just a couple of chapters left and so to give us all the true suspense and excitement, I am definitely restricting the last chapters to be posted once a day. Enjoy! And keep reading and reviewing!**

**PS, To the person who asked, I thanked a lot of people for making me feel a lot better about my addiction to SWAC, but I was especially thanking my dear old Gran. She took the time to listen to me explain Channy and endured all the drama of writing the story. It's lame I know, but we watched 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' after, so I know she's not bothered about what I watch.**

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned," I said. I hadn't been in one of these small rooms since my Mother had taken me to church that one time when I was twelve. She wasn't a catholic, but my Grandma was in town and she was a traditional lady

"When was your last confession?" The priest asked me. It sounded really bad to say it out loud, but lying to a priest was probably worse than lying to the big man himself upstairs. I wished I had asked my Dad what to say here. I knew I was madder at him than I was at Chad Dylan Cooper, but he was a catholic, and right now, I was in a catholic church.

"A very long time ago," I replied. It was vague, but it was the truth. "But I assure you Father, that I have been very well behaved since then."

"Okay dear, why don't you start by telling me your name?" He asked me, sounding a little friendlier. It definitely made me feel a lot better about being there in the first place. It softened the blow before being told I was going to hell.

"Alison Monroe," I said calmly, but truthfully I was trembling. "But everyone calls me Sonny, and I'm sure that would be okay for you to call me too."

"Okay Sonny, can you do something for me?"

"What?" Was he going to make me recite fifty prayers before I even told him my sin? What would he make me do when I told him my sin?

"I want you to relax," he chuckled. "There's no need to be nervous at all."

"Trust me, you'd be nervous if you had done what I've done," I told him. Oh great, now I was being rude to a priest? I had to relax. I had been this way for the whole trip, and I think everyone thanked their lucky stars when I decided to leave early. I couldn't possibly stay on the island after what happened.

"I've heard a lot of things my dear and I assure you, I've not been disgusted yet," he smiled, and I liked his face. He was like the grandpa I wanted; my real grandpa was a big fan of condemning me to hell because I was acting like a harlot on TV, whatever a harlot was. I had a feeling it wasn't good anyway. "Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?"

"And you won't judge me too harshly?" I asked. I didn't need someone to tell me it was wrong, I'd lost sleep over the amount of times I had apologized to the man upstairs and made all these promises. "I know I've made a mistake."

"Sonny, the Lord preaches forgiveness," he assured me. "He also urges everyone not to judge others. Please, I think you need to get it off your chest."

"Do you like movies Father?" I asked him, a small smirk on my face. I wouldn't be happy unless there was one pop culture reference in there. "Do you like the oldies?"

"I do enjoy movies of all genres," he nodded his head, sounding like he was getting a little impatient. I guessed I should start getting to my point. I could have lingered all day, but he was right; if I didn't get this one off my chest, I was going to explode.

"Have you saw From Here To Eternity?"

"Yes, Deborah Kerr and Montgomery Clift, am I right?"

"Absolutely," I thanked God under my breath. If he didn't know what that movie was, it was going to make my confession a lot harder to get off my chest. "You're aware of the infamous beach scene? You know? The one where Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster are frolicking about? Some might consider it the most romantic scene in history?"

"Oh yes, it was a truly romantic scene," he nodded, as if he was looking back on it.

"And you know the controversy surrounding that scene, right?" I asked him. I couldn't think to say anymore without coming right out and saying it.

"Oh everyone was aware of it, I remember my Father talking about it with my Mother," he said, chuckling to himself, and then he looked at me. He didn't look mad or anything. "Sonny, are you trying to tell me that something similar happened to you?"

"Yep, all of it happened to me," I confessed, wiping away a tear. I looked at the ground like a child who had misbehaved, but I was really trying to catch a glimpse of where I would be going when I died. When he said it out loud, it made me feel so disgusted with myself. "I didn't mean it. It just happened. But you know what? It's fine, because I know exactly how to punish myself."

"You do?"

"First of all, I left my vacation early, where it happened," I told him. It had been a way to punish myself, but I mostly had to get away from Chad. "Second of all, I've not slept properly, and I don't plan on sleeping for the next three nights."

"Why not?"

"Because I am willing to read all of the bible aloud for the next three days and we're talking for twenty-four hours, and I am perfectly willing to read it all out again until I've learned my lesson," I assured him. I had thought very carefully about this. "And I want to offer my services to you Father. Does an alter boy need a vacation? Do you? Do you need a maid? Because I would love to help you Father. I will do anything."

"You sound like you've thought this through," he nodded, looking quite impressed with me. I had thought it through. I needed to be punished for what I did, because it was truly disgusting. I didn't want to be that girl, so the only person I could turn to was God. "You sound very sorry."

"I really am," I nodded my head eagerly. "I work so hard trying to be a good person, and now I've condemned myself to hell for doing this. How could I mess it up so easily? You need to help me, because I can't tell anyone. I'm meant to be a role model!"

"Sonny, I need you to relax," he said softly, hearing the sobs trying to break through my voice. I sat back and took a few deep breaths, but they only reminded me of my sin. I couldn't relax, I had let everyone down, including God. "You've not told anyone about this?"

"No."

"And you've not heard from the boy?"

"Definitely not heard from the boy."

"Sonny I want you to do the hardest thing known to man," he said to me. Oh my God, he was going to ask me to crucify myself or something. He was going to ask me never to sleep again or never to have feelings again. I deserved it all. "I want you to forgive yourself."

"What?" I asked, looking shocked. It didn't seem so hard, until I imagined doing it.

"I know you deeply regret what happened," he said. "Some people come in here just to make themselves feel better, and they're not willing to make up for what they did, but you are different."

"I am?" I asked, well I had constructed a long list of what I could do to redeem myself, but it still didn't feel like enough. "I don't feel like it."

"This is not the worst thing you could do," he assured me. "I know you feel bad, but you must remember that you're human. People slip up, Lord knows I've slipped up more than a few times. The Lord did not send his son down as human for absolutely no reason. Just because you're a role model doesn't mean you have to restrict yourself."

"I guess not," I replied. "I just feel like I haven't done enough."

"Okay, I have an idea," he said. "In order to forgive yourself, you can forgive another person. Forgiveness is probably one of the hardest things a person ever has to do."

"Oh you bet," I nodded. "There's nothing else I can do?"

"If you want to lose sleep and your voice by praying when you don't have to, then be my guest."

"Forgiveness sounds easier on my voice," I reluctantly agreed, and then I smiled at him. "Thanks for that. It's hard to believe it, but I feel a little better."

"Miracles do exist," he chuckled, before letting me out.

I knew exactly what I had to do, and I was definitely going to do it. As I walked outside into the shimmering sunlight, my heart started pounding. I was going to have to forgive my Father.

It was the only way I would forgive myself for losing my virginity to Chad Dylan Cooper.


	19. Teenagers: We Don't Know Anything

**Author's Note: Wow, I must have some of the most dedicated fans around. Thank you so much for the reviews, private messages and all the favouriting and subscribing. I know we've gotten a little controversial now, but I promise that it won't take anything away from the magic that is Channy. There's also something else: ****This is the second last chapter of the whole story.**** I'm sad too, but I think you guys will love these chapters. They're longer and yes, Chad and Sonny's brief encounter is explained as the aftermath sets in, but there's no need for any graphic description. Please enjoy. Keep reading and reviewing! **

**PS, Happy Birthday to .xx , I hope that the chapter isn't posted too late for you! Have a wonderful day and please enjoy the chapter!**

Teenagers don't know anything.

It took me a while to understand this, because I liked to think that I was quite mature. I used to think that I had the world sussed and I had nothing else to learn. This all came crashing down when I had to visit the doctor three weeks after my unfortunate incident with Chad. I didn't feel brave as I sat in the doctor's office listening to how reckless I had been, instead I felt like a child being scolded.

I went alone obviously, having told no one about our mistake. I didn't tell Chad either; I hadn't called him and he hadn't called me. I would never forget the look in his eyes as we lay on that beach, him on top of me, the passion fading away from his eyes. I knew I was covered in sand, but I didn't care. I was completely in shock. So was he. He stroked my face softly and kissed me again. I couldn't kiss him with much feeling, my senses coming back to me. Before, I had been blinded by this passion and…okay, my description of events was starting to sound like a tempestuous romance novel. The doctor didn't care for my version of events either.

"Miss Monroe, you could have contracted countless diseases," she told me, "There is nothing romantic about that. It's a lot different now than it used to be in Farewell To Eternity."

"I know," I nodded.

"And you're meant to be a role model too," she said, rolling her eyes. "What would have happened if you were pregnant? This boy certainly sounds like he would've been running the hell out of your life."

"I know," I repeated, biting my lip. There was nothing mature about what I had done, and no matter how much I tried to blind myself with the idea that it was romantic, it really wasn't. I had let so many people down again and I had been so weak. Who sleeps with someone who lied to them for months? I do apparently, and no matter how much I tried to remind myself that the man upstairs would forgive me, I still couldn't forgive me.

"Well that was different," Chad said to me, after I put my clothes back on. "I've never done that before."

"Ditto," I nodded. I didn't know what else to say. We looked out into the sea, still reflecting the blanket of stars above in the night sky. It was supposed to be romantic, but we didn't feel romantic. "We're never going to be friends again, are we?"

"Oh God no," he said, trying to laugh, but he couldn't. I couldn't either. "Sonny I don't know-"

"Me neither," I insisted, clasping hands with him. He stroked my hand softly and smiled at me a little, but I couldn't smile back at him. "Chad, I need to know if you want me. I just gave you something I was keeping until…well, until I was older anyway."

"Wow," he said, letting go of my hand just as quickly as he had let me hold it. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I really didn't."

"And I did?" I asked him, burying my head into my knees. "I'm supposed to be a role model Chad! What was mature about that? It wasn't even romantic! I can't believe this! If this gets out, then I am ruined. I want to go to a convent! Do you think they have any convents on this island?"

"Chill out and breathe," he urged me, putting his arm around me. I didn't know what he was so calm about, he should be begging to join a monastery. I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't absorb what had happened. I'd read about it, and it seemed to be everywhere and everyone was doing it, but I was supposed to be the mature one. I was supposed to refrain from doing any of that. If it is any consolation to anyone; it hurt and I certainly didn't enjoy myself that much. Never ever again. Ever. "What did you think?"

"Think of what?" I asked him, wiping the tears away from my eyes. He looked at me impatiently and waited for me to understand the gist of what he was saying. I slapped him on the back of my head when I did. "I don't know what I thought! I can't compare it with anything!"

"What are we going to do?" He asked me, and I shrugged my shoulders. We had broken a boundary and there was no way we were going back. We would be lying to ourselves if we tried to pretend it didn't happen. I was still getting chills when I thought about it. It was so disgustingly wrong. When I looked at Chad, the horrible truth hit me.

"Oh my God," I said, unable to stop from sneering. "You still don't want to be my boyfriend, do you? Even after all this, you still can't trust me. That's just great. Hey, if you give me some money we can call me what I really am."

"You're perfect," he insisted, but it all sounded so empty. After what we had just done, all he had left to say was that he loved me. I didn't want to hear how wonderful I was, I wanted to hear how much he loved me and wanted me.

"You still can't say it, even after all this," I shook my head, trying not to cry. I knew that I shouldn't cry, but it was the most important thing, and I had given it to someone who didn't love me. I wanted to give it to someone who loved me, not to someone who was there at the right time. "I'm so done with this."

I stormed away.

When I left the doctor's office, I went back to my apartment and collected Lucy and Tawni to take Lucy to the airport. We agreed that we would go to the airport super early so that we could say everything we wanted to say to each other. I wanted to tell them what had happened, but I was terrified that they would judge me and decide that I was a whore they didn't want to know.

"How's your cough then?" Lucy asked me. I had pretended I was going to the doctor's to check out a cough that I'd had to fake so that it was believable. It was the big reason I left the island early.

"She's giving me a prescription," I smiled, but did it look convincing? It didn't feel too convincing. It also didn't help that they were listening to The Beatles. The last thing I needed to know was that love was all I needed, because I sure as hell wasn't getting any. I looked at my phone again, but he hadn't contacted me.

"I didn't even know you were sick," Tawni replied. "I can't believe you left my island early. I would have gladly died on that island." I laughed, because someone was so close to dying on that island.

"Let's go to the airport," I smiled, grabbing some of Lucy's bags. We made idle small talk on the way there, and when we sat in McDonalds, we made idle small talk again. I couldn't stop thinking about it; about any of it. I had just met my absent Father who I was going to have to talk to despite being so mad at him I could scream, and I was going through the worst kind of first love. Screaming seemed like such a wonderful thing to do, and I was tempted to scream the whole place down. Unfortunately my friends were there and a psychiatric ward wasn't too faraway.

I had no idea what to do about any of it. No matter how late I stayed up at night thinking about it, I came no closer to a solution. Leaving seemed like the easiest thing to do, but I couldn't just leave So Random. See, teenagers; I counted the years I thought I was smart, but I didn't know anything. No matter what anyone said to me, I felt absolutely disgusting. He had touched me in weird places and I had felt so weird throughout the whole thing. Was it supposed to be good? Because it hurt like hell. Was it supposed to bring us closer together? Because I would have much rather waited to feel all of it on my wedding night, when we knew each other so well sex was merely something to do. I was such a cliché. I had fallen for something a lot of girls did. But I was going to go on. There was no point in trying to make sense of what just didn't make sense. He didn't love me. He thought I was perfect, but he didn't love me.

And then the strangest, but most gut relieving thing happened. I cried. And when I say I cried, it sounded like someone had died. It was like throwing up, once I started I just couldn't stop. Lucy and Tawni were mortified at first, trust me to cry just as Tawni was getting an autograph, but then they ushered the young girl away and we moved to a more secluded area of the restaurant. Me crying all the way. I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn't. I felt so relieved. The tears hadn't come in a really long time, and I was worried that they never would. Sure, being strong was one thing, but I couldn't even force them out in secret. Seriously, do not underestimate crying; I felt like a huge weight had been lifted when I cried.

"Sonny, what's wrong?" Lucy asked me, after I hadn't provided an explanation as to why I was crying. You know how in the movies when someone cries, and someone else asks why, they always say something really confusing and never completely answer why? I was determined not to be one of those people.

"I've done the worst thing ever!" I sobbed, and wow, I actually couldn't think to say anything else. When I said it out loud, it only intensified the tears. When I thought about everything, and having to say it out loud, it just made it worse. "He doesn't-" I couldn't even bring myself to say it.

"Come on now," Tawni tried to be comforting, but this was seriously killing her. It was okay if she was crying, but if it was someone else, she didn't know what to do. "People are staring."

"You're right," I managed to choke in the midst of all the sobbing. People were staring, and more people staring meant there was a commotion, and once the paparazzi caught sight of that, out came the drug and/or sex rumours. If I wasn't careful, I would make the difficult relationship I had with Chad open to the public, and we had managed to keep it under wraps for so long. "I'll be right back. Excuse me."

I cleaned myself up in the bathroom, hiding myself in a cubicle until I was all finished. It was different when I was alone, it didn't come so strongly, because I wasn't forcing myself to say anything. I stared at the dirty ceiling and just took deep breaths. I was being so melodramatic about something that I had brought on myself. I didn't deserve sympathy.

I came out of the bathroom twenty minutes later to find that people were no longer staring, but Lucy and Tawni looked very suspicious. I knew that I had blown the cough cover. When I sat down, they looked at me, as if I was waiting.

"So Lucy, when does your flight leave?" I asked, smiling nervously, but she didn't reply. "You guys know that I don't have a cough, don't you?"

"It's only the worst lie told since Bill Clinton," Lucy remarked, which confused Tawni, but she didn't say anything. Great, now I was being compared to a cheater? I really was a harlot. I finally realised what that meant, and grandpa wouldn't be amused if he knew he was actually right.

"Yeah," Tawni replied, trying to sound like she was in the know. "Anyway, it's pretty obvious that something huge happened with you and Chad on that island. I already know that he remembers everything he said to you when he was wasted. What else?" She was treating it like some serious gossip, instead of the mistake it was. I had to remember that she didn't mean it; she really was concerned for me.

"I had to tell her," Lucy shrugged. "Now come on, what was said on the beach?"

"A lot was said on the beach," I said to them. "He told me a lot of things, and I don't want to tell you, because it's not my place." I was furious with the guy, but I wasn't lying when I said that he was probably madder at himself. What must it feel like not to be able to tell someone you love them?

"Oh come on!" Tawni whined, "I've been the most supportive friend ever and I dated the guy. You can tell me."

"He has issues Tawni," I told her, shaking my head. It was my way of silently scolding her. "Besides, what he said to me isn't why I left."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know if I can say it," I sighed, looking away from him. I began to feel sick, and images of them throwing things at me and calling me things flashed across my mind. Of course I deserved it, but was it so wrong that I didn't want to be subjected to it? "It's really bad."

"Sonny, I'm dating Grady," Tawni replied impatiently. "I think that's the most shocking thing of the decade. Yours surely can't be as bad as that."

"Yours is so romantic though," I protested, because it was. It was weird how Tawni had come across this real relationship when I was the one who had been searching for it. She knew I was right, because she smiled a little, but quickly removed it.

"Tell us," Lucy asked me, and I knew I could only hold it off for so long. I looked at them both, and bit my lip nervously, screwing up my face like I was about to obey a terrible dare.

"I guess you could say I hit a homerun with Chad," I said. I'd heard that being used to describe it before, and Lucy and I had previously used it before I moved to California. I thought that using a code word would soften the blow, but I felt like something had just slapped me across the face. Lucy and Tawni exchanged confused glances, but I wasn't saying anymore. If I did, then it would just be my luck for a photographer to hear, and my reputation would be shot to shit.

"YOU HIT A HOMERUN?" Lucy gasped. I was grateful that she finally understood what I meant, but I could've done without her speechless expression. She looked both disgusted and alarmed. I had to be seconds away from the demeaning lecture the doctor had already given.

"You played sports?" Tawni asked, shrugging her shoulders, wondering what all the fuss was about. "I've hit plenty of homeruns with people, including Chad Dylan Cooper - OH MY GOD YOU DON'T MEAN THE SPORTING KIND!"

"There you go," I nodded, trying to avoid looking at either of them, but I had to see what Tawni thought. She just looked disgusted, and her eyes were all wide like she had witnessed a murder or something. I felt more disgusted. I shouldn't have said anything, because now my best friends hated me and I was left alone to deal with an absent Father and an absent Chad.

"I've never hit those kind of homeruns!" Tawni insisted. At least she wasn't focusing too much on me right now, "Especially not with Chad Dylan Cooper."

"I know," I nodded, and I was forced to meet both their eyes.

"Was it the first…" Lucy trailed off. Bless her, at least she was trying not to drown me in holy water and send me off to the convent.

"Yep, the very first time," I insisted. "It just happened. He said things. I said things. I kissed him. He kissed me. And then it just happened. I didn't want to let him go. I was such an idiot."

"How could it just happen?" She asked me. We had made a promise to be really mature when we decided to have sex with someone. We didn't want to be like all of the other girls, and I had gone and just did it because he was there.

"I don't know, but it did," I shrugged. "I feel awful about it. I've even gone to confession and the priest said I need to forgive myself, and maybe if I forgive my Father, I'll forgive myself, but I can't-"

"Are you okay?" Tawni asked me, and I glared at her. Did I look okay? "I know you're emotionally falling apart, but we all know what homeruns like that lead to."

"That's where the doctor's office comes in," I said. "I'm fine. I'm not…expecting, and I'm not sick or anything, but trust me, I got the lecture."

"And him?" Lucy asked. I was glad she didn't say his name, because I was feeling awful. There was a huge lump in my throat, but I'd already cried, and I didn't need to do it again.

"He hasn't called," I shook my head. "And neither have I. We've established that we can't ever be friends again after this."

"Well duh," Lucy scolded, shaking her head. "Sonny, how could it just happen? We were supposed to-"

"I know, and I was extremely stupid, because Chad is freaking out," I sighed. I was definitely never going to do it again. It wasn't worth it; the looks, the lecture or the way I was constantly being condescended. It was such a mistake, and I will tell you now, if I had Marty McFly's time machine, it was the first thing I would change. I can promise you that. No one was as sorry as me. "I wish I could just go back in time and send him away when he's drunk."

"You guys were never friends," Tawni smirked.

"Really?" Lucy asked. She hadn't been there the whole time. Tawni nodded her head like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You could cut the sexual tension with a knife," she told her, nodding her head enthusiastically. "Well you'll need to talk to him about it."

"No," I laughed hysterically, but I was the only one. They were looking at me so seriously and wondering why on earth I was laughing. Didn't they know that I was dealing with the most complicated boy in the world? "No no. Chad's - he's not that into me. Trust me, I want to learn from this mistake, not repeat it by trying to make this impossible thing work."

"You can't just leave things the way they are!" Lucy protested. "You gave him something very important and you need to work together. You have to call him or something."

"I really don't envy your life right now," Tawni insisted, patting my arm. Yeah, trust me Tawni, if it was possible, I would have traded lives with her immediately. It must have been great being so sure of absolutely everything in your life.

"Thanks Tawni," I smiled sarcastically. "I don't either. Do I need to talk to him again? I really don't want to relive the after homerun conversation."

"Nah, you need to make it obvious what you want and he can reply how he wants," Lucy instructed. I was actually amazed by her attitude to the whole thing. She was so mature compared to me, and I was the one who'd actually did it. "Because you love him and you won't relax until you know."

"Do you hate me?" I asked them both.

"Why would we hate you?" Tawni asked, and Lucy had the same expression she had. "You haven't committed a sin or anything." If only I felt the same way.

"Are you going to call your Father?" Lucy asked me. That was what brought on the tears in my eyes. My Father had taken a backseat to all the Chad drama, and now that we had decided that I had to give him an ultimatum, all that was left to talk about was my Father.

I didn't know what I wanted to do. He made me so mad, and I knew that I was going to feel like an accessory in his life, not an essential thing. I was simply someone else he could talk to, and someone else he could depend for. I was something that could feed his ego. He had a new wife, and a new son. Why did he need an old daughter? He didn't know me, and I didn't know him. We would have to get to know each other, and that meant telling him all these things I imagined telling him when I was younger.

When I was a kid, I didn't tell my Mom that I missed him, but it was something that I did want. When I played in school or the park with my friends and their Father came to pick them up, I would be just a little jealous. I used to think that I should join the soccer team in elementary school because all of the boys would have their Dad cheering them on at the games. Obviously I had grown up and realised that the Fathers were there willingly. Slowly the want of a Father disappeared as I grew and realised that he was never coming back. When Mom told me the real reason he left, I hated him so much.

Now he was back, and everyone was expecting me to make all of these grown up decisions. I was only a seventeen year old girl. Why couldn't he have came back when I was thirty and mature? People knew where they were going when they were thirty.

Teenagers; we don't know anything.

Tawni and I said goodbye to Lucy an hour later. I promised her that I was going to call her and tell her everything once I knew what was going on. I promised I would call Chad and I would call her when I decided what to do about my Father.

"You don't deserve any of it," Tawni told me, as I drove away from the airport. "I know you feel really bad about what happened, but you don't deserve it, and I promise that whatever happens, I won't ever use this against you."

"Thanks," I smiled. Why was she being so nice? I just felt so horribly guilty and she made me feel like maybe I really didn't deserve it.

"I'll be there," she told me, smiling at me genuinely. "No matter what happens between you and Chad. I won't completely put myself first."

"Thanks, you're amazing," I told her, because it was true. "Are you feeling uncomfortable?"

"You have no idea," she confessed, biting her lip. "I still mean it though."

"I know you do," I assured her.

I dropped her off at her apartment before returning to my own. Mom was away back to Wisconsin for the week, because grandpa was sick again and grandma didn't really have the strength to take care of him. She promised me she would be back as soon as she could. Like my friends, she knew something had happened on that island, and I would have to tell her.

As soon as I got in, I picked up the phone before I changed my mind. I had to call him before my mind provided me with every reason why I shouldn't call him.

"Hi there, I'm looking to speak with a Doctor Martin Anderson please," I asked the person who answered the phone. My heart was pounding and I couldn't feel the rest of my body. I probably should have taken the call sitting down instead of standing up straight.

"This is he," he replied so professionally, I was a little intimidated.

"Hi, this is Sonny," I replied, my voice trembling, just like the rest of my body. "We need to talk."


	20. Sonny With A Chance Of Chad?

**Author's Note: Wow, this is it. This is the final chapter! I can't believe it, who knew that it would be over so fast? I guess the main questions will be answered now. Will Sonny forgive her Dad? But mainly we're all wondering: will Chad and Sonny finally realise they're made for each other? I guess I am taking this final opportunity to thank you all so much for the support throughout, especially after the controversial chapter 18. You've all suggested things and told me exactly what I'm doing right, and I can't thank you enough. It's just motivated me more and this is why we've made it to the end of this story. I also want to start writing another one immediately. So yeah, thanks so much and please, let me know what you all think. Much love! It's been amazing! =]**

"Hi Chad, it's Sonny. I don't really know where to start with this conversation. I should be mad at you for not calling, but even I didn't want to call. Just so you know, I'm fine; I went to the doctor and I'm not pregnant and I didn't catch anything, so you can stop freaking out about that. Okay, I'm going to keep this short, because I'm scared to death here. Chad, I love you, and the thought of not being with you is horrible, especially when I think you want to be with me too. Do you love me? I just need to know. So, on that note, I will be home alone tonight at eight pm. If you're not here at eight and you've not called to say you'll be late, then I won't be expecting you. Ever. I'm done with this; I can't wait around forever. So bye Chad, I hope to see you later."

I was so glad that I left a message on his voicemail. It wasn't the kind of thing I would have been able to say face to face, mostly because I thought I was going to lose my voice half the time. When I hung up, I collapsed on my sofa and I felt my heart racing. Would he show up? What if he didn't? How was I going to avoid seeing him for the rest of my (teenage) life? Was I really not going to talk to him again? I couldn't imagine being friends with him. I didn't think we could be friends anymore; we either had to be something more, or nothing at all. I was really going to have to ignore him.

"So you gave him that ultimatum?" Lucy asked when I called her up.

"Yeah," I replied, but I didn't sound happy about it. I knew it was the right thing to do, but as much as feminists all around the world would hate me for saying this: I didn't want to stop waiting around for Chad Dylan Cooper. "I'll be home at eight and if he's late or doesn't show, I am done."

"Good thinking," she told me, but she was more enthusiastic than me. I felt seedy and would be completely on edge until eight pm just thinking about it, but that was going to happen anyway. "I know you really don't want to do this, but maybe he's not the one and if he doesn't show, you'll realise that."

"Maybe," I replied, at least she was being the sensible one. "Except I think he might be the one."

"Okay we need to stop talking about him," she urged, even though I was enjoying myself. I had to have him in my head today, because if he didn't show tonight, then I would be forcing him out of there. I loved having him in my head. Wow, that sounds so wrong. "Did you call your Father?"

"I did," I nodded, that other dreaded call coming back to me. The same feeling of nerves and fear also came back with it, and that only added to the anxiousness I already felt. I wouldn't be able to drink coffee today, I was way too intense. "I'm going to visit him and his family today."

I said it like it was completely cool, but I had thrown up a little just thinking about it the night before. I wasn't just meeting my Father; I was meeting my step-mom and step-brother as well. I didn't know if I was ready for it, and just thinking about it was making me feel sick again. Would they like me? Would I like them? What if I hated her? What if I hated my Dad? I knew I had complained about it a lot, but I seriously wouldn't ever moan about a life without drama. I was not entirely good at coping with any of it.

"Wow, what did your Mom say about that?" She asked, sounding stunned.

"She was okay with it," I shrugged. "She said it was my choice." I left out the part where she cried her heart out down the phone and told me to be careful because she didn't want her only daughter being taken as a fool by her Father. It didn't seem necessary. I couldn't believe I was at the age where my Mother was crying to me. I wasn't ready to grow up.

"Sonny, I never ever thought that we would ever be talking about this kind of stuff," she told me, as if echoing my mind. I was feeling my eyes water as she said it, and I was forced to look at myself in the mirror and force myself to snap out of it. If the whole fame thing stayed with me forever, I was going to have one hell of an auto-biography. "It feels so…mature."

"Tell me about it," I laughed, and then I looked at the time. "I better go, he's coming to get me soon."

"Okay, promise to call me and tell me all about it?" She pleaded.

"I'm surprised you even have to ask," I laughed. "You know I will. I love you."

"You too, talk to you soon."

I looked out of the window every minute when I was waiting for him to pick me up in his car. As I stared out at the beautiful day and the busy street, it brought back memories of the first time my Father and I met. I was looking outside of the window for a different reason, and for a second, I thought I could see Chad sitting there on his sofa like he had been that night. If I closed my eyes, I could see it all so vividly, but I didn't want to see it anymore. I wanted to be okay with him in my life.

I was still mad, and it wouldn't go away easily. The man had abandoned my Mom and me, and all because of drugs. I had heard how much heroin controlled anyone who took it, but I was his daughter. How could heroin make him leave me? Why didn't he stop it? Why wasn't he stronger? Why did he have to marry someone else instead of my Mom when he got clean? He had found someone else, and gave that woman a family, instead of completing ours.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a car horn tooting. I looked out the window and saw a fancy red convertible. Was that him? I screwed my eyes, and the raven black hair was a giveaway. He was sitting in that car, looking up at the window. When I grabbed my purse and looked into the mirror, I wondered if I looked okay. I shouldn't have to worry about that because he was lucky I had even agreed to see him, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I looked fine, a little too smiley, but who didn't like a smile?

The car looked way too fancy for me. I had only ever been in Chad's car in the last few months and he always made sure that he cleaned the seat before I sat down. I didn't feel worthy of sitting down in this car with crème leather seats. It felt too good for me, but my Father looked at me strangely, wondering why I was standing right outside the car without stepping in. he was wearing a white shirt and jeans, taking his no doubt expensive sunglasses off.

"You look nice," he smiled nervously when I eventually convinced myself to step into the car. As we started reversing out of my street, I looked up at my apartment and wondered why I had left it in the first place. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing good," I nodded eagerly, a little too eagerly. This was worse than the time I tried to pretend I was fine about Chad "forgetting" he told me he loved me. "So, this is a lovely car. The leather's really…whatever the compliment is for leather."

"I don't know either," he shrugged, looking away from me, but when I looked at him, I got the same feeling that Ancient warriors probably felt looking into the eyes of the woman who could turn them to stone. "I only got this car last week. Nicole calls it my macho phase."

"That Nicole's a funny one," I replied, trying to laugh, but it would have helped if I knew who Nicole was. I shouldn't have been this nervous, but I could tell he wasn't exactly in his element either. So that was where I had inherited it.

She's my wife," he told me. He sighed. "I'm sorry, it slipped my tongue. You don't need to hear a joke about me and my new wife, right?"

"Maybe it'll help ease me into the whole thing," I suggested. The thought of meeting that woman in just a few minutes made me wish that I had maybe taken some water with me. I didn't want to feel this way about meeting my Father. It was awful to feel sick about meeting someone he loved. It also didn't help that I was still a little mad and couldn't say anything about it. Oh, and on top of that, I had given the potential love of my life an ultimatum and would have to wait ages to see if he showed. I had to chill out.

"I'm really glad you called me," Dad told me, and he smiled sincerely, not that it made me feel any more comfortable. We had talked a lot on the phone, and I yelled a lot, but he listened and he told me calmly why he'd left and why he had contacted me again. I understood it, and I dare say I even laughed a couple of times, but I was still mad. The feeling of abandonment and discomfort wouldn't be as easy as simply forgetting I ever felt them. We needed time.

"It took a lot," I said. I thought that honesty was the best policy, and it sickened me to feel pleased that he was frowning when I said that. "I don't want to be mad forever and I'm sure I'll get over it, but-"

"Sonny you can be mad as long as you want," he assured me, trying to smile. "I wasn't there for you when you needed me and I basically stalked you to get your attention."

"I bet we'll laugh about it in a few years," I shrugged. I didn't want to keep talking about it, because it might lead on to Chad Dylan Cooper, who had been there that night and I didn't even want to think about him today. So far I was failing miserably at that.

"Okay we're here," he said, parking his car next to the kerb. I didn't even realise it, but in the midst of hustling and bustling California, we had landed in one of the quietest streets in the city. It was as if we had escaped to the country, but I could still hear the sounds from downtown in the distance. The apartment blocks were both white, and I could tell we had also landed in the affluent area of California, and I wasn't referring to so affluent the cast of The Hills would be walking by at any moment. The Queen herself would probably stay in a street like this.

"At least you're not poor," I remarked, walking by the other very expensive cars I would never be able to name even if my life depended on it. Dad locked his car and stuck the keys in his pockets, walking a little in front of me up to the first apartment block. And then I realised it wasn't a rather small apartment block, nope. My Father lived in a townhouse.

"We wanted David to grow up somewhere he could play," he told me, unlocking the door. "David is my son's name." We walked into the foyer of the apartment, with the initial front door up one flight of stairs. I imagined Nicole and David just waiting to meet us, standing behind that door with such anticipation. I was going to be such a disappointment.

"You have nice paint on your door," I told him, as he was about to open the door. He looked at me strangely and then he smirked, tousling his hair nervously.

"Nicole's excited about meeting you Sonny," he assured me. "We've talked about it and she's made you a cake and everything. You don't have to worry about a thing."

"You've already met her so you don't have this problem," I hissed, and then he opened the door. They had a lilac hallway. It was the first thing I noticed. I meekly stepped through the door and took in the sights all around me. It looked like one of those hallways you saw in family movies; with all the pictures and toys lying all over the place. You'd think Nicole would have cleaned. That was a horrible thing to say.

And then I saw her.

She was blonde and really skinny for someone who'd had a child. She looked like the ideal doctor's wife; with her neutral coloured clothes and golden curls bouncing off her shoulders. Her teeth were as white as the pearls around her neck and she was smiling at me a little like a Stepford wife. I felt like Annie stepping into Daddy Warbucks' mansion for the first time.

"Sonny Monroe," she smiled, walking forwards and holding out her hand. I smiled nervously and shook her hand. I know it's weird, but she looked like she could snap at any given minute. "My name's Nicole. It is such a thrill to meet you."

"You too," I smiled. Truthfully, I didn't know how I felt about meeting her, all I knew was that I was doing everything in my power not to shake or cry. "This is a lovely place."

"Do you want a tour?" Dad asked me.

"Aw honey don't offer her a tour," Nicole teased him, taking my arm. Again, I didn't know how I felt about that, but I didn't want to cause a scene by yanking my arm away from her. "She's a teenager, she'll work out the rooms for herself in a little while."

"To the living room then?" He suggested, and she nodded her head, smiling at me again. I agreed and we walked into the living room. It was a red colour, with splashes of crème and green in all of the ornaments and the wallpaper. It looked like a family room, and I saw little David by the fireplace playing with a train set. When he saw us step in, he walked up to his Mother and she picked him up.

"This is David," she told me, the raven haired little boy hiding in his Mom's arms. He was beautiful with the same colour of eyes as me. This boy was my half-brother. The thought scared me more than it scared him and I was older. "He's three years old and he was very excited about meeting you today, but now he's pretending to be shy."

"He's not the only one," I remarked quietly. David kept on sneaking glances at me, until his Mom whispered things into his ear and pointed at me a couple of times. "Hi there."

"David this is Sonny, remember, your sister?" She cooed, and saying it out loud made it seem more terrifying than ever. I looked at the boy, and I swear, we shared the same expression for just a fraction of a second. The little boy nodded, and he held out his arms. "Oh, now he's being brave. Do you mind? He wants a cuddle."

"Nicole maybe it's a little soon, she just met the boy," Dad suggested. He was right, but I had to take a step forward if I wanted to get past the awkwardness. So I allowed Nicole to hand David over to me, and I let him wrap his arms around me.

"Hi David," I smiled, allowing him to play with my hair. "I'm Sonny, and I am very happy to meet you. We are going to have a lot of fun, aren't we?"

"Hello," he said, and whose heart wouldn't melt at the sound of a child's voice? I couldn't believe that I was holding my half-brother in my arms and he wasn't trying to squirm away from me. It was so weird, but he completely calmed me down when I should have been falling apart inside.

"Hey kiddo, do you want to help Daddy bring in some cake?" Dad asked him, and that was when the envy struck me like lightning. I was glad that I handed David over to him immediately. Dad looked at him with such love and I couldn't remember ever getting a look like that from him. David laughed and Dad tickled his chin, letting the little guy hug him so tight when I handed him over. It looked so perfect and I felt like such a stranger walking into their home.

Nicole offered me a seat on their maroon coloured sofa and turned off the plasma screen TV. Father was definitely not in any money troubles from what I could see.

"I have another two years of this," she told me, as I checked my phone. No messages. "I promised myself I would give him five years of my complete attention before I go back to work."

"What do you do?" I asked her.

"I'm a lawyer," she told me. "That's actually how I met your Dad. A colleague of mine was defending him when he was on the drugs and I happened to be dating this colleague when I agreed to meet him for lunch."

"Really?" I asked. The woman gave up a lawyer for a drug addicted loser? This was a fairytale I'd never heard of before. It could've been considered weirder than Tawni and Grady.

"Yes," she nodded, smiling, and I don't know why, because I wouldn't have remembered it fondly if I was her. "He offered to pay me double if I became his lawyer and his date for when he got off."

"What did you say?" I said, trying not to laugh.

"Of course he didn't have any money, but I decided to become his lawyer anyway," she told me. "My ex was really pissing me off at the time and he was one of those guys who thought that women were useless at everything. So I took your Father - who was predicted to go away for a few years for drug smuggling which he had done - and got him doing community service for a year for drug possession."

She said it so proudly, and I knew it was wrong, it certainly wasn't a story you wanted to put in the annual book of women's achievements. Nicole surprised me; I'd heard about lawyers, both Marshall and Chad had lots of lawyers I'd met before, and they terrified me. I never wanted to get into a debate with one, and God help me if I would ever have to hire one. But she was different. I imagined that she could be terrifying, but she didn't look it when she was holding David.

"How romantic," I said. I didn't know what else to say. I didn't think that we knew each other well enough to pat her on the back and give her the Annie Oakley compliment. She sat there smiling, and edged a little closer to me, almost making my heart stop.

"It took a lot for me to agree to go on a date for him," she confessed, biting her lip. "I'd been around heroin users before, and I didn't want to be married to one, so I told him I wouldn't go on a date with him until he got his ass into rehab and cleaned up."

"And he did?" I asked. If she said yes I didn't think I would be able to forgive him that easily. I was glad that the guy was clean, but it was something he was never willing to do for my Mom. I couldn't believe that I was actually rooting for the guy to decide not to go to rehab, even though I knew how the story ended.

"Yeah," she replied. "It took him two years to do it though, and then another two years to stay clean. Add that onto the college and medical school time-"

"You've been with my Dad a while, huh?" I asked her. I thought it had been a smooth ride for the both of them. I thought that because she wasn't my Mother and he loved her so much, he would get clean so easily. When I looked at Nicole, I could see that that wasn't necessarily the case.

"He took a long time to come round, but I didn't want to give up," she shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes things take longer than you think they will. God knows I should've given up and every moral fibre in me pointed to giving up, but I couldn't, no matter how much I wanted to."

I didn't want to start relating her story to Chad Dylan Cooper, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted him to come to me so badly tonight, but could I possibly wait a longer? Was he worth waiting for? Nicole was different, she was all grown up and she knew exactly what she wanted. I was a seventeen year old girl who had never been in love before. He could just be a first love; not the person worth waiting for?

"Was he worth waiting for?" I asked her. I didn't want to sound as choked up as I felt, but I found my eyes watering and I had to deal with it immediately. The last thing I needed was for my step-mom to know all about Chad Dylan Cooper.

"Yeah," she smiled. "I mean it's not perfect, no relationship is, but it works."

"Cake!" David shrieked, running over to me. I smiled and picked him up, sitting him on my lap, allowing him to feed me cake. I watched my Father sitting next to Nicole and I envied them. He was a former drug addict and he looked so happy with her, and I didn't have anyone. Now I was denigrating him for decisions he had made? Boy, I was bitter.

"So, Dad, are you a surgeon?" I asked him. I realised the significance of what I had just said and he did too, because he smiled a little.

"No, I'm the guy who wears the white coat," he told me. I nodded my head. It felt weird. My Father was a doctor. My Father was a doctor; it was something I could envision saying to friends. Yeah, I could imagine saying it to my friends. "So, I've been watching your show, it's good."

"David loves it," Nicole chimed in. I decided that I liked her.

"Thanks, we share the studios with Mackenzie Falls," I told them, my eyes rolling.

"Oh, my niece is a fan of that show," Dad told me. I had a cousin now? I would probably freak out about all of this later, but I forced myself to simply nod and live in the moment. "You wouldn't happen to know - whatshisname? You know who I'm talking about, the main guy?"

"Chad Dylan Cooper?" I asked, struggling to say his name out loud without the aching coming from my gut. It happened a lot now, and that was why I knew our friendship was over.

"That's him!" He nodded, "Well she has a crush on him according to my sister - your aunt."

"I'm sure I could talk him into giving her an autograph," I smiled, or I could at least force Tawni to do it for me if I didn't see him tonight. "I should warn you though, he'll probably have kissed his own photograph before giving it to her."

I spent the rest of the day getting to know my Father and his family and trying not to think of Chad, although that proved more difficult than anything else. Dad drove me home just after seven and we sat outside of my apartment for a while. I didn't just want to say goodbye and never see him again, but I didn't want to say all of the things I had tried not to say all day. I was so jealous of both David and Nicole, but only because I'd watched my Mother trying not to love him even after he left. I'd grown up in a home with only one parent, not that I didn't love her to death for everything she'd done for me, but what kid doesn't want two parents? Even if they don't admit it.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you," I told him. I finally just said it out loud, no matter how much it terrified me. "I want to, and I'm going to work so hard to do it, but I'm still mad."

"I know," he nodded, and he looked me straight in the eye. "I'm still mad about it too, and I am truly sorry for what I did. You deserve so much more. This isn't going to take one night. We're going to have to work at this for a very long time."

"I know," I sighed, wiping a tear away from my eye. "I just need you to know that it wasn't easy. It still isn't easy to talk to you now, but I want to get to know you. It sounds really cool telling people that my Father is a doctor."

"And it sounds even better telling people that my daughter's an actress," he said. "Of course I won't tell them who you are, but it sounds amazing telling people that."

"Maybe if we ever get past the awkwardness, I could come to the hospital and visit the kids or something," I suggested. "I'm good with kids."

"I would like that," he smiled. "I want to know you for the rest of my life, because I think you've turned out to be one of the best things I've ever been responsible for."

"Thanks," I smiled, and I was really going to start sobbing my heart, but I insisted that I wasn't going to cry. "I should go now. Umm, I'll call you tomorrow." He smiled and waved goodbye as I stepped out of the car.

It was going to be one of the hardest things in the world, but I was going to trust him not to let me down again. This was definitely the start of something new.

When I got in, it was seven forty-five. I tried not to dwell on the time and went into my room to get changed into my pyjamas. Depending on what was going to happen, I had the first season of True Blood to get through tonight. It was darker than Twilight in case he didn't come, but if he did come, then I guess it was a little romantic. Truthfully, I didn't even want to watch it. I wanted to lie on the sofa with him, and just talk. I hadn't just talked to Chad in such a long time and I missed that. He didn't even have to be romantic, he just had to talk to me. He had to talk to me. I didn't want him to be nothing in my life.

I went into the living room in a tank top and my pyjama pants and looked out the window. There was no one there. I couldn't see his car in the driveway, and it was now seven fifty. I looked at my phone and I had no missed calls or messages. If he didn't show up tonight, it was by choice. If he didn't show up, that meant that he didn't love me.

I turned on the TV and tried to watch the ads, while not looking at the time. It reminded me of the night he rushed over to see me when I thought I was being stalked. He came so quickly that night and that was for me, he must have loved me. Did he still love me now? Did he love me enough to be with me? Did he love me enough to stop pretending that we were less than what we really were?

His movie was coming on TV, which was probably going to be my source of comfort for the night. I promised myself one night to mourn over him, even though I knew I'd probably need more time. I was perfectly willing to stay indoors for a whole month to grieve, but Tawni would never allow it. I would have to go back to work and our paths were going to cross more than once, and I would have to be strong. So I would give myself one full night to cry my heart out and do really lame heartbroken stuff like break all the romantic DVDs I had. True Blood was an alternative in case I wasn't upset. I would watch that if I was numb to it all. If I was numb, then I would give myself a little longer to absorb what happened and fall apart over it. There was no point in pretending I was fine, because it hadn't worked before, and Todd's feelings had been hurt. I needed to grieve.

It was eight pm. I was giving up. Chad wasn't coming, and I guess I knew it was coming all along. I mean he was just a first love, if that was it. Was he a first love if he didn't return the feelings like I did? I was pretty sure he was. It would be a great story to tell the kids if I didn't become a crazy cat lady; the story of when I fell in love with Chad Dylan Cooper. It had certainly been a dramatic relationship…or whatever you wanted to call it. Even though I didn't have him, I guess I still had the memories. That sounded so lame, he was just a guy for God's sake. He wasn't the one. I was sure that I would have better stories about the one. I wanted so badly for him to be the one.

"Hey," I almost jumped out of my skin when I looked up and saw Chad Dylan Cooper standing there looking breathless. His hair was all messed up, and his new shoes were dirty. He was wearing the usual uniform they wore when shooting Mackenzie Falls. He had never looked so perfect to me.

"Hi there," I replied, my voice a little high pitched. I literally couldn't believe it. My heart was racing, and my gut was exploding with all of these butterflies. I couldn't believe how happy I was that he was standing there. I had to convince myself not to cry.

"What are we watching?" He asked me, and I think I almost had a stroke when he sat down next to me and put his arm around me naturally. He put his arm around me as if he had been doing it his whole life. And the freaky thing? I nestled my head into his chest as if I had been doing it my whole life.

"The Chad Dylan Cooper Story's about to come on," I told him, and his face automatically lit up. I couldn't believe that I was talking to him so normally. There was so much that I wanted to ask him and so much that I wanted to say to him.

"Well we are definitely in for a treat. The New York Times told me that I should have won an Emmy for it," he told me, like he had told me a million times before. I hate to say that I was still almost having a heart attack over the fact that he had his arm around me. "Oh Sonny?"

"Yeah?"

"I do love you, okay?" He insisted, looking into my eyes so that I could tell he was being serious. "You're the only one. You always have been."

"Okay," I nodded, a good kind of chill going down my spine when he kissed my cheek. "You know that I feel the same way, right?"

"Yeah," he assured me, stroking my hair a little. "Okay shh, my first line is brilliant in this movie."

"And that's the line I'm always going to remember when I tell people how we got together," I remarked, shaking my head. He kissed my forehead and for the first time in a very long time. We laughed. It was the perfect start to a dysfunctional relationship.

THE END


End file.
